League of Legends is a free online action real time strategy game that is currently my largest addiction. In the game, you have the option of forming a team before entering the fray with five of your closest friends. If, like me, you have no friends, then your other option is the solo-queue, a Russian Roulette of sorts in which you are randomly paired with four complete strangers. My time in both group and solo queue has revealed that there are several archetypes of annoying LoL players that cannot be denied.
Shit is going down. Either your cohorts are walking into some devious trap set by the opposing team or you just scored an ace and it’s time to push. For times like these, Riot encoded into their fine game a feature that allows you to “ping” a certain area of the map to warn others to either advance or retreat. Of course, what happens when you try to give something nice to anonymous man-children on the Internet? They abuse the fuck out of it.
I don’t know if he wants me to go to Baron or if he’s having a seizure
Listen, buddy, one and done. That’s your new rule. You clicking two dozen times on the same spot in case I missed the first ten Navi-level chimes does not benefit anyone in any way. Hell, half of the time when you’re trying to tell me to retreat I flip a mental coin to see if I should even bother listening to you.
Your excessive clicking is not benefiting the team. If anything, you’re just making your partners hate you. Take your finger away from the hot key and breathe. It’s all going to be okay.
The General Custers
Your team is getting crushed. Hard. Excuses aside, everyone including yourself is getting spanked in every fight you come across. The opposing team has out-farmed you, they’re well fed, and they just took out all three of your inhibitors in a glorious strike while you watched through a monochrome haze waiting to rez. The game is over. To save yourself and others the precious moments of life that you would rather fetter away on a fresh game, you throw up the /surrender. You assume you’ll see the green “yes”s fill up the five slotted bar almost instantaneously, but you don’t.
Two votes in, someone has the audacity to opt for “no”. And then, somehow, his blind tenacity causes that one other precious voter to take up his cause. Two votes against and you’re stuck in the game for an another miserable ten minutes. Some people just don’t know when to quit.
These Custers normally fall into two subcategories. The first is the savior. He’s the only one on your team who has done even remotely decently. Any fight that he is not involved in results in another triple-kill, the villains walking away nearly unscathed. In his delusional mind he just needs to initiate properly. He could take the entire team out if only these n00bs would know how to properly tank and let him work his magic.
The second, more common iteration is the idiot. This guy just doesn’t know when to quit because he is somehow oblivious to how much time he is wasting. With his score in the general range of 2/19/4, he is honestly having a good time and just doesn’t want the fun to end no matter how inconvenient it is to others.
I’ll admit up front that I have been this guy numerous times. I’m sure in every Leaguer’s history there have been one or two games where you just refuse to give up. No matter how many times your partners /surrender you are first to voice your strong opinion of /nosurrender.
“We still have a chance” you spout into the chat log. “We just need to farm up the 5,000g difference between us and our rivals, ace the team that has been crushing us 5v4 for the last 30 minutes, take a quick jaunt over to Baron and then– with our newly acquired buffs– rush to take out all nine of their towers in what will be known as the most glorious comeback in the history of LoL!”
I am all for fighting til the last hit, but it’s best for everyone if you learn the early signs of defeat. If you’re down to your inhibs and they still have every single turret? The game is probably over. Best to just surrender and try harder the next game. You aren’t making any friends in this lost cause.
Internet Tough Guys
We’ve touched on similar subjects in previous articles, but I find that League of Legends boasts its own special brand of anonymous jackass. Not people pretending to be Russian mobsters or delusional, self-proclaimed MMA fighters that “you haven’t heard of yet, but just wait bro,” who used to train everyday with Chuck Lidell, but perhaps just as bad.
It always starts the same, someone on the other team has obtained an obvious advantage in their lane. They’ve gotten a few kills early on and their gold boost has given them a bit of an item advantage. Sure enough, they take out that one still-squishy champ who had no place being where he/she was and in their moment of victory they /all chat something akin to “THAT’S RIGHT! RUN, NOOBS! FEAR ME!”
Really, guy? Of all places to be a total bad ass your choice is to spout intimidations via League of Legends? Do you not have anything else going on in your life?
The bottom line here is that no one is impressed. We’re not impressed by your “amazing” 4/0/2 kill streak and when you start typing out slightly adorable insults most people just end up feeling bad for you.
Maybe if I get a penta-kill dad will forgive me for not signing up for football.
I’m not denying that to be really good at LoL takes time and skill. Furthermore, I loves me some proper trash talking. However, is this game really the thing to be boasting about? Consistently? I fear that too many of these kids are gloating without the self-aware sarcasm that most rational adults maintain. The thought makes me a bit sad.
You just joined the queue and that guy is already at it. “Don’t pick twitch. We need a tank. Someone pick tank. Too much AP. You two switch, I’m going to instalock Karthus.” As the ticker slowly counts down to the match start a single thought crosses my mind.
The game starts and your new boss is at it again. “Mundo, lux bot. Pantheon you go top. I got mid. CALL MIAS EVERYONE.” As far as he is concerned, this guy owns you for the next thirty minutes. You are nothing more than his NPCs. He’ll be telling you what spells to pick at what levels. He’s critiquing your build during his time spent dead. He’s giving you orders on how every team fight should be initiated.
Sometimes it’s easier to just give in. Listen to the guy. Give him the satisfaction of being the leader for a few fleeting moments. Most of the time, though, I choose to blatantly ignore every command he gives. Nobody puts baby in the corner.
LoL is about teamwork. No one person can win a match without the help of their teammates (unless they’re Garen). You may have more experience than others and I’m not averse to you sharing wisdom. That being said, no one likes a dictator. Once you enter that solo queue you are joining a 30 minute democracy. Everyone deserves to be heard no matter what their experience level. No one is going to become a peon of some dude they just met on the Internet.
The Mythological Feeder and Word-of-the-Day Insulters
While I find the latter of this dual-category much more annoying, I feel that I need to address the former in the name of context.
Feeding, to my knowledge, is a LoL specific term that represents a teammate who is intentionally dying at the hands of the enemy to give your opponents an advantage. A true-blue gesture of trollism, this person enjoys the idea of infuriating teammates one thousand times more than he or she enjoys actually winning at the game. Is it funny? Yes. While never partaking in the activity myself, I can understand the humor behind it. The only problem? I don’t think feeders really exist.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a real “feeder” in my time playing League of Legends. Of course, that doesn’t stop every other person playing the game from shouting this idiom every chance they get.
I think that somewhere around nine out of ten people who get accused of “feeding” are just having a bad game. The term has evolved from labeling a trollish saboteur to someone who just dies a lot. Nevertheless, by the end of the game some ignorant preteen sends out his request: “Guys, report Caitlyn for feeding.”
Some people just don’t match up to your standards. This is exponentially true when you’re getting these people picked out of a virtual hat in a free video game. If I ever meet an honest-to-goodness feeder, I will probably try to image capture undeniable proof, as if I had found a unicorn or the Loch Ness monster. In the mean time, all you can do is quietly ignore those who refuse to save terminology for its proper use.
tl;dr Stop reporting me for feeding.
The projectionist is another dual-spec douche of the LoL community. His base function is to complain about anything and everything that is happening during a match that he is losing. The common trait being that none of what is occurring is his fault. He normal reveals himself in one of two forms.
The first is the team hater. Sure everyone has died seven or eight times and no one has gotten more than two kills, but it can all be traced back to top feeding their champs. If you were to look at things subjectively, of course, you would notice that the accuser most likely died just as much as those poor souls in top in the same time span. That’s just a simple fact he chooses to ignore. Another funny consistency I’ve noticed is that these guys are almost always mid, and they’re also almost always Ashe.
I don’t know what it is about this character, but she is like a sponge for shit heads.
The second, more delusional and therefore funnier iteration of the Projectionist is the never-give-up trash talker. Your team just dunked your foes. They’re down to inhibitors and the score is somewhere around 27-10 in your favor. Suddenly, this beacon of hate shows himself in /all chat. “Whatever, man. You guys aren’t even good.”
Not even good? Did you see the score? Normally at this point Mr. Hater makes a point to revert back to his first form, blaming his teammates for letting you walk all over them. But before long her returns focus to your team. “You’re not even building right.” Seems to be working out pretty well for me. “I could totally take any of you 1v1.” Real shame it’s a 5v5 game, isn’t it? The poor boy is in denial. It’d be funny if it weren’t so sad.
We all know that no matter what, haters gon’ hate. I suppose this entire article is just me hating in my own special way. All I want is for everyone to get along with one another.
I’ve had solo queue games where everyone is random and anonymous yet we all had a really fun time. I’m talking stuck-out-tongue emoticons and kind compliments to the opponent for a well orchestrated kill. This game can be a pleasant experience for everyone. You just have to let it be.
And stop clicking so much with the fucking pings. I SEE THAT THEY’RE IN THE BUSHES. CHRIST. ONE AND DONE.
For even more annoying LoL players, check out part 2: 6 More of the Most Annoying League of Legends Players: The Dunning-Kruger Army.