Movies

3 Second Movie Reviews – 12/30/2011

December 30, 2011

Welcome to Adventures in Poor Taste’s weekly movie review roundup. I’ll be posting a slathering of movie reviews each week to give folks a healthy helping of what’s good and and what’s not so good. New and old, the reviews cover anything from the pleasantly innocent Winnie The Pooh to disturbingly twisted Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom.

Another week, another set of movie reviews, but before you check this weeks offering check out my favorite and least favorite films of the year.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol (December 2011)

Three memorable gadgets, one very intense skyscraper scene, and an okay plot. I’d call that a win even if it’s the third best of the four. What’s with the red/blue theme and always running and climbing in these movies? Also, I envy Simon Pegg. The guy makes one great cult film and now he’s instilled in two franchises (the other being Star Trek).

“…and if I wave my hands like so, the Scientology aliens give me an enema!”

Grade: B+

Ponytpool (June 2009)

This is a rare type of horror film; it keeps the audience both entertained and freakishly-yet-enjoyably-confused contained in one location. The “horror” in the movie actually relates to the feelings you have in reaction to it. This could be effective as a radio play…it’s that good.

Grade: A-

Stake Land (June 2011)

First, you think it’s an action movie on a low budget. Then it gets the sensibility to be a trek movie with some suspense. A good little vampire movie, but the vamps are kind of weird looking. It’s as if the make up and effects department decided the best look for a vampire started with an awful wig.

A vampire that looks like a werewolf doing a Frankenstein impression.

Grade: B

Heathers (March 1989)

Do you remember the 80s? According to this film, no, no you really don’t. It has its moments and great bits of dialogue, but as a whole this film remains in nostalgia land. You could ask this movie, “what’s your damage?”

Grade: B-

Warrior (September 2011)

Extremely powerful film about 2 brothers fighting for different reasons in a UFC style match. The action is intense and the story is unparalleled.

If films were reviewed using this movie still, I would give Warrior two thumbs up for successfully pulling off the Conan O’Brian meets Mrs. Doubtfire film we’ve all been waiting for.

Grade: A

Portlandia (2011)

Yes, it’s a TV show, but its entire first season is only two hours. Skits actually carry over too, which give it a story like structure. If your body doesn’t ache after watching this I highly advise to inspect your living area. You’re in a coffin. Though covering the entire first season it’s just over two hours of awesome skits set to the earthy-crunchy wiles of Portland.

Grade: A

Green Lantern (June 2011)

Incredibly boring mostly due to flat supporting cast members and a much too ambitious double daddy issue back story for the villain and hero. Also Ryan Reynolds is annoying.

What is this movie? Green Lantern cheating at charades gives the answer…diarrhea.

Grade: D

Pulse (November 2005)

Japanese horror that’s nearly all exposition dealing with the routine of the characters, not the bloody ghosts. When you finally get to the climax you realize the movie should have started at the end and gone forward.

Grade: C

Winnie the Pooh (July 2011)

Good stuff! Only an hour, but when Eeyore says, “we’re all going to die” the movie hits a home run! I can definitely see little kids watching this 500 times. It’s kind of infectious.

In this deleted scene, Ellie the Sociopathic Elephant shows them where the bodies are.

Grade: B+

Thor (May 2011)

I like the action, I like the overall plot and Asgard hits a home run in style and look. That said, the love story is non existent and there’s not enough of Thor learning anything. He just sort of figures it out. Lazy really.

Grade: B-