The Amazing Spider-Man hits theaters July 3 and that can mean only one thing! Merchandising! Many of the toys that will soon hit shelves have been revealed at Hasbro’s New York Toy Fair 2012 this weekend. I for one love Spider-Man toys. There aren’t too many superheroes you can contort and fool around with more than ol’ Spidey in action figure form. Get out your pocket calculators fellow nerds. It’s time to count up the sweet, sweet points of articulation!
Because Spider-Man needs to be able to shoot Aunt May’s 5 foot dildo from his arm bazooka. What nephew wouldn’t?!
Spider-Man zip-line/dildo gun. Seriously that blue thing coming out of the handle can’t be webs right? This will also be my last dildo joke of the article.
Love the bedazzled thigh armor.
Are those spider sneakers?
Because they couldn’t fit Green Goblin into the film they gave Spider-Man a glider that looks like a…beetle?
The always necessary tea bag-action Spider-Man!
“The head is modeled after a basketball to get the sports demographic!” a psychopathic intern screamed after printing 50,000 copies of a plastic Spider-Man ass.
Slinky webs!Probably the best looking mold though.
So the designers took the thin Batmobile from the Batman movie and added hover mode.
Spider plane? If this isn’t in the movie I’m asking for a refund.
This had to have been created to compete with the BatPod from The Dark Knight.
If this can climb an actual wall it’ll be awesome. More than likely it will only hump the floor. “Can he hump? Listen bud. He’s got radioactive pud!”
If anyone can tell me what the heck this thing is let me know. A belt buckle? A siren? Something they will arrest you for trying to bring onto a plane?
Soon to replace Jason masks across the country!
Run spider-hampster, RUN!
Pretty sure this is the Spider-Man vacuum we’ve all been waiting for.
I called it folks! As I said in my Amazing Spider-Man trailer recap, the web shooter design was made for the toys, not for the films!
What a year for toys we have. With the Dark Knight Rises being geared for a more adult audience, these Spider-Man toys might be our best bet for goofy toys we’re going to get this year. Oh wait, there’s got to be some insane Avengers gear! Save the drool, Hulk hands, Iron Man dildo shooters and Hawkeye bow and arrows may be in our future! (Okay, three dildo jokes. Sorry, you’ve got to write about what ya know, right?)