Mario is a staple of gaming; an altruistic, plucky, mustachioed plumber more beloved and universally recognized at this point than Mickey Mouse. Surely no one would take the time to besmirch his beloved image with the equivalent of visual sleaze, right? Welcome to the Internet. Please, follow me:

Peach in a Diaper

by butterMYbiscuits12

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who merely have diaper fetishes, and the people who want to attribute these diaper fetishes to fictitious, fungal-based royalty. Although, is the 1-Up mushroom some kind of profound emblem for the gift of life? In that Peach’s nether regions are the only things capable of the gift of life and symbolic of the crux of all existence? Only butterMYbiscuits12 knows the true answer.

Female Bowser

by vaginaw4rrior

If an iconic turtle-dinosaur is drawn as a sexy reptilian stripper and no one is around to see it, is it still disturbing? I remember being asked that very same question in philosophy class. Well, okay, it wasn’t really philosophy class; it was actually the scary voice in my head who I named “Philosophy Class”. Still, he may not have been “real” but, hot damn, did he have some really great ideas.

Also, do reptiles even need massive breasts like that? (Or bob-ombs, as the picture would suggest.) What would be the purpose? It’s not like any reptile ever has been nursed by the milk-secreting organ of female mammals for survival’s sake, so I guess those voluminous mounds are just purely ornamental. And fantastic. Uh, sorry… did I really type that instead of just think it?

Pregnant Birdo

by Miscarriage Mayhem

This is the obligatory horribly-pregnant-fan-art-that-no-one-wants-to-see entry for this month. Notice the luscious curves of this impregnated Mario character and try not to think about the fact that Birdo was originally supposed to be male. Yes, stare at him intently and do your best not to fall to your knees and weep with the tears of every Native American Chief that ever existed.

Anime Schoolgirl Mario

by tampaxDildos997

It’s well known that major brain trauma can cause a normal human mind to get its wires crossed and start acting really, really funky. In tampaxDildos997’s case, he has probably suffered from more than, I don’t know, let’s just say a dozen strokes; this would explain the strange mixture of primary sexual characteristics seen in this image.

It’s sad really: to him he probably sees this as just an ordinary depiction of Mario. To us, on the other hand, we see only horror in the truest sense of the word.

Ha, just kidding! Yeah, as unbelievable as this might be, the artist who drew this probably doesn’t have any real reason for being as creepy as he is. He just thinks that this image is sexually appealing.

Want to sport some Mario artwork you can actually be comfortable with? Check out Bowser’s worst nightmare, A Plumber’s Fire from J!NX, Video Games and Geek Culture t-shirts.