If you’re reading this, it either means the whole Mayan prediction of our imminent doom was grossly inaccurate, or it won’t happen until later tonight. Either way you’re alive, so I’ll keep this brief, so you can go out there and enjoy what’s really important.

Mainly, not being a rotting, worm-riddled, putrifying corpse. It’s the circle of liiiiiiifeeeeeeeee!


Hellblazer #298


This is the first issue of Death and Cigarettes, a three part arc which ends the version of Constantine we know. What sort of ultra-hip abomination will be birthed once the old bastard is worm food, via the New 52, who can say? But, in this, the holiday season, let us appreciate that established John is still with us, if only for a brief while.

With this issue, Milligan has earned his way into my heart with the greats. Perhaps it’s the reflection upon life and death which makes the issue so moving. It could easily have been executed in a false manner; a tacky, overly optimistic manner. Let’s face facts: no matter your theology, death is the scariest train you’ll ever have to face down. Constantine has faced this choo-choo many a time before, so he’s ballsier than most. However, you can still sense the regret, and the fear in him. The pessimism, that no matter how cheery a person you are, comes when you know your lightbulb is about to burn out. Mostly, Constantine feels guilty for his young wife, Epiphany John comes to grips with it all, and is ready to meet oblivion by the end of this issue. But he doesn’t want to, and as a fan it’s heartbreaking. And I won’t tell you how it ends, that’s not how I operate. Me tries to keeps the spoilage to a minimum.

The art is exactly the same is it has been: great. So to Guiseppe Camuncoli, Stefano Landini, and all the rest of the gang, cheers.


GORE PANEL OF THE WEEK



BPRD Hell on Earth: The Return of the Master #5


A certain someone comes back, as a really intense looking giant skeleton thing. Kind of reminds me of something I fought in the newest Wolfenstein on the ol’ PS3.

Apocalyptic to the maximum, Mignola and John Arcudi continue to have me sweating in me seat.

Giant monsters, resurrected evil Russian mystics, some other crazy dude in Scotland controlling other giant monsters. Ah, I’ve died and gone to monster heaven. All the beasties are done in glorious detail by Tyler Crook, and all the other people that helped him I’m too lazy to look up.

Definitely pick this up. It’s intense. And of course, pick up the other issues. My only complaint would be that nothing is really tied up, but I’m sure they’ll keep going. This arc of Hell on Earth has been one doozy of a ride.


Locke and Key Omega #2


This issue focuses on Rufus, the special needs child who is friends with Bode, the youngest of the Locke family. It recaps what Rufus has been through, and what state Bode is currently in. And I shit you not, this issue has a special needs child getting wonked in the noggin’ with a tire iron. Yikes…just yikes. Has anyone ever heard of using restraint techniques? Nope, just straight to hitting the special needs kid in the dome.


SERIOUSLY, YOU WENT THERE? PANEL OF THE WEEK


Another establishing comic, with little action. More of the same from Joe Hill, who seems to have his father’s proclivity for portraying special needs children as having magical powers. Although, the panels where we get to see how Rufus sees everything are awesome. For instance instead of mental health workers, he sees…


Yup, it’s Nazi dinosaurs.

And I swear, doofy dialogue and phrasing is in the genes of the King family. Hill also names people as if he were writing a B-movie. For instance, Rufus’ last name…is Whedon. And the town the Locke’s live in…is called Lovecraft. Sigh.

Art is the same as it’s been from Gabriel Rodriguez. One of those necessary evil, kind of boring issues.

Not a lot of gore this week. Well, at least that I can show without giving spoilers away. Still, interesting week of horror comics.

Hopefully, I’ll see you next week. If not, it’s been fun attempting to entertain all ten of you.