Comic book panels that make you go, “Hmm?” That’s right, Adventures in Poor Taste brings them to you on the weekly.
Also, comic book panels that make you go “What the hell,” “Why am I looking at this?” and “My dear Lord, I am sorry for being such a reprehensible sack of s--t — please take my eyes from me, I don’t deserve them anymore.”
Yep, we got those too. Right here. Ready and waiting for your deviant retinas to feast upon. Take a look while you’ve still got them.
Savage Wolverine #3
Dave: Chyna, former WWE “star” is that you? Top left, huge mammaries, pigtails, derpface? Yup it sure looks like you. Oh the mammaries… I mean memories!
Sean: Yes, the women, and the boobs, but… seriously, what is that hat man? Is that…a small tree on your head? Is that the equivalent of a pimp hat in the Savage Land? And Dave, top left might be special needs. All you buddy.
Judge Dredd Year One #1
Dave: Recess was never the same again.
Sean: I believe I can flyyyyyAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Dave: Last I checked it was NOT okay to beat up girls. Damian dying is no excuse for this. I’m thinking a name change is in order: let’s go with Misogynist Man stat!
Sean: And this is why Bruce Wayne is still single.
Russ: First banging shamelessly on a rooftop and now this? Batman and Catwoman like it rough. Also, is Wayne Brady… er, Bruce Wayne gonna have to choke a b---h? The answer is yes.
Indestructible Hulk #5
Dave: So… this chick is from Atlantis and she has a huge badonkadonk. Last I checked an ass was necessary for bipedal mammals to move around. Not fish women who float to work!
Sean: No Dave, she makes it clap to propel herself through the water.
Seriously though, I hope they use protection. The last thing we need is some half-fish person/half Hulk swimming around with a huge ass.
Russ: I guess now’s not the best time to bring up that drunk Scuba diving story then, is it?
All-New X-Men #9
Dave: Zombie Marvel characters are overdone and yet Daredevil seems confused. What is going on with Daredevil’s desire to eat armor and clothing? Zomdaredevil never got the memo.
Sean: “Daredevil zombie eat clothes! Wait. This seems wrong. Spiderzombie, what we do again?”
Avengers Vol. 5 #8
Dave: This might look like the Avengers are helping Thor rape a young naked boy and… yeah well he might as well be, even if you knew the context of the panel. Yeesh.
Sean: I Thor, the mighty God of Thunder, shall take your brown cherry, in the name of Odin! Verily!
Superior Spider-Man #6
Dave: The internet is a place for anything in poor taste, including nut shots. This includes, of course, comic book columns highlighting said nut shots.
Sean: And the lawsuit from Fox comes in 3, 2, 1…
Patrick: [Said in Bob Saget narrator voice from America’s Funniest Home Videos] “Boy, his Spider-Schlong sense must be tingling. Or is that stinging?!” [laugh track]
Justice League of America #2
Dave: I’m pretty sure David Finch doesn’t know how zippers work.
Sean: Dear David Finch,
How do Catwoman’s boobs not fall out?
Russ: What, you guys don’t remember when Jennifer Lopez wore this dress one year to the Grammys? Don’t hate on David Finch’s remarkable awareness of women’s fashion.
Dave: I spared you the sex scene, by the way. Also, this is not sexy at all: Alana has zero dirty talk ability.
Sean: Remember kids, always pull out. Even if she asks you not to politely. The more you know. (Sean gets sued by NBC in 3,2,1…)
Russ: To be fair, kids do love applesauce. And when they’re not drunken mistakes.
Nova Vol. 5 #2
Dave: So when did the Watcher get a makeover to look like a stereotypical alien? He went from blobby greek god, to giant baby, to giant head skinny body to finally shift to this. He’s been around for 50 years this April, but damn has he had the most changes to his physical form of any hero. For someone who’s content with taking no action, guy has a major issue with plastic surgery.
Sean: Stop hanging out with Lindsey Lohan. You’re beautiful, just the way you are! Damn it Sean, a Lohan joke?! You’re part of the problem! Ugh, I’m sorry, I can do better. Hold on, give me another chance! Steve Buscemi is taller than I remembered. There. Nailed it.
Russ: Don’t blame Ed McGuinness for this blunder. Blame Mama Watcher for her neglect during pregnancy and Uatu’s subsequent fetal alcohol syndrome. To be fair though, Daddy Watcher probably just stood by and get this… watched it all happen. (I hate myself.)
BPRD Hell on Earth: A Cold Day in Hell Part 1
Sean: Oooh, right in the monster junk. Consequently, that’s the name of my upcoming autobiography.
Dave: The first rule of monster killing is to incapacitate their genitals. No telling how many of your recruits will sleep with the damn things.
Deadpool #6 (Pick 1)
Dave: Is that a blowjob joke or do I just have a filthy mind?
Russ: So that’s how bath time went in your house.
On the plus side, you guys must have been adept rotary breathers. Also very convenient if you one day plan to play the didgeridoo.
Deadpool #6 (Pick 2)
Dave: You could say Deadpool is a “stache-cutioner”. [Dave chuckles to himself]
Russ: Hold your applause folks — Dave will be here all week.