There are days when you need a pick-me-up and the only thing that’ll do is offbeat humor. Thankfully, AiPT scientists have been hard at work collecting samples of the most repugnant, reviled, and all around bizarre comic book panels west of the Yangtze River to ensure your day is much more cheerful every Friday afternoon. Cheerful and downright weird: Just like you and us.
Age of Ultron #7 (of 10)
Written by Brian Michael Bendis | Art byCarlos Pacheco, Brandon Peterson
Dave: Soon, you too can brandish the foreplay of the Hulk in the bedroom! Just purchase and read Hulka Sutra Smash!
Sean: Hulk know no mean yes!
Russ: “You wouldn’t like me when I’m rape-y!”
Polarity #2 (of 4)
Written Max Bemis | Art byJorge Coelho
Dave: Now that is one uncontrolled substance!
Sean: That’s talent right there. A real gift.
Russ: Not as talented or special as you think: Aspiring runway models have been doing this for decades now.
Superior Spider-Man #9
Written by Dan Slott | Art by Ryan Stegman
Dave: Here are two face rip panels in the same issue (appearing on different pages) complete with bloody mess and trippy mask under the face motifs.
Sean: And I’m also SHRIPP Tiger Woods! Why am I Spider-Man? I don’t know, had some free time.
Jordan: What? No old man Jenkins?
Russ: With great power comes… poor collagen and elastin levels and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome?
All-New X-Men #11
Written by Brian Michael Bendis | Art by Stuart Immonen
Dave: I’ll have you know Bologna Ala Gucci is one of the finest colons!
Sean: Bologna: by Calvin Klein.
Ten Grand #1
Written by J. Michael Straczynski | Art by Ben Templesmith
Dave: Dead eyes, Joker smile, bloody lumps…yeah this is my worst nightmare.
Sean: It’s cool guys! I’m o-kay! Don’t worry ‘bout me none! I just gotta sleep this one off!
Jordan: So, does anyone want to know how he got his scars?
Suicide Risk #1
Written by Mike Carey | Art by Elena Casagrande
Dave: It’s not supposed to bend like that!!!!
Sean: Bro, pretty sure you already did rip his arm off.
Russ: No table manners, that dude. Doesn’t he know you’re supposed to offer the human liver up first? It has the most protein.
The Jungle Book: Last of the Species #3
Written by Mark L. Miller | Art by Eduardo Garcias
Dave: There are cases where the skinny female form begs you to want it. Then there are other cases where it begs you to feed it. This is one of those girls.
Sean: She broke both her knees! How is she standing?!
Jordan: Well obviously people were much stronger back in the day.
Russ: Looks like her and the dude from the Polarity panel up above have been exchanging puking techniques.
Thanos Rising #2
Written by Jason Aaron | Art bySimone Bianchi
Russ: Well maybe it’s a good thing we can’t see what Thanos, the Peeping Titan’s left hand is doing in that second panel.
Jordan: Wait… what are those things on her butt? Bubbles? If so, this calls for a bad pun.
Dave: What a little rascal. In fact, is this Little Rascals In Space? The new Marvel TV show!
Russ: I guess they had the movie Congo up there on Titan, too. Since butchering innocent gorillas is everyone’s initial reaction upon finishing. That or butchering director Frank Marshall, whoever comes first.
Jordan: You know, I don’t think he’s a licensed doctor.
Dave: That child needs proper eyewear! Or maybe Thanos getting AIDS will make him that much more emo in the next issue?