Have you ever wondered why there isn’t more comedic comic book commentary? Sure, Mad Magazine is one source, but what about something to cover the current and more obscure comics? We aren’t calling ourselves the Mystery Science Theater 3000 of comic book covers…but maybe we should tell our lawyers to copyright the idea. Crap, we’ve said too much.
Just join us as we rip into some truly awful covers and weep with us as we dissect the good ‘uns too.
Where we don’t understand, are insulted by or would rather stab our eyes with acid pops than look at these covers for various reasons.
Dark Shadows Vampirella TPB
Dave: We usually stick to single issues on the preview, but I just had to add this to our WTF category. Take a glance at this and you think, “Meh bland and boring.” Look again. Do you see it? Vampirella is impossibly twisted! The mistake must have happened when rendering the cape or something, but the space between her vertebrae from the top of the bottocks to the lower back must been at least 6 inches apart. Ew.
Brendan: Yeah, Dracula definitely snapped that bitty’s spinal column. I appreciate a creator’s artistic desire to showcase both the T and the A but perhaps we should keep it within the realm of physical possibility. Otherwise you’re delving into weird deformity raunch and that’s really more of Russ’ thing.
X-Men #1 (Variant)
Dave: Rihanna-boobs. Carry on.
Brendan: Pop singer similarities aside, I think this cover is awesome. Everyone is well drawn and the generic team cover motif doesn’t seem nearly as stale as it normally does. Dave is weirded out by short-haired African American women but if he wasn’t, this would have been one of my top choices this week.
X-Men #1 (Variant)
Dave: Who will buy this comic based on the variant cover? I don’t even get it. Why is there a photo version of Deadpool? Why are there zombies reenacting the Beatles? What does this have to do with the X-Men?! Do Deadpool fans go out and buy every variant cover he’s on, regardless of title, which forces Marvel to print this stupidity?
Brendan: I think the Marvel cash-grab is centered around that very notion, young David. Throw Deadpool in a odd and comedic setting and BOOM; sales go through the roof. There is no value to this cover, however. It’s just a blatant attempt to swipe away some poor fool’s money.
Lady Death #29 Sultry Cover
Dave: What the hell is sultry about a period blood bath? She’s riding the crimson wave eh? I’m not a big fan of athlete abs on a woman either. Blughth to everything about this cover!
Brendan: Now, here’s my gripe with this cover, along with my other WTF:
What’s with the sexy/gory combo? What kind of person says to themselves “I love half naked women, but in order to really get me going there needs to be blood or severed heads”? I get the whole badassery over it, but it feels remarkably forced. Makes me think these guys are overcompensating for something.
Brendan’s Honorable Mentions:
Adventure Time Annual #1
Brendan: I love seeing characters drawn in ways that are drastically different than their original forms. Seeing Finn as a real boy is slightly unsettling. It’s almost as unsettling as the blob-dog-monster that is Jake.
Dave: This cover really creeps me out. It shows just how insane the characters are when shown in a realistic light. Bravo.
Dark Avengers #190
Brendan: I just love the concept of Skaar sitting atop a tree in New York, just contemplating his existence. What does it all mean, y’know?
Dave: Forget Skaar, that is one super powered tree! How else could it hold the 4 ton son of Hulk? To be honest though, I really dig the color choices here.
Dave’s Honorable Mentions:
All New Secret Skullkickers #1
Dave: The colors! My god man the colors! I love how stone like this monster is which is made even more immovable looking by the shards of rock flying out from his fists. Our elf hero is also looking super slick without any gratuitous boobs or ass to speak off. Commendable!
Brendan: The colors are absolutely what sell this cover. The way they shimmer and blend is so unique I can’t imagine it being done by a normal person.
Grimm Fairy Tales Realm Knights One Shot
Dave: Though there’s a bit of a rump and breast exploitation going on I really love the movement and expressions of these characters. She’s so sure she’s got that strike blocked and he’s not yet aware he missed. Add to that the well rendered clothes and interesting backdrop and you’ve got yourself a winner of a cover.
Brendan: I can’t get passed our heroine’s “did I leave the stove on?” expression. The overall quality of the surrounding work really helps dull the foolishness of her ridiculously skimpy costume.
Dave’s Cover of the Week
Dave: Lo and behold my favorite cover is the non variant edition by the artist who’s doing the interiors! Why is this cover worthy? Because each character is rendered perfectly be it body language or expression. These are strong women with many different personalities. The dynamics that’ll make this comic great are right there on the cover. Bravo!
Brendan: Here we have another high quality team cover that doesn’t feel as stale as some of its predecessors. I do love the unique and accurate poses for each of our heroines along with the half-drawn rubble of the poor sentinel. It shows that they mean business!
Brendan’s Cover of the Week:
Clive Barker Next Testament #1
Brendan: I love the unique color scheme being presented here. It gives everything an otherworldly and kind of biological vibe (does that make sense to anyone?). I must say that this cover leaves me incredibly intrigued.
Dave: Huh, I see the biological aspect, but I get a much more godlike feel from the cover. Mainly from the dude walking into the light, but maybe it’s a cosmic force rather than godlike? Either way I’m titillated by the concept here.
Comics Being Released This Week
This is a cleaned up list via ComicList.com. Comic availability subject to change.
- BOOM! Studios
- Adventure Time Annual #1, $4.99
- Clive Barker’s Next Testament #1 (Of 12), $3.99
- Deathmatch #6, $3.99
- Dark Horse
- Amala’s Blade #2 (Of 4), $3.50
- Angel And Faith #22, $2.99
- B.P.R.D. Vampire #3 (Of 5), $3.50
- Dragon Age Until We Sleep #3 (Of 3), $3.99
- King Conan The Hour Of The Dragon #1 (Of 6), $3.50
- Last Of Us American Dreams #2 (Of 4), $3.99
- DC COMICS
- Adventures Of Superman #1m $3.99
- Batman The Dark Knight Annual #1, $4.99
- Catwoman Annual #1, $4.99
- Earth 2 Annual #1, $4.99
- Injustice Gods Among Us #5, $3.99
- Justice League Of America #4, $3.99
- Red Hood And The Outlaws Annual #1, $4.99
- Smallville Season 11 Special #1, $4.99
- Wake #1 (Of 10), $2.99
- Danger Girl Trinity #2 (Of 4)(Cover A J. Scott Campbell), $3.99
- Doctor Who Prisoners Of Time #5 (Of 12)(Cover A Francesco Francavilla), $3.99
- G.I. JOE #4 (Cover A Juan Doe), $3.99
- Godzilla #12 (Cover A Bob Eggleton), $3.99
- Jericho Season 4 #3 (Of 5)(Cover A Tim Bradstreet), $3.99
- Jinnrise #5 (Of 5)(Cover A Mark Torres), $3.99
- Kill Shakespeare The Tide Of Blood #4 (Of 5)(Cover A Nimit Malavia), $3.99
- My Little Pony Micro-Series #4 (Of 6)(Fluttershy)(Cover A Amy Mebberson), $3.99
- Popeye Classics #10 (Cover A Bud Sagendorf), $3.99
- Star Trek #21 (Cover A Tim Bradstreet), $3.99
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #22 (Cover B Kevin Eastman), $3.99
- Transformers More Than Meets The Eye #17, $3.99
- Transformers Prime Beast Hunters #1=, $3.99
- Image Comics
- Chew #34, $2.99
- Clone #7, $2.99
- Elephantmen #48, $3.99
- Five Weapons #4 (Of 5), $3.50
- Lost Vegas #3 (Of 4)(Cover A Janet Lee), $3.50
- Mind The Gap #10 (Cover B Sonia Oback), $2.99
- Morning Glories #27 (Cover A Joe Eisma), $3.99
- Thief Of Thieves #14, $2.99
- MARVEL COMICS
- Avenging Spider-Man #21, $3.99
- Captain America #7, $3.99
- Captain Universe The Hero Who Could Be You #1, $7.99
- Dark Avengers #190 (Final Issue), $2.99
- Fury MAX #12, $3.99
- Gambit #13, $2.99
- Indestructible Hulk #8, $3.99
- Iron Man #258.4, $3.99
- Marvel Super Heroes #9 (Disney Publishing Worldwide), $4.99
- Morbius The Living Vampire #5, $2.99
- New Avengers #6, $3.99
- Savage Wolverine #5 (Frank Cho Regular Cover), $3.99
- Uncanny X-Force #5 (Kris Anka Regular Cover), $3.99
- Venom #35, $2.99
- Wolverine And The X-Men #30, $3.99
- X-Men #1, $3.99
- Zenescope Entertainment
- Grimm Fairy Tales #85, $5.99
- Grimm Fairy Tales Presents Realm Knights #1(One Shot), $5.99
- Grimm Fairy Tales Presents Wonderland #11, $2.99