Every Friday, AiPT writers comb through every comic book page released days earlier, scanning and pointing with their oily grubby fingers, all in the hopes of finding boobs and compromising photos of shirtless men. When that fails, they pick out the panels that made them chuckle to share them in this weekly column known as—shout it from the Olympus—PANELS IN POOR TASTE.
This week, Psylocke gets a nose job, Psy is a baby, Google Glass 2.0 is unveiled and superheroes have strong fingers.
Dave: Judging by the panel above, I guess he wrote Gangnam Style as a baby. Is that racist, stupid, or both?
Jordan: That baby terrifies me.
Sean: Why is he in a car seat, in front of a field of sunflowers? I’m not even trying to be funny, is there a reason?
Russ: I guess M.C. Choi (not to be confused with M.C. Escher or M.C. Gainey) and Joon Han are really into Paraphilic infantilism. The sick bastards.
Red Sonja #76
Dave: I get it, Sonja is controlled by some vampire dude to kill kids and pregnant ladies, but why is the pregnant lady topless? I guess that makes her more demoney.
Sean: So the Manson Family were copycats…
Clive Barker’s Next Testament #1 (of 12)
Dave: “Excuse me, God? Yeah, ahem, maybe the world was super rejoiceful when bodies fell from the sky 3,000 years ago, but lately they’re really into this Bieber guy. Maybe start with Bieber and if that doesn’t work, then you naturally flow your presentation into the gore-rain? Just a thought.”
Jordan: Hey it’s raining men.
Sean: “So, uh, God, is it? Yes, um, just one tiny question. Why? Just, why? Are you angry? Happy? Randy? WHY GOD, WHY?!”
Justice League of America (2013-) #4
Dave: It’s not everyday you see blood spurt from where a bullet went in and out. Kind of gnarly but at the same time, kind of impossible.
Sean: Someone get Jackson Galaxy! Quickly!
Jordan: Trust me, if you were reading Catwoman right now, this was all for the best.
Batman: The Dark Knight (2011-) Annual #1
Dave: Close the den of disgustingness you call a mouth now!
Sean: Oh, my word, that nose….
Weird nose overload…can’t deal…
That thing truly is a beak!
Russ: So that’s what happened to Ashlee Simpson’s old nose.
Savage Wolverine #5
Dave: That has to be the worst support a bra has ever given bloobs I’ve ever seen. Except for that tinsel bra my aunt wore one Christmas…shudder.
Sean: She’s screaming because he has a boner.
Dave: I understand some Asians have small noses, but this is a mistake right? If I went on a date with a girl with a nose like that I’d ask her if she was in a horrible tractor accident.
Sean: Dude’s face in the second panel says it all.
Jordan: Someone’s had one too many nose jobs.
Dave: This is what it looks like when you diarrhea from your mouth. True story.
Sean: I think we’ve all been there. Am I right?
Dave: First rule of transporting dead bodies is you get rid of the old moldy ones! That is the most unkempt trunk I’ve ever seen!
Jordan: Dammit man, you gotta remember to clean out your trunk more often. What happens if you got to Home Depot and you can’t fit everything you bought into the backseat?
Sean: First rule of hooker murdering. Always get rid of the deceased streetwalker, before adding another one to the trunk of your car!
Dave: This is somehow okay but I can’t see a nice va-jay-jay on a superheroine or nipples on some nice bloobs in mainstream comics? Outrageous!
Jordan: Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As such, whatever beholder says that’s beautiful, I want to check their eyes to see if they are properly working or not.
Sean: I’m liking this whole “bloobs” thing, Dave. Good show, old boy.
The Wake #1
Dave: Google Glass 2.0 sure has some questionable features.
Jordan: Mister caveman sir, I’m pretty sure that’s not how you use that thing.
Sean: I don’t know that they’ve mastered the new 3D glasses technology just yet.
Red Hood and the Outlaws Annual #1
Russ: So she’s sexy because she complimented your fingers? You know finger play is still only third base at the most, right Roy? That wouldn’t be that much of an accomplishment considering how thirsty she sounds.
Dave: My best guess is she loves the shocker.
Jordan: Gratuitous crotch shot for all!