Comic books are full of beautiful art, enthralling characterization, and mesmerizing narratives.
But enough about that boring crap.
We know why you’re really here. You’re here to see the lowdown, detestable, reprehensible stuff. And by God are we gonna give it to you:
Scarlet Spider #20
Written by Christopher Yost | Art by Carlo Barberi
Dave: Sure, those Gwen Stacy clones are dead and basically waste, but is it just me or has the artist made them unnecessarily sexy and sweaty for some reason?
Sean: If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, H.R. Giger draws some weird ass sex scenes.
Russ: What’s the difference between a pile of dead Gwen Stacies and a Bugatti? I don’t have a Bugatti in my garage.
Written by Brian K. Vaughan | Art by Fiona Staples
Dave: As a writer I take offense to this picture. There should be way more urine on those whitey tighties. And a big hole to play my favorite game, “Sneaky Pete.” (Shout out.)
Jordan: I like to imagine this is Brian saying something about himself. Maybe he’s hinting that this is how he pitched Saga. He walked into Image’s offices, drunk and in his underwear, yelling he had an idea.
Sean: Okay, I did not sign a release for my likeness to be used in Saga, what gives?
Russ: On the plus side Sean, they noticed all that tanning you’ve been doing for the “Bearded Michael Jordan Lookalike” contest. It’s the little things.
Written by Joshua Dysart | Art by Barry Kitson
Dave: What a tease these panels are. Show us dong or show us death!
Sean: Out of context, I can only assume Harbinger is about two men who crash bodybuilding shows. Expect a movie version with Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson very soon.
Russ: As someone who has competed in amateur bodybuilding this is just fallacious: Everyone knows you can’t wear hats on stage.
Also, nobody would call the “Po-po” on people interrupting a bodybuilding show because there aren’t enough people in the crowd. Nor would the fuzz give a damn.
Green Lantern Corps #23
Written by Van Jensen, Robert Venditti | Art by Bernard Chang
Dave: When humans make contact with alien life I hope to god I’m not there to see the weird shit they’ll do with their bodies.
Sean: Damn alien girl! Back that… uh, front that shit up? Wait…
Russ: Sex with her would be just like when I dated that gymnast. And the contortionist. And that chick that crawled out of the TV at the end of The Ring.
Written by Todd McFarlane | Art by Szymon Kudranski
Dave: I’ve seen liposuction surgery and this…this is just all wrong. You want the third and fourth rib removed, that’s how you open up your life to self fellat… I mean, uh… nothing.
Sean: That is one hardcore tapeworm!
Savage Dragon #190
Written and drawn by Erik Larsen
Sean: It’s like if the character from Peter Benchley’s White Shark joined Devo.
Dave: Shark Week Propaganda! I don’t know why more sharks aren’t picketing this issue. I for one think this is a cruel and prejudiced image that should put any shark supporters into a rage. Sharks R Friends!
Russ: Sweet Jesus that must have stung. I got poked in the eyeball by a thumb once and I couldn’t open it for a whole three minutes.
Written by Brian Posehn, Gerry Duggan | Art by Scott Koblish
Russ: Those are students in Iron Fist’s dojo. Earlier on in the issue, Iron Fist says this. I guess an, ahem… coldcock to this albino dude’s other magic wand is fair game though. Way to set an example, Iron Fist.
Dave: I’m just glad the chick on the left brought the prostate tickler. Looks like a very loud and bright model too. I hear Russ loves this model, particularly on stage WITH a hat.
Sam: Well, without the hat it’s just obscene. If I saw a dude in a Zebra fur coat, with a mustache, I’d probably sock him in the junk too.
Caption Contest Winner from 8/2/2013: Boobjob!
Boobjob: New from Circus de Soleil: “The dance of the eyeball!”
Congratulations Boobjob on winning the inaugural Panels in Poor Taste Caption Contest! Hell, we’re proud of you, even after your breast augmentation surgery.
Panels in Poor Taste Caption Contest
Each week, we provide a panel in need of a caption. You, the reader, submit your caption in the comments section below, and AiPT readers vote for their favorite. The captions with the most upvotes will win, and your panel will appear in next week’s edition of Panels in Poor Taste.
Steampunk Corsairs #1
Written and drawn by Rod Espinosa
Enter your caption in the comments below!
Don’t forget that the first two PiPTs ran for two weeks, so there’s still time to win last week’s Caption Contest. Click the link and submit your own clever caption for a chance to win. You sly dogs, you.