Hey you.

Yeah, you with the embarrassed look on your face and your belt buckle halfway undone. We know why you came to us. You want the nastiest, most hilarious, lewdest, and/or most overly violent comic book panels the week had to offer.

And so you came to us. You did good, kids. Real good. Repeat after us: “Adventures in Poor Taste is your hook-up. Holla if you hear us.”


American Vampire Anthology: The Lost Colony


American Vampire Anthology Panels in poor taste 01
Written by Jason Aaron | Art by Declan Shalvey

Jordan: And behind door number one is… huh, I thought it would be a new car for sure.

Sean: “Phew, everything’s just as I left it.”

Russ: Would it kill the kitchen staff to mop the floors once in a while? Do they want those clipboard-thumping killjoys from the FDA up in there whining about food poisoning hazards? Careless schmucks.


American Vampire Anthology: Essence of Life


American Vampire Anthology Panels in poor taste 02
Written by Gail Simone | Art by Tula Lotay

Jordan: Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Or in this case: A muffled whimper.

Sam: I didn’t know there were Kick-Ass/American Vampire crossovers! This is definitely the work of Hit-Girl.

Sean: But did he get off before he died is the question?

Russ: Never look your own gift cock in the mouth.

Wait a tick. Zippered cardigan sweater atop a shirt and tie. It’s… no! Joke’s over: Whoever did this to Mr. Rogers just opened up a shitstorm of pain for themselves. Comic book or not, you don’t fuck with Fred Rogers.


Thumbprint #3


malslapsself
Written by Joe Hill, Jason Ciaramella | Art by Vic Malhotra

Sean: That’s not what I meant when I told you to, “Play with yourself.”

Jordan: I can imagine a poltergeist doing this and saying, “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself.”

Russ: That’ll teach the uncouth bastard to pee in the shower. Do you have any idea how hard it is to scrub mold from the tiles? Note to self: Patent device that bitch smacks you for peeing in the shower.


Deadpool Vol. 4 #15


deadpool_butler
Written by Gerry Duggan, Brian Posehn | Art by Declan Shalvey

Russ: Looks like Deadpool is already auditioning for the role of Alfred so he can dole out witticisms and share heartwarming life lessons with Batfleck. He’s already got the accent down pat. Hint: Michael Caine is pronounced “My Cocaine.” Try it sometime.

Jordan: Before becoming a mercenary, Deadpool was a world renowned waiter. It was an interesting time period for him, but not well known for some reason.

deadpool_trackingdevice

Russ: He might make for a shitty butler — but Deadpool would have made a helluva cocaine smuggler.


Vampirella #33


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Written by Brandon Jerwa | Art by Heubert Michael

Russ: I liked it better when Charlton Heston said it.


Skullkickers #24


skullkickers_killdogthing
Written by Ron Marz | Art by Stjepan Sejic

Russ: Damn. Why you gotta do Vinz Clortho like that, woman? Gozer’s gonna be pissed.

Jordan: See? This is why you got to stab monsters in the eye! It’s so easier to pull out the blade then.

skullkickers_smack

Russ: I never knew Skullkickers was a biographical comic book about Sean Connery. He looks just as majestic with an eyepatch as I thought he would.


Secret #3



Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Ryan Bodenheim

Russ: The new policy to cut down on workers ignoring the “Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work” was a little drastic, ya think?

Jordan: Damn it, I was just trying to take a crap, and you guys had to be so loud and annoying!

Dave: That’s the last time I visit a glory-hole out of state! (Editor’s Note: This was not written by Russ. Honest.)


Caption Contest Winner from 8/23/2013: PussInLoafers!


zombietramp-whomp

PussInLoafers: Alas, poor Yorick. I skull-fucked him well!

Congratulations PussInLoafers for your poetic homage to Billy Shakespeare’s Hamlet. We’re sure Yorick would have listened just as intently to your version.

Panels in Poor Taste Caption Contest

Each week, we provide a panel in need of a caption. You, the reader, submit your caption in the comments section below, and AiPT readers vote for their favorite. The captions with the most upvotes will win, and your panel will appear in next week’s edition of Panels in Poor Taste.

Happy captioning!


Morning Glories #30



Written by Nick Spencer | Art by Joe Eisma

Enter your caption in the comments below!