Think we’ve grown tired of culling the most deplorable, weirdest, egregiously sexual panels from this week’s comic book releases?
Hell, you don’t know us very well, do you?
Justice League #23.2
Written by Marguerite Bennett | Art by Ben Oliver
Dave: Slicing someone into pieces is the only suitable punishment for drinking red wine with green olives.
Patrick: Looks like someone got really, really good at Fruit Ninja.
Sean: Judging by his blue-green skin tone he was already dead, so no huge loss.
Russ: My name is Russ Whiting. And I approve of Lobo’s new method of liposuction.
Written by Aaron Ginsburg | Art by Juan Ryp
Dave: If there was a time-lapse camera to show the very next panel.
Jordan: Judging from his reaction, I don’t think he cares.
Sean: Ah, the old existential angst from falling down in a chair you’re tied to.
Russ: You can’t see it, but the monitor of his speech generating device reads, “That’s right, you better walk away — you’re lucky I don’t have the use of my lower limbs or I’d run your ass over with these monster truck tires I had hooked up to my wheelchair.”
Written by Brian Wood | Art by David Lopez
Dave: Once you notice she’s blushing you realize which leg she means. Am I right ladies?!
Jordan: Oh my! His back muscles are so dreamy!
Sam: Wait… if he was in that corner how did he get that t-shirt from the clothesline?
Russ: That’s not the same t-shirt, Sam. Cyclops’ lesser known secondary mutant power: He’s really good at smuggling things in his body cavities. Also, Jean’s a fucking creep.
Grimm Fairy Tales presents Zombies: The Cursed #3
Written by Troy Brownfield | Art by Oscar Celistini
Dave: When you slam a zombie head into a wall, palm into teeth, aren’t you taking a risk of getting bit? The answer: Not when it’s made of mashed potatoes!
Jordan: Those zombies have the consistency of a cherry pastry.
Russ: The only villains in history more feeble than the Putties from Power Rangers. Rita Repulsa and Finster would be so proud.
The Manhattan Projects #14
Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Pitarra
Dave: Jacob just wanted a dildo arm, but after cutting off more and more he had to come to grips it’d have to be chode, or no dildo at all.
Sam: But I just wanted to look like Cable, ma! He’s my favorite!
Sean: Ladies, he is single.
Russ: Stop being so oblivious, assholes. Self-mutilation is obviously a cry for help.
Written by Patrick Shand | Art by Antonio Bifulco
Dave: Even worse than zombies: hormonal teenage girls with pink eye and extreme acne breakouts.
Sean: Ah, our target demographic.
Robocop: Last Stand #2
Written by Frank Miller | Art by Korkut Oztekin
Dave: Every fire hydrant dreams of one day growing up to be this machine.
Pat: That dog is a badass. “Piss on your civic statutes!”
Russ: “Riss on rour rivic ratutes!” ::Scooby Doo-esque snickering::
Dave: “I’m a therapist…who really really hates cats!”
Jordan: We are going to cure that damn dirty mind no matter how long it takes!
Hit List #1
Written by Ralph Tedesco | Art by Sami Kivela
Dave: Because she only has a couple meals for the whole week! ::rimshot:: I’ll be here all week.
Jordan: I think she needs to stop painting clothes on. It’s just not fooling anyone anymore.
Sean: He meant she eats his dick. I understood that reference.
Written by J. Michael Straczynski | Art by Tom Mandrake
Dave: In the preceding panel little Billy screams, “I want one now!”
The surgeon didn’t realize just how spoiled Billy was. “I want my own eviscerated life sized dolls,” Billy squelched before his parents started wagging 100 dollar bills in Mr. The Surgeon’s face. Boy was it going to be a long night…
Jordan: Straczynski woke up one day and thought to himself, “You know, superhero comics are just not dark enough. Let me fix that.”
Sam: This looks more like a Lady Gaga concert than a murder scene.
Sean: You know you’re bad, when inanimate objects like a pipe call you a monster.
Written by Gerry Duggan, Brian Posehn | Art by Declan Shalvey
Dave: Why is he “having a good time in there” exactly? Did he fart or is that some kind of growth?
Russ: Aw, look at Dave. Trying to feign ignorance to cover up his crippling dermatillomania disorder. (Look it up.)
Caption Contest Winner from 8/30/2013: DonBurgundy!
Congratulations, Don. Say “hi” to your brother Ron for us on the set of Anchorman 2, will ya?
DonBurgundy: Not pictured in the helicopter — this version of the Hulk. Masturbating.
Panels in Poor Taste Caption Contest
Each week, we provide a panel in need of a caption. You, the reader, submit your caption in the comments section below, and AiPT readers vote for their favorite. The captions with the most upvotes will win, and your panel will appear in next week’s edition of Panels in Poor Taste.
Batman and Robin #23.2
Written by James Tynion IV | Art by Jorge Lucas
Enter your caption in the comments below!