Everyone wanted to see a rap battle featuring the twerking menace to society: Miley Cyrus. But who could have imagined a matchup this good? Miley Cyrus vs. Joan of Arc; that sounds pretty goddamn epic. Imagine one of the most famous virgins versus the loudest sex icon in society today. Get some!

Special Effects and Costumes

Sam: I liked some aspects of the costumes in this battle. I am heartily impressed with Joan’s chainmail and armor but am not in love with the Miley get-up. It seemed sort of craftsy rather than professional. I was however, quite wowed by the teddy-bear backs, those were a fun detail.

Also, I thought the cloud of crows in the background for Joan’s part was exciting.

Dave: Miley is pretty close on the costumes, but her hair needs work. What is that, a flat top? Go back to the 90s, weird fake Miley! The burning castle behind Joan of Arc works great though. Even though she’s a religious icon, the burning castle imbues the rage she took to the battlefield. The special effects behind Miley were alright. A little too generic pop music for my tastes.

Verse #1

Sam: Miley is just vicious in her opening lines. There are some great rhymes in there, and all of them are just bursting with aggression. I loved the reference to Britney Spears and the line about twerking (not too forced), but overall there was nothing crazy good about this verse.

Dave: I liked the “getting lifted on Molly” connection to Joan of Arc being “lifted on a stake” as it shows Miley is about fun and Joan is all about morbid sad stuff. She also references how she killed her alter ego; I assume she means Hannah Montana, which is a nice touch.

Verse #2:

Sam: This verse’s opening would have been enough just on its own. Joan is praying to God for forgiveness for the disses she was about to dole out. Great little gimmick and starts the verse off well.

There wasn’t anything that really stood out to me in this verse; it was fun, but again, nothing spectacular. I thought that the lines about fathers and teaching was redundant and kind of thoughtless but the Wiz Khalifa line that followed was pretty clever.

Dave: Meh, didn’t feel this verse at all. The flat ass ribbing is a nice touch, but the rest was either forced or not great. “I’m the maid of Orleans” was particularly pointless. Okay, who cares?

Jessi Smiles looks a lot like Jennifer Lawrence

Verse #3

Sam: This verse had a lot of emotion but not a lot in the way of clever lyrics. The opening line wasn’t that funny and kind of just repeating some points from the beginning of the battle. I did like the hashtag line, it was a clever idea and a good diss.

Dave: In this verse I see how Miley used God to upset Joan, but it’s a bit of a forced job on that. I do like the “cross dressing” diss, as that’s kind of true, although Miley has done far worse so can’t she really talk.

Verse #4

Sam: This verse was decent, some interesting uses of the beat in the way Joan spit made it interesting to listen to but the rhymes were underwhelming (save the reference to Miley’s dad) especially the finisher, which was boring and inoffensive to Miley.

Dave: The “achey breaky bank” is a nice touch. For anyone who doesn’t know Miley’s dad wrote and sang “Achey Breaky Heart.” The end of the verse, saying to Miley to keep it in the USA is also a nice little touch and a good way to cap off her verse.

Phat Beats:

Sam: This was an interesting battle in terms of the beats. Some nice scratch going on in the background and build-up at the beginning of verse two. My only complaint is that it wasn’t quite quick enough which kept some of the rhymes from flowing as well as they could have.

Dave: I wish there was more to it really. It was pretty repetitive and all one beat. Couldn’t they given Joan something unique to work with?

The Winner Is…


I’m going to give this one to Joan.

Dave: I don’t know Sam, I thought Miley had better lines overall. Joan had a good demeanor and good posturing, but overall Miley had the better lines.


Sam: Iron Man vs. Inspector Gadget.

Dave: Leonardo Dicaprio versus Ray Liotta.