The Revenge #2
Written by Jonathan Ross | Art by Ian Churchill
Dave: Well Mr. Ross, could you make it any easier to get John Woo to make Face Off 2: Starring Air Bud?!
Dog: Quite a long way to go to be able to sniff butts in public without rebuke.
Jordan: I’m pretty sure what you guys are doing isn’t sanitary.
Sean: Got your work cut out for you, Dog the Bounty Hunter. This dude literally looks like a dog, how you gonna step your game up?
Russ: What an unfair portrayal of Peter Dinklage. Expect to hear from lawyers in cute little miniature tuxedos any day now, Ross and Churchill, you poltroons.
Eternal Warrior #7
Written by Greg Pak | Art by Robert Gill
Dog: “Right, and I’m the Everlasting Gobstopper; would you mind getting your boot off my fucking mandible, please?”
Dave: You know you’re a badass when you use ferocious grizzly bears as floor mats.
Sean: “When can I bite his leg off, Barry?”
Barry is the name of the other bear.
Jordan: Only an emperor can kick this much ass.
The Manhattan Projects #19
Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Pitarra
Dave: Now there’s a head-scratcher.
Dog: There’s something poetic about the third panel. But what’s the symbolism behind Tommy Lee Jones in old west drag laser blasting Hardbody Leatherface? I guess it means different things to different people.
Sean: It means strong sensual passion, that’s what it means.
My Little Phony: A Brony Adventure #1
Written by Mike Moreci, Steve Seeley | Art byKen Haeser
Dave: In what universe do ponies have butt cheeks?
Dog: The universe in which they give bronies My Little Boners. Which, sadly, is this one.
Jordan: Is this a preview of some upcoming parody for Adult Swim or something?
Sean: Never has a comic make comic store employees so skeeved out at the checkout counter.
Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #11
Written by Kevin Shinick | Art by Marco Checchetto
Dave: What’s more fun than riding a glider built for two?
Dog: This must be the fantasy Doc Ock had while dreamily doodling “Mr. Otto Osborn” on the back of his notebook. At least in marriage he’ll get to keep that stupendous Stan Lee alliteration.
Jordan: Just a couple of bros hanging out and terrorizing others.
Sean: Again, strong sensual passion.
X-O Manowar #23
Written by Robert Venditti | Art by Diego Bernard
Dave: They should change his name to X-O Moonowar.
Dog: I knew the NSA was monitoring my communications. Thank goodness my ass has not been in contact with any terrorists.
Sean: My ass is a terrorist. My girlfriend tells me that after every Taco Tuesday.
Wonderland – Clash of Queens #2
Raven Gregory | Art by Manuel Preitano
Dog: “The blood-pukingest place on Earth!”
Dave: I saw this at Disney recently. It was right after Crack Holiday Street but before Genocide Valley Dr.
Sean: “Welcome to Wonderland. Where blood is our only paint.”
Jordan: We need to talk with the head of tourism for this area. They clearly don’t know how to attract tourists.
Dog: “Blue Falcon compression stockings knock out even the most monstrous of varicose veins!”
Jordan: The shocking truth behind steroid abuse.
Jordan: Clearly the veins in his penis have gone to his head. I mean, seriously there is no penis left!
Sean: It appears Blue Falcon just has one bulbous chode for genitalia. No balls to speak of.
Unless those are up by his abs…
Again, this week is all about strong, sensual passion between men.