Thor: God of Thunder #21
Written by Jason Aaron | Art by Esad Ribic
Dave: The energy of planets is purple, which proves purple drank powers the universe.
Sean: Lil Wayne taught me that.
Russ: Galactus be OG. Sippin’ that sizzurp. Lappin’ up that lean.
Neverland: Age of Darkness #2
Written by Joe Brusha | Art by Luca Claretti
Dave: 21st century sex toys sure have gotten dangerous features.
Sean: I’m questioning “pfoom” as an onomatopoeia for a guy’s brains blowing out the back of his head. Needs more gushing noise, like, “pfurrsh!”
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan
Dave: Speaking for the children, because I’m always thinking of the children, thank the Lord our savior that her nipples were covered by the butcher knife. Amen.
Jordan: Speaking for myself, I have no idea where the heck her bones disappeared to.
Sean: This woman is made of lasagna.
Russ: This is why you don’t f--k with Dr. Evil. Looks like being placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds whenever you’re insolent isn’t “pretty standard, really” punishment after all.
Justice League (2011-) #29
Written by Geoff Johns | Art by Doug Mahnke
Dave: Why must every robot super team have a Whorebot 5000?
Jordan: That doctor is creeping the hell out of me with that smile.
Sean: You know the doc is thinking “Soon, I will have my robot orgy.”
Russ: “Cyborg’s codpiece… so hot right now. Codpiece.”
Written by Michael Moreci, Tim Daniel | Art by Colin Lorimer, Riley Rossmo
Dave: Dreidels have gotten way more bloody lately.
Jordan: Sorry, but I don’t think that little wimpy gun is going to help you much against that beast.
Sean: Look how coy that werewolf looks in the third panel. What a dick!
American Vampire: Second Cycle (2014-) #2
Written by Scott Snyder | Art by Rafael Albuquerque
Dave: Get some soap and water, Neosporin, and holy water for that kind of cut. I saw it on Dr. Oz.
Jordan: I think she’s turning into a zombie; you may want to get the gun folks.
Harley Quinn (2013-) #5
Written by Amanda Conner | Art by Stéphane Roux
Dave: Man, that girl sure can give a good job through blowing.
Jordan: Fascinating. I didn’t think you could make person squirt out strawberry jam when you blew into their IV tubes.
Sean: And I didn’t know Mr. Rogers was now a cyborg with an eyepatch.