Thor: God of Thunder #21



Written by Jason Aaron | Art by Esad Ribic

Dave: The energy of planets is purple, which proves purple drank powers the universe.

Sean: Lil Wayne taught me that.

Russ: Galactus be OG. Sippin’ that sizzurp. Lappin’ up that lean.


Neverland: Age of Darkness #2



Written by Joe Brusha | Art by Luca Claretti

Dave: 21st century sex toys sure have gotten dangerous features.

Sean: I’m questioning “pfoom” as an onomatopoeia for a guy’s brains blowing out the back of his head. Needs more gushing noise, like, “pfurrsh!”


Auteur #2



Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan

Dave: Speaking for the children, because I’m always thinking of the children, thank the Lord our savior that her nipples were covered by the butcher knife. Amen.

Jordan: Speaking for myself, I have no idea where the heck her bones disappeared to.

Sean: This woman is made of lasagna.

Russ: This is why you don’t fuck with Dr. Evil. Looks like being placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds whenever you’re insolent isn’t “pretty standard, really” punishment after all.


Justice League (2011-) #29



Written by Geoff Johns | Art by Doug Mahnke

Dave: Why must every robot super team have a Whorebot 5000?

Jordan: That doctor is creeping the hell out of me with that smile.

Sean: You know the doc is thinking “Soon, I will have my robot orgy.”

Russ: “Cyborg’s codpiece… so hot right now. Codpiece.”


Curse #4



Written by Michael Moreci, Tim Daniel | Art by Colin Lorimer, Riley Rossmo

Dave: Dreidels have gotten way more bloody lately.

Jordan: Sorry, but I don’t think that little wimpy gun is going to help you much against that beast.

Sean: Look how coy that werewolf looks in the third panel. What a dick!


American Vampire: Second Cycle (2014-) #2



Written by Scott Snyder | Art by Rafael Albuquerque

Dave: Get some soap and water, Neosporin, and holy water for that kind of cut. I saw it on Dr. Oz.

Jordan: I think she’s turning into a zombie; you may want to get the gun folks.


Harley Quinn (2013-) #5



Written by Amanda Conner | Art by Stéphane Roux

Dave: Man, that girl sure can give a good job through blowing.

Jordan: Fascinating. I didn’t think you could make person squirt out strawberry jam when you blew into their IV tubes.

Sean: And I didn’t know Mr. Rogers was now a cyborg with an eyepatch.