Teen Titans #30
Written by Scott Lobdell | Art by Tyler Kirkham
Dave: Hairy breasts are a good sign you’re a juicing superhero. The more you know.
Dog: Nothing creepy about this one. Until you realize “Trigon” is the name of her remote-controlled, vibrating egg.
Jordan: I agree with the red variant version of Beast Boy. She is not good at smiling.
Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #12
Written by Kevin Shinick | Art by Marco Checchetto
Dave: I know there is rape in the wild, but octopuses don’t normally rape goblins, right?
Dog: Does that mean Norman is gonna lay 200,000 eggs soon? Imagine the story J. Michael Straczynski could make out of that! Actually, no; probably better that you don’t.
Jordan: Ah-ha! I knew it! X marks the spot! Time to start digging!
Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty Lives #3 (of 5)
Written by David Liss | Art by Daniel Indro, Olavo Costa
Dave: This guy would own at Wack-a-Mole!
Dog: It’s sad such a learned-looking gentleman doesn’t know the difference between puppets and marionettes.
Jordan: Just how hard is hitting these guys to make their head pop?
Warlord of Mars #35
Art by Joe Jusko, Lucio Parrillo
Dog: “A Return of the Jedi/Planet of the Apes Porn Parody”
Dave: The breasts are really turning me on. I mean, how often can you see such a resplendent display of grey ape bloobs?
Jordan: Hey! The Princess of Mars and Primal Rage crossover we always wanted!
Uncanny Avengers #19
Written by Rick Remender | Art by Daniel Acuna
Dave: All this time and the Fantastic Four only had to get fat and sit on Doom to beat him. What a Shyamalan plot twist!
Dog: Remender’s Blob really does have a fetish of ramming other dudes’ heads up his butt. I hope Doom’s helmet is equipped with some kind of SCBA technology.
Jordan: I never thought I get to say it but… death by ass-squish!
Written by Joshua Williamson | Art by Davide Gianfelice
Dave: I saw these same shots in a Tampax commercial.?
Dog: Sure, Jenny, Botox is safer than vaccines!
Jordan: Well, you said please, but your eyes didn’t look like they mean it so no help for you.
Dave: The Lone Ranger 2 was made most famous for giving Johnny Depp breasts.
Dog: Fucking Hollywood. They couldn’t let a real transgender Indian play that role?
Jordan: Hey! That’s a neat crow hat! Where did you get it?
Mice Templar #4
Written by Bryan J.L. Glass | Art by Victor Santos
Dave: Screw arrow to the knee, let’s all get behind rake to the mouth!
Dog: And this is why mouse civilization never rises up to rival our own. Their best and brightest are mangled by primitive orthodontic work.
Jordan: For Karic! Death to all those wearing more than one earring on an ear!