Teen Titans #30

Written by Scott Lobdell | Art by Tyler Kirkham

Dave: Hairy breasts are a good sign you’re a juicing superhero. The more you know.

Dog: Nothing creepy about this one. Until you realize “Trigon” is the name of her remote-controlled, vibrating egg.

Jordan: I agree with the red variant version of Beast Boy. She is not good at smiling.

Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #12

Written by Kevin Shinick | Art by Marco Checchetto

Dave: I know there is rape in the wild, but octopuses don’t normally rape goblins, right?

Dog: Does that mean Norman is gonna lay 200,000 eggs soon? Imagine the story J. Michael Straczynski could make out of that! Actually, no; probably better that you don’t.

Jordan: Ah-ha! I knew it! X marks the spot! Time to start digging!

Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty Lives #3 (of 5)

Written by David Liss | Art by Daniel Indro, Olavo Costa

Dave: This guy would own at Wack-a-Mole!

Dog: It’s sad such a learned-looking gentleman doesn’t know the difference between puppets and marionettes.

Jordan: Just how hard is hitting these guys to make their head pop?

Warlord of Mars #35

Art by Joe Jusko, Lucio Parrillo

Dog: “A Return of the Jedi/Planet of the Apes Porn Parody”

Dave: The breasts are really turning me on. I mean, how often can you see such a resplendent display of grey ape bloobs?

Jordan: Hey! The Princess of Mars and Primal Rage crossover we always wanted!

Uncanny Avengers #19

Written by Rick Remender | Art by Daniel Acuna

Dave: All this time and the Fantastic Four only had to get fat and sit on Doom to beat him. What a Shyamalan plot twist!

Dog: Remender’s Blob really does have a fetish of ramming other dudes’ heads up his butt. I hope Doom’s helmet is equipped with some kind of SCBA technology.

Jordan: I never thought I get to say it but… death by ass-squish!

Ghosted #9

Written by Joshua Williamson | Art by Davide Gianfelice

Dave: I saw these same shots in a Tampax commercial.?

Dog: Sure, Jenny, Botox is safer than vaccines!

Jordan: Well, you said please, but your eyes didn’t look like they mean it so no help for you.

Dave: The Lone Ranger 2 was made most famous for giving Johnny Depp breasts.

Dog: Fucking Hollywood. They couldn’t let a real transgender Indian play that role?

Jordan: Hey! That’s a neat crow hat! Where did you get it?

Mice Templar #4

Written by Bryan J.L. Glass | Art by Victor Santos

Dave: Screw arrow to the knee, let’s all get behind rake to the mouth!

Dog: And this is why mouse civilization never rises up to rival our own. Their best and brightest are mangled by primitive orthodontic work.

Jordan: For Karic! Death to all those wearing more than one earring on an ear!

  • HitThisJeffery

    Hirsutism is a serious medical condition and there are some of us that find it…. Irresistibly attractive. My god, that mammary hair is so soft!

    It’s official folks, Spider Man has finally bridged the gap to tentacle porn. On a side note, I had no idea that the Green Goblin ejaculated though his index finger, that’s pretty impressive. Doesn’t look like Otto was bothered by goblin’s premature ejac though, he’s still gonna get his nut. A match made in heaven.

    The princess of Mars is so lucky that the space gorilla has micro penis. That’s why he looks so angry, bitch was laughing at his baby dick. Seriously Dejah, not cool.

    I’m not sure how Ghosted #9 got those pictures off my phone. Brittany was fucking pissed after I tried to give her a Cleveland steamer…

    • David Brooke