Teen Titans #30



Written by Scott Lobdell | Art by Tyler Kirkham

Dave: Hairy breasts are a good sign you’re a juicing superhero. The more you know.

Dog: Nothing creepy about this one. Until you realize “Trigon” is the name of her remote-controlled, vibrating egg.

Jordan: I agree with the red variant version of Beast Boy. She is not good at smiling.


Superior Spider-Man Team-Up #12



Written by Kevin Shinick | Art by Marco Checchetto

Dave: I know there is rape in the wild, but octopuses don’t normally rape goblins, right?

Dog: Does that mean Norman is gonna lay 200,000 eggs soon? Imagine the story J. Michael Straczynski could make out of that! Actually, no; probably better that you don’t.

Jordan: Ah-ha! I knew it! X marks the spot! Time to start digging!


Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty Lives #3 (of 5)



Written by David Liss | Art by Daniel Indro, Olavo Costa

Dave: This guy would own at Wack-a-Mole!

Dog: It’s sad such a learned-looking gentleman doesn’t know the difference between puppets and marionettes.

Jordan: Just how hard is hitting these guys to make their head pop?


Warlord of Mars #35



Art by Joe Jusko, Lucio Parrillo

Dog: “A Return of the Jedi/Planet of the Apes Porn Parody”

Dave: The breasts are really turning me on. I mean, how often can you see such a resplendent display of grey ape bloobs?

Jordan: Hey! The Princess of Mars and Primal Rage crossover we always wanted!


Uncanny Avengers #19



Written by Rick Remender | Art by Daniel Acuna

Dave: All this time and the Fantastic Four only had to get fat and sit on Doom to beat him. What a Shyamalan plot twist!

Dog: Remender’s Blob really does have a fetish of ramming other dudes’ heads up his butt. I hope Doom’s helmet is equipped with some kind of SCBA technology.

Jordan: I never thought I get to say it but… death by ass-squish!


Ghosted #9



Written by Joshua Williamson | Art by Davide Gianfelice

Dave: I saw these same shots in a Tampax commercial.?

Dog: Sure, Jenny, Botox is safer than vaccines!

Jordan: Well, you said please, but your eyes didn’t look like they mean it so no help for you.

Dave: The Lone Ranger 2 was made most famous for giving Johnny Depp breasts.

Dog: Fucking Hollywood. They couldn’t let a real transgender Indian play that role?

Jordan: Hey! That’s a neat crow hat! Where did you get it?


Mice Templar #4



Written by Bryan J.L. Glass | Art by Victor Santos

Dave: Screw arrow to the knee, let’s all get behind rake to the mouth!

Dog: And this is why mouse civilization never rises up to rival our own. Their best and brightest are mangled by primitive orthodontic work.

Jordan: For Karic! Death to all those wearing more than one earring on an ear!