The Auteur #3



Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan

Dave: That much puke would choke a man, but he ends up caring more about his chokable friend instead. Silly bastard.

Sean: I mean really, who hasn’t puked on their dick today? Let he without puke on his dick cast the first… uh… puke?

Dog: I always wondered what a casting call for Japanese porn looked like.


The Auteur #3



Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan

Dave: I’ve heard some people could just die for sushi, but this is a bit much.

Jordan: Look man, shark just doesn’t taste as good if you don’t go out and kill it yourself with your machete.

Sean: It’s rare I feel bad for a shark.
Poor sharkie.

Dog: In 2012, a total of 7 people were killed in shark attacks. Every year, humans kill somewhere around 100 million sharks. This guy says, “You’re welcome.”


The Auteur #3


auteur3
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan

Dave: Your barf looks like a green Pizza The Hut.

Sean: Slimer got a sass mouth.

Jordan: I’m sure this makes sense in the context of the story, but right now, all I can do when I see this is think: What the f**k is going on?

Dog: I’ll break it down for you, Jordan. The anthropomorphic rabbit from Donnie Darko entered the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” video where he met a sentient slime mold that thinks it’s a tough fifth-grader from 1987. I mean, it couldn’t be ANY CLEARER.


Bloodshot and H.A.R.D. Corps #22



Written by DUFFY BOUDREAU & CHRISTOS GAGE | Art by AL BARRIONUEVO

Dave: I haven’t seen such a bored looking expression whilst watching a head explode since…well since last week’s PiPT!

Jordan: Well Dave, if you’ve seen one head explode before, you’ve seen them all.

Sean: Single perfect eye exploding off of the head region in a spray of blood. I live for this shit!

Dog: “Wait, Bruce Willis was dead the whole time?!” SPLORCH


The Field #2



Written by Ed Brisson | Art by Simon Roy

Dave: Coincidentally this all happened on Skid Row St.

Jordan: This is a rather brutal PSA about wearing your helmets when you ride a motorcycle.

Sean: Helmet don’t work if you don’t strap the fucker on! STRAP ON!

Dog: Did they choose the “CHUD” sound because that’s what he’ll look like after the asphalt scrapes all the skin off his skull?


Shutter #2



Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Luca

Dave: “Colonoscopy,” they said, “it wouldn’t hurt,” they said…

Jordan: I think the River Spirit from Spirited Away has gotten mean in later years it appears.

Dog: And you thought most Chinese New Year accidents were caused by fireworks.


Starlight #3



Written by Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov

Dave: This is how they make sausage in Scotland.

Jordan: I like how these guys aren’t freaking out or anything. It’s like: eh, slice in half? Big deal!

Sean: They longed to perfect the Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal lean.

Dog: Whenever Billy Batson speaks the magic word “SHIZZZAK!” a lightning bolt appears that … bisects at the trunk anyone unlucky enough to be nearby. It’s a problematic power.


Judge Dredd #19



Written by Duane Swierczynski | Art by Nelson Daniel

Dave: The rhyming body stack monster needs to shut up.

Dog: “What’s your weight? Are you straight? How about a date? Fine, I’ll masturbate.”

Sean: “Too late.”

  • Emily

    Auteur is perfect fodder for Panels In Poor Taste!