On May 30th
Mario Kart 8 was released for the Wii U… the Luigi Death Stare was born.
It’s what Nietzsche was talking about when he said, “And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”
Oh, you didn’t know Luigi was a stone cold killer? You will soon enough. But first… the origin behind Luigi’s lunacy:
This may be the only known footage of what made Luigi so damn vengeful
Oh, now you done it. You’ve only made him angry.
… You poor, miserable bastards.
1. My music so loud. I’m swangin’. They hopin’ that they gon’ catch me Ridin’ Dirty
The video that brought the Luigi Death Stare to the masses.
“Sup man, I see you out here in yo daddy’s car…
Don’t be somber… At least you look good. Nuhahahahaha.”
3. Rosalina gets the Death Stare too
“Men, women and children… None were spared the master’s wrath. Your death will be no different.”
4. The last thing Larry Koopa saw before his untimely demise
5. Love that Joker
Maybe she’s just really happy? Right, guys? Guys…?
Explanation: “She’s crazy, Jim.”
6. Won’t somebody please think of the children?
Remember what we said about “none being spared the Master’s wrath”? Sorry about that Baby Rosalina.
7. You’re drivin’ on the tracks while the train’s coming through
Luigi owns these roads. Show some respect and don’t even think about driving without the mustachioed lord’s permission next time.
8. It’s like gazing into a mirror. A mirror that knows only pain and soul-crippling terror
Careful. Do you want to break the game? Because that’s how you break the game.
9. The only thing Luigi isn’t safe from: himself
Now you’re just tempting fate, player.
10. Princess’ Peach perpetual nightmare
Princess Peach better stop friendzoning Luigi’s brother. Or else.
“Even if she be not harmed, her heart may fail her in so much and so many horrors; and hereafter she may suffer–both in waking, from her nerves, and in sleep, from her dreams.”
― Bram Stoker, Dracula
What are you waiting for? Unleash the brain-warping horror that is the Luigi Death Stare for yourself by grabbing your very own copy of Mario Kart 8 for the Nintendo Wii U from Amazon.