Written by Brian K. Vaughn | Art by Fiona Staples
Dave: There are less violent ways to show how you don’t like the programming…
Dog: “I always knew the kid wasn’t mine, Cheryl! He’s a plasma screen!”
Sean: That’s what I wanna do when Red Dwarf is on.
I just don’t care for that program.
Jordan: Saga is trolling me by killing one of the only two characters I actually cared about in this series. Darn you and your evil twists, Vaughan!
Godstorm: Hercules Payne #3
Written by Chuck Brown | Art by AC Osorio
Dave: “Hey, fork you man!” a terrible comedian said.
Dog: Come on, Dave, “Use the forks!” was right there!
Greg: I know I should be paying attention to the fork in that guy’s eye, but I just have to say that “Shnnk” is one of my favorite comic book sound effects.
Sean: Forkin’ awesome.
Jordan: Ah dude man! Not cool! He already had a fork in his eye.
Dream Police #3
Written by Sid Kotian | Art by Bill Farmer
Dave: Even dream orgies aren’t real. Ugh.
Dog: Which Dream Police desk jockey do I have to petition for a 212-7a-7? All I ever dream about is my teeth falling out. I want off the dental mental spam list!
Sean: Dream where cop comes in to break up your orgy? Been there, am I right, fellas?!
Jordan: Those poor women. Their twisted horrible spines!
Deadly Class #6
Written by Rick Remender | Art by Wesley Craig
Dave: “Let me just fan you,” OMG NO YOU’RE DEAD!
Dog: Gamer pro-tip: Skip the Arthouse Fatality DLC for Mortal Kombat. The animation is … choppy.
Dave: I see what you did there.
Jordan: I always knew a paper cut would be the death of someone, just not in this way honestly.
Written by John Layman | Art by Rob Guillory
Dave: Mini town needs less tongue and more pants. God I never thought I’d say that…
Dog: And that’s how Michael Douglas got throat cancer.
Written by Tim Seeley | Art by Mike Norton
Dave: Pseudo-Mulder needs to stop touching chins and just bang pseudo-Scully already, god…
Dog: That’s Russian for, “Keep your thumb out of my chin dimple, square-head.”
Sean: “Aw, God! HE GOT SPIT BLOOD IN MY MOUTH!”
Jordan: Look, I was speaking hypnotically about that whole “the killer was trying to say something” thing so shut up head!