Spider-Man 2099 (2014-) #1
Written by Peter David | Art by Will Sliney
Dave: You’d think future people would develop death rays that could destroy flesh and bone in one go. Also better manners when revealing the death of your future children…sheesh.
Dog: “Oh crap, I just wanted to X-ray his chest! The morgue guys are never gonna stop teasing me about this one.”
Armor Hunters #2
Written by Robert Venditti | Art by Doug Braithwaite
Dave: That is more of a piñata than a doggy. Flesh shouldn’t explode like that unless we’re talking about a butcher’s birthday. In that case, an exploding flesh piñata is a must.
Dog: Looks like Baron Ünderbheit was exposed to the same Terrigen Mist as Lockjaw. (What do I win for typing the nerdiest sentence in history?)
68: Rule of War #4
Written by Mark Kidwell | Art by Jeff Zornow
Dave: Sexualized zombies are going to be all the rage in 2020. Mostly due to the zombie apocalypse kicking in, but also because—intestines—amirite?!
Dog: They’re right; I didn’t want to know how the sausage is made.
Patrick: Yowza! Check out the chitlins on that hosehound!
Dave: Stretch Armstrong is…different in Russia.
Dog: That was the last time Morneau played the “fake ball throwing” trick on Nero.
Zombie Tramp #1
Written by Dan Mendoza, Jason Martin | Art by TMChu
Greg: Well, there’s a title that gets straight to the point.
Dog: Why are there Mr. Yuck stickers on her nipples? Is that where the virus comes from?
Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Kyle Strahm
Dave: The guy in white had the extra spicy spaghetti and, well, you can see he needs a toilet stat.
Dog: Holy crap, a “Dreamcatcher” sequel! “You’re still not Jonsey!”
Patrick: Did you know Eskimos have 50 different words for “brutal inhumane death”?
Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Leinil Francis Yu
Dave: If you introduce your character with a butt shot I think it’s safe to say that character is an object and not a character.
Dog: I’m disappointed in future Franklin. All the great figures in history, and he quotes Deepak Chopra. Please tell me we don’t elect him President in 2024.