Spider-Man 2099 (2014-) #1



Written by Peter David | Art by Will Sliney

Dave: You’d think future people would develop death rays that could destroy flesh and bone in one go. Also better manners when revealing the death of your future children…sheesh.

Dog: “Oh crap, I just wanted to X-ray his chest! The morgue guys are never gonna stop teasing me about this one.”


Armor Hunters #2



Written by Robert Venditti | Art by Doug Braithwaite

Dave: That is more of a piñata than a doggy. Flesh shouldn’t explode like that unless we’re talking about a butcher’s birthday. In that case, an exploding flesh piñata is a must.

Dog: Looks like Baron Ünderbheit was exposed to the same Terrigen Mist as Lockjaw. (What do I win for typing the nerdiest sentence in history?)


68: Rule of War #4



Written by Mark Kidwell | Art by Jeff Zornow

Dave: Sexualized zombies are going to be all the rage in 2020. Mostly due to the zombie apocalypse kicking in, but also because—intestines—amirite?!

Dog: They’re right; I didn’t want to know how the sausage is made.

Patrick: Yowza! Check out the chitlins on that hosehound!

Dave: Stretch Armstrong is…different in Russia.

Dog: That was the last time Morneau played the “fake ball throwing” trick on Nero.


Zombie Tramp #1



Written by Dan Mendoza, Jason Martin | Art by TMChu

Dave:

Greg: Well, there’s a title that gets straight to the point.

Dog: Why are there Mr. Yuck stickers on her nipples? Is that where the virus comes from?


Spread #1



Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Kyle Strahm

Dave: The guy in white had the extra spicy spaghetti and, well, you can see he needs a toilet stat.

Dog: Holy crap, a “Dreamcatcher” sequel! “You’re still not Jonsey!”

Patrick: Did you know Eskimos have 50 different words for “brutal inhumane death”?


Avengers #32



Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Leinil Francis Yu

Dave: If you introduce your character with a butt shot I think it’s safe to say that character is an object and not a character.

Dog: I’m disappointed in future Franklin. All the great figures in history, and he quotes Deepak Chopra. Please tell me we don’t elect him President in 2024.