Written by Tim Seeley | Art by Mike Norton
Dave: Won’t somebody get him a tissue for that eyeball? “Now blow, blllowwwww.”
Dog: That ejecting eyeball is not intact at all. Back to the drawing board for Mr. Norton.
Jordan: Thanks a lot man! First you total my car and then you have burst into flames to wreck it even more! Jerk.
Dog: The back room of the Bodies exhibit is for adults only.
Dave: “Welcome to the Emeril Lagasse Snuff Show. In today’s episode, penis foreskin flambé!”
Jordan: This being the Internet, you know there are probably tons of people already getting ideas for their next fan fiction.
Dave: Clearly Jiro has been dreaming much too hard on sushi.
Dog: This is like gateway cannibalism. I’d eat anything with fondue.
Jordan: Eh, it doesn’t look cooked enough. Thanks but no thanks man.
Savage Dragon #196
Written and Art by Erik Larsen
Dave: Where’s the need to flush when it’s all dripping through the cracks anyway?
Dog: If you’ve had the chicken pox, please ask your doctor about the shingles vaccine.
Jordan: Hmm… I think he may need to see a doctor about this.
Dave: Indestructible Jaw Man is soooo getting a refund.
Dog: Despite the character’s shattered skull, the artist refuses to draw the eyes ejected. Erik Larsen is the Rob Liefeld of IEEs!
Jordan: Whip it, whip it good.
Superannuated Man #2
Written and Art by Ted McKeever
Dave: Deleted scene from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. INT – Hot Dog Factory.
Dog: Yeah, I don’t remember the dwarf, Popeye forearm ape. Did James Franco experiment on him with GMO spinach?
Jordan: Look, I know how hard it was for you to get that, but I’m telling you, that’s not what I ordered!
Written by Gerry Duggan and Brian Posehn | Art by John Lucas
Dave: James Cameron needs to quit his Avatar quadrilogy and start working on Terminator HR: Employee Handbook Revenge right now.
Written by Alessandro Cenni | Art by Alessandro Cenni and others
Jordan: Two ass shots for the price of one. Thanks, comic!
Dave: …comic is…
Jordan: We get it comic. She has a big butt.
Dave: …sexually suggestive.
Jordan: What?! What makes you think that?!.
Written by Brian K. Vaughn | Art by Fiona Staples
Dave: Some people believe in a lucky rabbit foot, but Karl, Karl believed in lucky spine heads.