Danger Girl: May Day #3

Written by Andy Hartnel | Art by John Royale

Dave: Even in flashback mode those chicks must be freezing. And yet…no nipples. Criminal.

Dog: Guest-starring Halle Berry and Michael Dorn as dead Jedis! The crossover event no one asked for!

Sean: Yeah Rihanna, explain it to Common.

Dog: That’s a much timelier reference. I didn’t understand any of it.

Grimm Tales of Terror #1

Written by Ralph Tedesco | Art by Antonio Bifulco

Dave: Sometimes when you think really really hard, this happens.

Dog: The gunshot somehow caused the lava chamber in his skull to erupt.

Chew: Warrior Chicken Poyo #1

Written and John Layman | Art by Rob Guillory

Dave: Once you Splutch you never go back. 5 out of 10 roosters agree.

Dog: Okay, I probably shouldn’t have bet on the mime over the champion cockfighting rooster, but the odds were a 1000-1!

Sean: That cock splutched with a vengeance.

Dave: Chickens playing too much Mortal Kombat. Sigh, clearly the Christian right were correct in blaming video games for ruining our chickens.

Dog: The fist pump by kryptonite-staff Merlin really makes this page.

Sean: How’d he know my mom fucks chickens?

Warlord of Oz #3

Written by Jeff Massey | Art by Miguel Mendonca

Dave: Instead of a mace maybe just hit him with a rolled up newspaper?

Dog: That’s some nice art for a BDSM instructional guide.

Sean: You guys, this was legit my wet dream last week.

Dog: Sopping wet, it would seem.

East of West #14

Written Jonathan Hickman

Dave: “Dude, you really need to get that growth looked at. I mean, it’s standing and carrying you around and everything!”

Sean: That cancer’s super metal.

Dog: Is he tongue-goosing his own mom?

Fatale #24

Art by Sean Phillips

Dave: Larry was forever known as Lasagna-face Larry. Susy went by Flat-chest Suz but that never did stick.

Dog: I don’t know why everyone wanted an R-rated Blues Brothers movie.

Sean: “I meant put her in the back of the truck! Ewwwww!”

Prophet #45

Written by Simon Roy | Art by Giannis Milonogiannis

Dog: At least it didn’t come out the other end.

Dave: Pepto Bismol baby is a common side effect of too much Pepto Bismol. FACT!

Sean: He totes neo-chunked.

Dog: “I’m fisting a Chinese giant salamander; couldn’t be better!”

Dave: ‘Blort’ is not a real noise. I’ve puked 15 times in the last three days to check. Yeah, that’s right, I ate a bag of potato chips before each “check.” What’s it to you?

Patrick: This is not an appropriate forum to admit to your crippling case of manorexia, Dave.

Day Men #4

Written by Matt Gagnon, Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Brian Stelfreeze

Dave: Bloodboarding was Dick Cheney’s first choice of torture but he didn’t want anyone to figure out his vampire backstory.

Dog: That’s vilely unsanitary. Smoking in the torture room?

Sean: “Oh, it’s getting kind of messy in here. Go waterboard him a bit, maybe bleach board him after.”

The Mice Templar IV: Legend #12

Written by Bryan JL Glass | Art by Victor Santos | Colors by Serena Guerra

Dave: ♪ Cat scratch fever!♫

Dog: It’s a catnip-fueled berserker rage!

Evil Empire #3

Written by Max Bemis | Art by Ransom Getty

Dave: And they said the nickname “4 inch thick bullet tosser” was over the top!

Dog: Why are we seeing the muzzle flash through his head hole? Was the bullet faster than light?