Danger Girl: May Day #3
Written by Andy Hartnel | Art by John Royale
Dave: Even in flashback mode those chicks must be freezing. And yet…no nipples. Criminal.
Dog: Guest-starring Halle Berry and Michael Dorn as dead Jedis! The crossover event no one asked for!
Sean: Yeah Rihanna, explain it to Common.
Dog: That’s a much timelier reference. I didn’t understand any of it.
Grimm Tales of Terror #1
Written by Ralph Tedesco | Art by Antonio Bifulco
Dave: Sometimes when you think really really hard, this happens.
Dog: The gunshot somehow caused the lava chamber in his skull to erupt.
Chew: Warrior Chicken Poyo #1
Written and John Layman | Art by Rob Guillory
Dave: Once you Splutch you never go back. 5 out of 10 roosters agree.
Dog: Okay, I probably shouldn’t have bet on the mime over the champion cockfighting rooster, but the odds were a 1000-1!
Sean: That cock splutched with a vengeance.
Dave: Chickens playing too much Mortal Kombat. Sigh, clearly the Christian right were correct in blaming video games for ruining our chickens.
Dog: The fist pump by kryptonite-staff Merlin really makes this page.
Sean: How’d he know my mom fucks chickens?
Warlord of Oz #3
Written by Jeff Massey | Art by Miguel Mendonca
Dave: Instead of a mace maybe just hit him with a rolled up newspaper?
Dog: That’s some nice art for a BDSM instructional guide.
Sean: You guys, this was legit my wet dream last week.
Dog: Sopping wet, it would seem.
East of West #14
Written Jonathan Hickman
Dave: “Dude, you really need to get that growth looked at. I mean, it’s standing and carrying you around and everything!”
Sean: That cancer’s super metal.
Dog: Is he tongue-goosing his own mom?
Art by Sean Phillips
Dave: Larry was forever known as Lasagna-face Larry. Susy went by Flat-chest Suz but that never did stick.
Dog: I don’t know why everyone wanted an R-rated Blues Brothers movie.
Sean: “I meant put her in the back of the truck! Ewwwww!”
Written by Simon Roy | Art by Giannis Milonogiannis
Dog: At least it didn’t come out the other end.
Dave: Pepto Bismol baby is a common side effect of too much Pepto Bismol. FACT!
Sean: He totes neo-chunked.
Dog: “I’m fisting a Chinese giant salamander; couldn’t be better!”
Dave: ‘Blort’ is not a real noise. I’ve puked 15 times in the last three days to check. Yeah, that’s right, I ate a bag of potato chips before each “check.” What’s it to you?
Patrick: This is not an appropriate forum to admit to your crippling case of manorexia, Dave.
Day Men #4
Written by Matt Gagnon, Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Brian Stelfreeze
Dave: Bloodboarding was Dick Cheney’s first choice of torture but he didn’t want anyone to figure out his vampire backstory.
Dog: That’s vilely unsanitary. Smoking in the torture room?
Sean: “Oh, it’s getting kind of messy in here. Go waterboard him a bit, maybe bleach board him after.”
The Mice Templar IV: Legend #12
Written by Bryan JL Glass | Art by Victor Santos | Colors by Serena Guerra
Dave: ♪ Cat scratch fever!♫
Dog: It’s a catnip-fueled berserker rage!
Evil Empire #3
Written by Max Bemis | Art by Ransom Getty
Dave: And they said the nickname “4 inch thick bullet tosser” was over the top!
Dog: Why are we seeing the muzzle flash through his head hole? Was the bullet faster than light?