Worlds’ Finest #26



Written by Paul Levitz | Art by Tyler Kirkham

Dog: “It can’t be; crime fighters strangely wear pants in this world!”

Dave: Holy rocket boob Power Girl! She may not go home but her breasts are already on their way.

Jordan: Yeah, any closer and her boobs will just be pulled right out…


Starlight #5



Written by Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov

Dave: The heads turn into light but there’s somehow blood—purple blood at that—all over the place. Oh wait, the kid spilled his grape juice, that’s what we’re seeing!

Dog: Oh, so he didn’t turn their heads into yellow sea urchins?

Sean: “Let him do what every other orphan has to do. Become a billionaire, and fight crime in form-fitting outfit!”


Constantine #17



Written by Ray Fawkes | Art by Edgar Salazar

Dave: Somebody get this guy a gym pass. Those biceps and triceps are looking stringy.

Jordan: Man, I didn’t know sunburns got this bad.

Dog: Somewhere off the coast there’s a Hannibal Lecter shark swimming around in a human skin suit.


Skullkickers #30



Written by Jim Zub and various | Art by Jeff “Chamba” Cruz and various

Dave: If there’s one thing that’s been coming for a long time it’s the beating of the old and decrepit.

Dog: They’ve fallen to the villainous might of the Obama Death Panel! Who says there aren’t conservative comic books?


Godzilla: Cataclysm #1



Written and Cullen Bunn | Art by Dave Wachter

Dog: The standard van mural for Japanese dirtbags.

Dave: How the Godzilla love film ever got out is beyond me, but at least we’ve finally got proof Godzilla is a bottom.

Jordan: Whoa man! Get out of my personal space!

Sean: Go go Godzilla, indeed.


Sex Criminals #7



Written Matt Fraction | Drawn by Chip Zdarsky

Dave: Darth Maul would be proud of this double dildo staff.

Jordan: And now a scene from the porn parody of Highlander.

Dog: If this is what happens at those laser Floyd shows, I’m glad I decided to make popcorn and smoke up at home.


Hex #1



Written by Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora

Dave: Somebody was low on paint, but high on body count.

Jordan: Also, make sure the cleaners use bleach. LOTS of bleach.

Dog: “And then kill the cleaners to keep them quiet. Then hire more cleaners and kill them. Ya know what, just throw a tarp over it.”


Coffin Hill #10



Written by Caitlin Kittredge | Art by Inaki Miranda

Jordan: Oh my god! She’s not even human! She’s full of ink.

Dog: She’s more tattoo than woman!