Saga #22



Written Brian K. Vaughan | Art by Fiona Staples

Dave: This is not helping atheists any.

Dog: Take a look, all you knobs who want “intelligent design” taught in schools. You let one creation myth in, you gotta take ‘em all.

Jordan: Hey look! A reject from Xanadu!

Sean: You don’t wanna know how she makes black holes.


Army of Darkness: Ash Gets Hitched #2



Written Steve Niles | Art by Nacho Tenorio

Dave: Ugh, the pain must be head splitting. ::rimshot::

Jordan: Hmm… I’m not sure if I like that. It’s kind of giving me a headache sir.

Sean: Ash’s landscaping: cutting deadites down to size since 1981.

Dog: I shudder to think where he’ll stick the stump puller.


Godzilla: Rulers of Earth #15



Written by Chris Mowry | Art by Matt Frank

Dave: All Godzilla ever wanted was to deepthroat a rocket and it didn’t matter if it was a pocket variety either.

Dog: If you’re “FWHAM”ing fire, you could probably use some antibiotics. I guess this isn’t Mechagodzilla’s first time around Monster Island.

John: Godzilla! That’s not how you play fetch!

Jordan: Bah! Godzilla eats metal for breakfast.

Sean: Ahhh, skreent, skreeent, Godzilla!


Manhattan Projects #23



Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Pitarra

Dog: If you thought Expendables 3 was bad, be glad they didn’t go with the original script.

Dave: John McCain really should think about doing that plastic surgery.

Jordan: I’m sorry sir, but your condition is just not covered by our insurance or your Medicare!

Sean: It’s like if Stretch Armstrong had a baby with Eugene Levy.


The Mice Templar IV: Legend #13



Written by Bryan JL Glass | Art by Victor Santos

Dave: This wouldn’t have happened if he was wearing his thinking cap!

John: He must have had a really bad sinus infection or there must have been a lot of gold buried up there!

Dog: This is what you get when you let failed artists design ads for ibuprofen.


Flash Gordon #5



Written by Jeff Parker | Art by Sandy Jarrell, Richard Case, Evan Shaner, Jordie Bellaire

Dave: Behold, the largest living turd in the universe!

John: I think Bono has some competition now!

Patrick: Yeah, how many Courics do you think that is?

Jordan: I think the universe had diarrhea at one point.

Dog: Proof of Heaven remains elusive, but at least we’ve located God’s septic tank.


Low #2



Written by Rick Remender | Art by Greg Tocchini

Dave: Ain’t nobody get in the way of mom time.

Jordan: Don’t stand so close to me.

Dog: I tried to avoid the, “But I just gave you something to eat” joke, but I failed.


Drumhellar #8



Written and Drawn by Riley Rossmo

Dave: The stuff nightmares are made of!

John: Who needs a garden for your shrooms, when you can have a pet snake!

Dog: In the X-rated version of the Labors of Hercules, the hydra grows two penises for every one that’s cut off. On its back.

Jordan: You know, I can’t help but wonder if this is how the creative team of this comic sees the world.

Sean: This is how I see things. What’s so weird about it? Next you’ll tell me you guys don’t have neon archer gummy bears around you at all times.


Outcast #3



Written by Robert Kirkman | Art by Paul Azaceta

Jordan: I’m just glad he knows he did something wrong. The first step in understanding you’re a psychopath!

Dog: At least Godzilla swallowed.