East of West #15



Written Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Dragotta

Dave: This is how they should award handicaps in professional golf.

John: He might be a little dick, but he has a ball of steel!

Sean: He no longer has a leg up.

Dog: Not even a yellow card on that play? Although I don’t know if he’d be able to take the free kick at this point.

Jordan: Hmm… that’s interesting. He has no bones in him.


Hex #2



Written Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora

Dave: Is ‘mommy soup’ an undead term for female lubrication?

Sean: Those some tall-ass skeleton kids.

Dog: I’m skeptical that the banging together of naked phalanx bones can produce a traditional “clap” noise. I bet it would sound more like crushing a bag of Skittles.

Russ: Note to self: Stop dry-humping skeletons within earshot of Dog.

Jordan: Hey don’t bother them right now. They’re having a good time.


‘68: Homefront #1



Written Mark Kidwell | Art by Jay Fotos

Dave: Oh man that dude was gnarfed to death!

Sean:Pinky from Pinky and the Brain does hit on a lizard brain, feral level.

Dog: John Wayne Gacy with a sinus infection does Thundercats impressions? Limited premise; guess that’s why it’s just a mini-series.

Jordan: Now there’s an underreaction.

Dave: FACT: This is how tennis was invented.

John: How do you take your eggs? Fresh?

Dog: I’d make the obvious “This is your brain on drugs” joke, but I don’t want to reveal that I’m actually 90 years old.

Sean:Oh, she spangged the crap out of him.

Jordan: Only the most badass knows how to wield a frying pan.


Rot & Ruin #1



Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Tony Vargas

Dave: Oh man, dad is bleeding from the eyes again. Let’s just sit across from him and cry then act surprised when it gets worse. Not doing something is a choice!

Dog: Don’t you hate it when you remember something important JUST as you’re about to fall asleep?

Sean:He was brought back from death, only to feel the horrible warmth of freshly shat pants.

Jordan: What are you people doing?! Get that poor man to a hospital already!


Spread #3



Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Kyle Strahm

Dave: Boob punching bags are NOT recommended. Side effects include being torn into pieces by tentacle woman or autoerotic asphyxiation.

Dog: It’s like if Freud drew anime.

Jordan: Tentacle monsters will strike when you least expect it.


Imperial #2



Written by Steven T. Seagle | Art by Mark Dos Santos

Dave: Awkwaaaaaarrrdddddd.

Dog: “And in planting this pole, I claim this rectum for England!”

Sean: They’re gonna tell their kids this story when they get old enough to hear about their ball torture-based love.

Russ: I too have seen Black Sheep, Steven T. Seagle. For God’s Sakes, I’m trying!”


Inferno: Rings of Hell #2



Written by Mike Wolfer | Art by Fernando Argosino

Dave: Is that one of those Ghostbusters monsters from the final roof scene? Made of chocolate no doubt.

Dog: I thought she was manually lobotomizing Minotaur Worf.


Prophet Strikefile #1



Written and art by Brandon Graham

Dave: Ah yes, the origin of the “Yo momma is so fat” joke explained.

Dog: “Yo momma has so many breasts, she’s probably a broodmare for a plague of inhuman monsters.”

Russ: This might be the beer goggles talking, but those boobs sure look heavy… can I hold ‘em for ya?

Jordan: It’s hard to tell where this thing starts and where it ends.


The Superannuated Man #3



Written and Art by Ted McKeever

Dog: “Then why do they put the flavor crystal in the bottom? Huh???”

Dave: I understand the “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” but this makes no sense…unless of course they’re into golden showers.

Sean: Oh, you silly anthropomorphized piss guzzling doggie you.

Russ: Where was that dude when my toilet clogged last week on asparagus night, huh?

Jordan: I think I spot a grammar error!

Dave: David Lynch’s latest flick about childbirth. I think he’s topped Eraserhead!

Dog: Why am I imagining Bruce Willis’ voice coming out of those things?

Sean:”Now I know what a TV dinner sperm feels like.”

Jordan: Ever feel like you are at a loss for words at what you are seeing?