Clone #20



Written David Schulner | Art by Juan Jose Ryp

Dave: How do those limbless women stay so fit?

John: Pray to the Airplane and you will be given the gift of quadruple amputeeism!

Dog: “In today’s episode of ‘VH1 Music Video Mash-Up,’ we cross Cher’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ with Metallica’s ‘One’! With hilarious results!”


Godzilla: Cataclysm #2



Written Cullen Bunn | Art by Dave Wachter

Dave: The Japanese have even started doing tentacle Godzilla porn. Have they no shame?!

Dog: I didn’t know that kaiju spoke in 19th century, European police sirens.


Artifacts #39



Written Raven Heisenberg | Art by Gustavo Brocanello

Dave: The origin of the Twix bar.

John: Which side do you choose? Left or Right?


X-Files: Season 10 #16



Written Joe Harris | Art by Colin Lorimer

Dog: “This fetus is using a fake ID!”

Dave: The first day Mortimer saw a girl pee-pee forever stuck with him, even if he was a highly acclaimed doctor at the time.


Clive Barker’s Hellraiser: Bestiary #2



Written by Christopher Taylor, Ben Meares, and Mark Miller | Art by Jason Shawn Alexander, Amancay Nahuelpan, and Carlos Magno

Dave: “Show us a smile. Big smile now!”

John: Who knew there were multiple people living inside my head!

Dog: What’s the fascination with bifurcation this week? Did comics collectively decide it’s time to really test its artists’ grasps on symmetry?

Dave: This is the hardest part of opening a cantaloupe.

Dog: “AAAGH, THIS IS EXCRUCIATING, THIS IS — hey, is that a Craftsman Serrated Skin-Flayer? That’s a fine quality torture implement.”


The Field #4



Written Ed Brisson | Art by Simon Roy

Dave: Why even go into the bathroom when it’s slathered in shit, blood and vomit? About the same quality as a biohazard dumpster in a Jersey hospital!

Dog: Should have chewed his alphabet pea soup.


Translucid #6



Written by Chondra Echert, Claudio Sanchez | Art by Daniel Bayliss

Dave: This is how you make mashed steak tartare.

John: So that’s how the horse died in The Godfather

p>Dog: I always thought I’d want to go to one of those Eyes Wide Shut orgies, but now ….


Shutter #6



Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Duca

Dave: You didn’t even give him a chance to hold it!

John: By clean he means eat. So start chowing down. Free food.

Dog: I remember the speculator murders of the ‘90s. Good luck selling your big score of 500 X-Men #1’s, fuckers!

Jordan: You are going to be there a while to clean up that scene considering how furry you two are.