Axis: Hobgoblin #1
Written Kevin Shinick | Art by Javier Rodriguez
Dave: ‘Hobnobber’ is a dirty term, right?
Dog: I’m more interested in why his elbow just went nova.
Jordan: Hmm, I’m not sure if this business will work. His customer relations are rather low.
Dave: The foreword by Gene Simmons confirms it!
Dog: Bogus chemistry and weight loss claims? I knew Dr. Oz was evil, but I never suspected he was behind the Hobgoblin hood!
Written James Tynion IV | Art by Eryk Donovan
Dave: Video game PSA done right. Games will make your eyes bleed and force you to kill your friends.
John: That’s blood? I thought it was his war paint when he goes buck crazy!
Dog: What’s his shirt say? “Bro Eats My Thumbs”?
Jordan: For the last damn time, stop showing me that YouTube video on your phone!
Arkham Manor #1
Written Gerry Duggan | Art by Shawn Crystal
Dave: Much like his chin, which whispers to me!
Dog: If that Batman whispered to me, we’d start either a forest fire or the hottest, hirsute gay softcore in history.
Written Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov
Dog: Let’s see Christ the Redeemer do THAT!
Inferno: Rings of Hell #3
Written by Mike Wolfer | Art by Fernando Argosino
Dave: Bobblehead death is real! Never forget Buddha Bobble…never forget…
John: Who needs walk away explosions, when you can have walk away decapitations!
Jordan: But he’s dead now. How can he show respect if he’s dead?
Dave: A front wedgie is proof you don’t have a penis. Or just really uncomfortable.
Dog: She’ll never hit it out of the infield choking up that high.
Jordan: You know who will also pay? That woman who sold that lady that pink outfit. She said it would be tear resistant!
Dave: I’d much rather look at butts all day then genitals, but I guess Hell has a strict eye-to-genital quota they have to reach.
Dog: Rule 34 once again confirmed, this time with faith healing, misaligned, Battle Beast S&M.
Amazing Spider-Man (2014-) #8
Written Dan Slott | Art by Giuseppe Camuncoli
Dave: No, no it’s just gross.
Dog: You hatch with a “crack.” “SPROK” sounds more like springing a leak.
Jordan: It’s like if you combined crap, boogers, and pimples all into one disgusting thing.
Written and drawn by Tony Salvador Daniel
Dave: You’re supposed to use the knife end Deathstroke…someone failed culinary school. Just look at that cantaloupe!
Dog: Jesus Christ, just put the wing dings in there. No one wants to read network-TV-bad-word-substitution Deathstroke. Stuff that!
Jordan: What?! You call that a badass one liner? You go back to the drawing room and then we’ll try this again.
The Wicked + The Divine #5
Written Kieron Gillen | Art by Jamie McKelvie
Dave: It’s not every day your head turns into a giant atom and explodes.
John: She drives them so crazy their heads explode!
Dog: Hope she had life insurance. Be a shame if her loved ones got stuck with that dry cleaning bill.
Jordan: Death by glowing spaghetti!
13 Coins #1
Written Martin Brennan and Michael B Jackson | Art by Simon Bisley
John: Behold! The Spear of Levitation. Upon cutting its victims in half it levitates their body to humiliate them and instill fear!
Dog: That’s a beautiful … diorama? There doesn’t seem to be any motion ANYwhere.
Dave: I hate when people cut in line!
Harley Quinn (2013-) #11
Written by Amanda Conner | Art by Chad Harden
Dave: She has super speed but can’t figure out her clothing tore off? Wait a minute, this is a classic guy move to get naked on the first date…tisk tisk Power Girl.
Dog: The Comics Code Authority breathes easily thanks to Harley Quinn’s neapolitan afro puffs.
Dave: Anyone else notice the hairy beaver in these shots? Talk about teasing!
Jordan: And now you know why Power Girl only wears one costume. Anything else tends to… “fall apart by accident”.
Dave: If they put armor there it’d have to be see through.
Dog: Well, Coney Island Brewing Joker likes what he sees.
Jordan: No armor needs to go there. That’s your like symbol and trademark! Big vast cleavage! Anyone sees that instantly knows who you are.