Axis: Hobgoblin #1



Written Kevin Shinick | Art by Javier Rodriguez

Dave: ‘Hobnobber’ is a dirty term, right?

Dog: I’m more interested in why his elbow just went nova.

Jordan: Hmm, I’m not sure if this business will work. His customer relations are rather low.

Dave: The foreword by Gene Simmons confirms it!

Dog: Bogus chemistry and weight loss claims? I knew Dr. Oz was evil, but I never suspected he was behind the Hobgoblin hood!


Memetic #1



Written James Tynion IV | Art by Eryk Donovan

Dave: Video game PSA done right. Games will make your eyes bleed and force you to kill your friends.

John: That’s blood? I thought it was his war paint when he goes buck crazy!

Dog: What’s his shirt say? “Bro Eats My Thumbs”?

Jordan: For the last damn time, stop showing me that YouTube video on your phone!


Arkham Manor #1



Written Gerry Duggan | Art by Shawn Crystal

Dave: Much like his chin, which whispers to me!

Dog: If that Batman whispered to me, we’d start either a forest fire or the hottest, hirsute gay softcore in history.


Starlight #6



Written Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov

Dave:

Dog: Let’s see Christ the Redeemer do THAT!


Inferno: Rings of Hell #3



Written by Mike Wolfer | Art by Fernando Argosino

Dave: Bobblehead death is real! Never forget Buddha Bobble…never forget…

John: Who needs walk away explosions, when you can have walk away decapitations!

Jordan: But he’s dead now. How can he show respect if he’s dead?

Dave: A front wedgie is proof you don’t have a penis. Or just really uncomfortable.

Dog: She’ll never hit it out of the infield choking up that high.

Jordan: You know who will also pay? That woman who sold that lady that pink outfit. She said it would be tear resistant!

Dave: I’d much rather look at butts all day then genitals, but I guess Hell has a strict eye-to-genital quota they have to reach.

Dog: Rule 34 once again confirmed, this time with faith healing, misaligned, Battle Beast S&M.


Amazing Spider-Man (2014-) #8



Written Dan Slott | Art by Giuseppe Camuncoli

Dave: No, no it’s just gross.

Dog: You hatch with a “crack.” “SPROK” sounds more like springing a leak.

Jordan: It’s like if you combined crap, boogers, and pimples all into one disgusting thing.


Deathstroke #1



Written and drawn by Tony Salvador Daniel

Dave: You’re supposed to use the knife end Deathstroke…someone failed culinary school. Just look at that cantaloupe!

Dog: Jesus Christ, just put the wing dings in there. No one wants to read network-TV-bad-word-substitution Deathstroke. Stuff that!

Jordan: What?! You call that a badass one liner? You go back to the drawing room and then we’ll try this again.


The Wicked + The Divine #5



Written Kieron Gillen | Art by Jamie McKelvie

Dave: It’s not every day your head turns into a giant atom and explodes.

John: She drives them so crazy their heads explode!

Dog: Hope she had life insurance. Be a shame if her loved ones got stuck with that dry cleaning bill.

Jordan: Death by glowing spaghetti!


13 Coins #1



Written Martin Brennan and Michael B Jackson | Art by Simon Bisley

John: Behold! The Spear of Levitation. Upon cutting its victims in half it levitates their body to humiliate them and instill fear!

Dog: That’s a beautiful … diorama? There doesn’t seem to be any motion ANYwhere.

Dave: I hate when people cut in line!


Harley Quinn (2013-) #11



Written by Amanda Conner | Art by Chad Harden

Dave: She has super speed but can’t figure out her clothing tore off? Wait a minute, this is a classic guy move to get naked on the first date…tisk tisk Power Girl.

Dog: The Comics Code Authority breathes easily thanks to Harley Quinn’s neapolitan afro puffs.

Dave: Anyone else notice the hairy beaver in these shots? Talk about teasing!

Jordan: And now you know why Power Girl only wears one costume. Anything else tends to… “fall apart by accident”.


Dave: If they put armor there it’d have to be see through.

Dog: Well, Coney Island Brewing Joker likes what he sees.

Jordan: No armor needs to go there. That’s your like symbol and trademark! Big vast cleavage! Anyone sees that instantly knows who you are.

  • Johannes Fruitenberg

    New life mission: Use the phrase “neopolitan afro puffs” religiously.

  • David Brooke

    Vast cleavage…that should be used way more often in conversations round the globe!

    • Russ Dobler

      Makes one hearken back to America’s pioneer days, when the vast cleavage was still wild and untamed.