Axis: Carnage #1


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Written Rick Spears | Art by German Peralta

Dave: ♫ Pop goes the eyeball! ♫

Dog: Look out behind you, Carnage! You’re about to get West Side Storied!

Russ: Sure, he might have a glass jaw and slack eyeballs… but hot damn can that man’s left cheekbone take a punch.


Saga #24


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Written Brian K. Vaughn | Art by Fiona Staples

Dave: Spider-love is so misunderstood.

Dog: The only scene I remember from the Spider-Man musical.

Jordan: I can imagine Brian K. Vaughan accidentally wandering onto a furry site and then thinking: “Oh my god! I have great idea for a scene in my comic!”

Russ: Sam Raimi’s proposed Spider-Man origin for the reboot was a little too Sam Raimi for the movie execs’ taste.

And couldn’t Spider-Woman have the common courtesy to give the guy a spinneret to asscheek strum? Selfish.

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Dog: That’s not a cervix.

Dave: This guy has been hanging out at the Raiders of the Lost Ark costume department too long.

Jordan: The guy was just too hot for her.


Deathlok #1


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Written Nathan Edmondson | Art by Mike Perkins

Dave: You know it’s bad when Disney is sticking Under Armour ads into their comic books.

Dog: Activewear for the unstoppable murdermachine on the go!

Jordan: Mustang?! Dammit, why isn’t my car responding?


Bunker #7


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Written Joshua Hale Fialkov | Art by Joe Infurnari

Dave: You need to pull the knife out and stick it back in, none of this gross turny turny, yuck!

Dog: More unnecessary periods than a lesbian nun with a club foot.