Written by Robert Kirkman | Art by Ryan Ottely
Dave: Pretty sure that should read “SQUIRT!”
Sean: Guy’s filled with a lot of fruit punch, huh?
John: OH YEAH!
Clive Barker’s Hellraiser: Bestiary #4 (of 6)
Written by Lela Gwenn, Ben Meares, Christian Francis, and Mark Miller | Art by Daniele Serra, Huseyin Ozkan, and Carlos Magno
Dave: Fun Fact: Hellraiser is a huge bowling fan.
Dog: I thought he was getting revenge on the guy who stole all the flair from his Chotchkie’s sash.
Sean: Think I just smelled a SKULCH.
Dawn / Vampirella #2
Written by and Drawn by Joseph Michael Linsner
Dave: I just find it hilarious that instead of a respectable over the shoulder shot Linsner thinks it’s fitting to have an over the butt shot for Vampirella.
John: Not sure how his heart didn’t stop already after that ass shot!
Dog: As long as he drives faster than 50 mph, he’ll be fine.
Sean: I don’t know about y’all, but I doubt I could fight a broad with that much flesh exposed. My pants bomb might explode.
Written by Ales Kot | Art by Adam Gorham
Dog: “They put AIDS in my Coke!”
Dave: Peanut butter drank is the wave of the future!
Sean: Nah dog, you good. I mean, you coughin’ bile, but… nah, you good, man.
Jordan: I’m sorry, but I don’t think we have that brand of soda.
The Multiversity: Pax Americana #1
Written by Grant Morrison | Art by Frank Quitely
Dave: Jaw dropping art work here folks. Simply JAW DROPPING!
Sean: Say “ahhhhh.”
Dog: Unlike the magic bullet that killed Kennedy, this one apparently turns the mandible of an assassination victim into spoiled caviar and spider eggs.
Jordan: The best way to fix any bad situation to rewind the scene. See? He’s smiling again!
Army of Darkness: Ash Gets Hitched #4
Written by Steve Niles | Art by Nacho Tenorio
Dave: Someone really needs to do an eyeball popping montage of all the eye popping panels we’ve done so far.
Sean: It’s been a damn lot of eye popping action.
Dog: An Ejection Retrospect! It has to happen!
Written by Jacob Semahn | Art by Jorge Corona
Dave: “Why’d she pass out? She said she wanted a birthday surprise!”
Dog: Got drowsy on the carbon monoxide from all those candles.
Jordan: My god, they bled red paint!
Written Alejandro Jodorowsky | Art by Dongzi Lui
Dave: Bob thought a cleft forehead would be a cool new look but realized it was a horrible decision when the sword hit his septum.
Dog: Who asked for the Lord of the Rings/My Little Pony crossover?
Dave: Mr. Potato Head was a lot different in the Dark Ages.
Dog: Just like a royal to cut off her breasts to spite her gash.
Thief of Thieves #25
Written by Andy Diggle | Art by Adriano Lucas
Dave: How’d that get there? Dammit, I always misplace my knives!
Dog: It really does look like it just appeared. It’s like he was murdered by Criss Angel.
Coffin Hill #13
Written Caitlin Kittredge | Art by Inaki Miranda
Dog: The bioluminescent lure of a deep sea anglerfish?
Dave: She would have seen a tear for nut one and nut two.
Jordan: You either shot him or he’s shitting a lot of blood in fear.