Harley Quinn (2013-) #1: Holiday Special

Written by Amanda Conner & Jimmy Palmiotti | Art by Darwyn Cooke

Dog: Well, the grandfather clock is the biggest one in the house.

Dave: Nothing is wrong children…nothing to see here…I think he finished; just look at that last panel!

Sean: Oh, seriously grandpa, you served in Korea, don’t act so shocked.

Deep State #2

Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Ariela Kristantina

Dave: Now that is one awesome Halloween pincushion!

Dog: People laugh at me when I tell them how dangerous acupuncture is.

Sean: The new Pinhead design is just lazy.

Amazing Spider-Man #11

Written by Dan Slott | Art by Olivier Coipel

Dave: He goes for the Captain when he had basically a bare-chested Spider totem to eat RIGHT THERE. I guess we know which way Morlun swings.

Dog: Vegan too, apparently, as he overlooked the pig. I don’t think these villains are cloned when they die; they just import exact duplicates from Williamsburg.

East of Westworld #1

Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Nick Dragotta

Dave: Fleshlight 2.0 has gotten really aggressive.

Dog: Chimpanzee Hobgoblin shouldn’t have forgotten his grundle-guard.

Sean: ‘Cause it’s a Thriller! Thriller night!

Prometheus: Fire and Stone #4

Written by Paul Tobin | Art by Juan Ferreyra

Dave: I hate when they play with their food.

Dog: “Sorry to start without you, Gary, but I figured with hot food it’s okay.”

Hexed #5

Written by Michael Alan Nelson | Art by Dan Mora

Dave: Alternate scene in Spaceballs.

Dog: Does the Keeper of Secrets live in that guy’s duodenum? Is the secret what the appendix was used for?

Sean: If you feelin’ like a stomach goblin, go ‘head, brush yo bile off.

Savage Dragon #200

Written and Drawn by Erik Larsen

Dave: She’s kinda high on him for this to be working. Or am I thinking too much into this?

Dog: You don’t know much about reptile genitalia, do you, Dave?

Crossed: Badlands #68

Written by David Lapham | Art by German Erramouspe

Dave: Freud was almost right. Guy was never a foodie which got in the way of his science.

Dog: Hold on, we don’t see the penis. She could be wearing it right now!

Sean: Bratwurst anyone?

Sex Criminals #9

Written by Matt Fraction | Art by Chip Zdarsky

Dog: That’s not her ass.

Dave: Juci, dat ass…what is this a rap video from the 80’s?

Sean: I picture him sounding like David Bowie, which makes this scene a lot funnier.

Lady Demon #1

Written by Aaron Gillespie | Art by Mirka Andolfo

Dave: Tooth decay leads to face decay, which leads to leads to fly feasts. I’ve seen it a hundred times!

Dog: Shouldn’t have used roadkill as chaw. But I guess, when in South Carolina ….

Sean: That hair is gorgeous though. Can we talk about that hair?

Shutter #7

Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Duca

Dave: How can he be gurgling? His intestines are like party streamers!

Dog: I didn’t like Tarantino’s adaptation of Animal Farm.

Mercy Thompson #3

Written by Patricia Briggs, Rik Hoskin | Art by Tom Garcia

Dog: “I’m waving; can’t you see me?!”

Dave: This is what happens when you get too handsy.

V Wars #8

Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Marco Turini

Dave: I usually shoot my friends in the head too.

Dog: Your friends are mannequins filled with marmalade?