Zero #14



Written by Ales Kot | Art by Marek Oleksicki

Dave: What exactly is he pulling out of the back of his knee?

John: Obviously, it is a tentacle parasite.

Jordan: No guys, the guy is pulling the inking out of the character the artist worked so hard on.

Dog: “Fine, punch me in the balls, but quit flicking the lights on and off! You’re going to break the switch!”


Colder: The Bad Seed #4



Written by Paul Tobin | Art by Juan Ferreyra

Dave: This ruined my nap.

John: They are just trying to reproduce!

Jordan: To be fair, I think I might have said something a bit stronger than “Oh God” if my fingers were ripped off.

Dog: I guess avian facehuggers root for the Sabres.


Rasputin #4



Written by Alex Grecian | Art by Riley Rossmo

Dave: Remember kids, dodging bullets is only in the movies.

John: “Fear is the little death-death that brings total obliteration.” I think this guy took the Dune quote a little too literally.

Dog: Was it the fear that threw him off balance, or the .44 caliber while running on ice?


V-Wars #10



Written by Jonathan Maberry | Art by Ryan Brown

Dave: That’s got to be the worst finishing move saying ever.

Jordan: This is clearly Christian propaganda and brainwashing, sneaking in these “subtle” messages to trick people into reading Holy Scripture!

Dog: “Yeah I’ve read the Bible, and it seems to be pretty okay with slavery. Still wanna be a stickler?”

John: Where did the dude’s gun go?


Danger Club #6



Written by Landry Walker | Art by Eric Jones

Dave: It’s still animal abuse even if it has two heads and glowing eyes.

John: No one kills man’s best friend, or in this case, a god’s best friend. Best watch out for Hades.

Dog: I guess when Abin Sur’s ship crashed in the River Styx, Cerberus was the only one around to receive the ring.


Alex and Ada #12



Written and art by Jonathan Luna

Dave: Rule of thumb. If someone isn’t saying something, scream first, then if there is no reaction start smacking. Basic domestic abuse rule #48.

Jordan: THAT MONSTER!!! He knocked the jam right out of her!

John: Anyone got some peanut butter and sliced bread?


Harley Quinn #14



Written by Jimmy Palmotti & Amanda Conner | Art by Chad Hardin

Jordan: Also bondage and rope. Lots of rope and bondage will help him!

John: Don’t forget the blindfold and gag!

Dave: South Park’s Mr. Slave fan fiction done right!

Dog: It’s sad to see what can happen to pop music stars in their old age. I hear the cop does strip shows at the rest home and the Indian is a greeter at Foxwoods.