Justice League United #9



Written by Jeff Lemire | Art by Neil Edwards

Dave: Now we know how Velveeta is made. Gross.

Nick: This is why I don’t eat at Chipotle anymore.

John: When you gotta go, you gotta go!


All-New X-Men #36



Written by Brian Michael Bendis | Art by Mahmud A. Asrar

Dave: Tony Stark’s credo, “Whatever gets you through the day” never quite caught on as strong as Spider-Man’s “With Great Power…”

Dog: She says “ew,” but the way she’s biting her lip says “oooh.”


The Walking Dead #137



Written by Robert Kirkman | Art by Charlie Adlard

Dave: What would you call this? It’s not a tossed salad, but it’s on the opposite side of the body so a…tossed sundae?

Dog: The technical term is “occulingus.”

Nick: I bet Nick Fury’s feeling pretty jealous right about now.

Jordan: Today, I have learned about a brand new fetish… I don’t feel so good now…


Spider Woman #4



Written by Dennis Hopeless | Art by Greg Land

Dave: So tell me what you want what you really really want. I just hope it’s not zigazig ha.

Nick: Little does Anya know that in Spider-Gwen’s world, Eminem killed Dazzler with a lethal mic drop.

Dog: So that’s how disco died.

Jordan: I think Silk just aged twenty years or something…


Witchblade #180



Written by David Hine | Art by Gabriel Rearte

Dog: No amount of Old English furniture polish will fix this.

Dave: I love how there’s blood everywhere but on the sword.

Nick: If she starts licking his eye I’m done.

John: She is going to go for the neck!

Jordan: I honestly don’t get why you wanted me to remove your head! It seems like it would be a problem for you or something personally.


Conan Red Sonja #2



Written by Gail Simone, Jim Zub | Art by Dan Panosian

Dog: How does she know it’s blood? Maybe Sonja keeps raspberry jam in her gauntlets.

Dave: Maybe it’s just me but with the butt flaps and sensual blood licking I think this comic is a tad exploitative of women.

Nick: After that whole eye licking thing, putting tongue to blade doesn’t seem so bad.

Jordan: Yeah, her blood is sweet because of all the blood SUGAR in it! hahahahahaha! I’m so clever!


Rachel Rising #31



Written by and drawn by Terry Moore

Dave: Sexual education is different in Canada…

Dog: Masturbate, you go blind; have sex, you birth the anti-Christ. What’s the punishment for wet dreams? A small country is wiped out by scarlet fever?

Jordan: …meh, I’ve had stranger dreams. I’m unimpressed.

Nick: I think it’s really cool they’re doing an origin story for Jenny McCarthy’s mom.


Guardians 3000 #5



Written by Dan Abnett | Art by Gerardo Sandoval

Dave: Does the blue girl need to vacuum bag herself into that thing? If so what temp do we set the Sous-vide to?

Jordan: It’s nice that in the future superhero costumes still have nice and useful boob socks in their outfits.

Nick: I had a fart once that sounded like that.


Army of Darkness #3



Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Larry Watts

Dave: I love how the head just sort of floats there in the last panel.

Nick: Okay seriously, what is the deal with the licking and decapitated head motif this week? Is there something you’d like to talk about with us, David?

John: I’m still wondering why the two women didn’t turn to stone…


Transformers vs. G.I. JOE #5



Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Larry Watts

Dave: When being strangled by tentacles is a “gosh-darned red letter day” for you you’ve got some major sex issues you should be working out with your psychologist.

Dog: Speaking of wet dreams, I think Mattel just toasted a load over the thought of this crossover.

Nick: Pictured: What quite a bit of fiction would have looked like if H.P Lovecraft lived in the 1990’s.

John: I think Snake and Duke need to lay off the hash if they are conjuring up Robothulhus.


Amazing Spider-Man #14



Written by Dan Slott | Art by Olivier Coipel and Giuseppe Camuncoli

Dave: Pigs: allergic to pants since 1935 (the year Porky the Pig was created).

Dog: This panel not approved by the Comics Code Authority. Or the National Pork Board.

Nick: Hey Peter Porker–where’s the beef?

John: Pretty sure that is a clenched fist and not a hoof…guess that stage of evolution happened when I wasn’t looking.