The Auteur: Sister Bambi #1
written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan
Dave: The expression, “he just popped off” really is taken literally here.
Robert: Strangely reminiscent of my last job interview.
Nick: This is going to be another exploding-eye heavy PiPT, isn’t it?
Dog: Oh good, nobody beat me to “Ninjew.” Look at those Ninjews!
The Mantle #1
written by Ed Brisson | Art by Brian Level
Dave: Having cultivated PiPT for some time now I think it’s safe to say gore in comics has gone from shock material into anatomy 101.
Nick: Huh…big explosion, but no eyes…
Robert: I think that’s supposed to be an eye northeast of the lower jaw. Also, if you missed the Canelo vs. Kirkland fight this past weekend, here’s your highlight.
Dog: But the dentures are still intact! Thanks, Poligrip!
Harrow County #1
written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Tyler Crook
Dog: “When’s good for you? I’ve got a thing this weekend but we should totally hang after that.”
Dave: Damn, this was a major L’Oreal commercial miss. Gotta keep the dollar dollar bills as a priority guys.
Nick: Butterface, am I right?
Robert: I believe in Harvey Dent.
Written by Joshua Williamson | Art by Andrei Bressan
Dave: “A little off the top, no problem!” was the #1 catch phrase in comics this week. Nice job Birthright!
Nick: On the right arm of monster getting the top half of its head cut off–is that an iPod?
Dog: It’s his “Has my cranium been bisected?” monitor. Going off like a Bronx car alarm right now.
Robert: I’m trying to decide which of these deaths is the most painful. I’m thinking the left. That’s going to take a while to die from.
Lady Killer #5
Written and art by Joelle Jones
Dave: Diane’s chicken carving skills were less than adequate. True, they were good for stabbing though.
Robert: I wonder if the knife in her right hand is jealous of the knife in her left.
Nick: Everyone shows the ‘THUNK’, but most leave out the ‘SQUOOSH’. I appreciate the attention to detail here.
Dog: With resources drying up, ExxonMobil has had to resort to some … unconventional oil exploration techniques.
Written by Warren Ellis | Art by Declan Shalvey
Dave: “He said he wanted to piss on the internet and he did…who wants to take out the catheter?”
Nick: No eyes?! What the hell is going on this week?!
Robert: On the bright side, his iPhone is completely unscathed.
Dog: “More devices! Tell Comcast I need to watch the Hypodermic Pill Channel on MORE devices!”
Written by Jay Faerber | Art by Scott Godlewski
Nick: “I know one part of you that won’t be blue after tonight…”
Dave: Judging by her aggressiveness maybe she’s got the ol’ blue labia?
Dog: Anorexic Agent Scully’s gotta have it.
Robert: C’est un piège!!!
Written by Kel Symons | Art by Nathan Stockman
Dave: What good is a protective mask if it can’t even stop a fencing sword?
Dog: Joke if you want, but that thrust won him the silver in Sydney.
Robert: “That’s a fine little blade. Maybe I’ll pick my teeth with it.”
Nick: See, right there is what I’m talking about. We got the ‘CHUNK’, but no resultant ‘SQUOOSH’ when the weapon came out. This is the margin that separates good from great, people.
Black Science #14
Written by Rick Remender | Art by Matteo Scalera
Dog: Well why not, I thought time was money? Have I been lied to by aphorisms?
Dave: Not a good week for dudes with masks…
Robert: Dave, I’m pretty sure that’s why no superheroes wear them in the movies. Clearly it only helps you get punched in the face.
Nick: KRSSSH? What the heck is KRSSH? That sounds like one of my farts after eating cabbage.