Convergence #7

written by Jeff King & Scott Lobdell | Art by Aaron Lopresti

Dave: That skirt must force Wonder Woman to punch and kick in very specific ways to ensure her cooch isn’t showing. It may seem cumbersome but it’s actually an ancient style of kung fu called Flasher’s Revenge.

Nick: I like how Shazam is sporting the classic ‘white middle-aged guy trying to dance’ face.

Dog: “But it’s the pelvic thru-u-ust! That really drives you insa-a-a-ane!”

Archie vs. Predator #2

written by Alex de Campi | Art by Fernando Ruiz

Dave: I guess his head was made of ketchup. That’d explain why Jughead is still chomping down those fries.

Nick: This is what happens in Riverdale when you say you want a venti frappuccino rather than just a large coffee.

Dog: All right, an ejecting eyeball! I’ve got a good feeling about this week, guys.

John: I didn’t know Marvel was doing a crossover with Archie. Or did Cyclops decide to comic jump all by himself?

Convergence: Swamp Thing #2

written by Len Wein | Art by Kelley Jones

Dave: Seeing Swamp Thing defecate has ruined all vegetables for me.

Dog: Slays evil while making his own compost. That’s handy.

Nick: I tried this same tactic once with a Jehovah’s Witness. To his credit, he ignored it and just kept going with the script.

Dave: The Batman Axe Body Spray just never caught on. Maybe it was the garlic…or maybe it was the effect on women. In all their goopy reactions.

John: This is really why Two-Face looks the way he does.

Nick: In five years, this is what those anti-smoking personal anecdote ads will look like.

Dog: Okay, that eye isn’t quite ejected … someone slap her on the back and keep this party rolling.

Robocop #11

written by Joshua Williamson & Dennis Culver | Art by Alejandro Aragón

Dave: Robocop would be great at carnivals and kids parties.

John: You got it all wrong, Dave. He would make a great dentist and brain surgeon. Move over Ben Carson.

Dog: Ass-rape, bullet-sharing–prison really is a bloodborne pathogen paradise.

Nick: …and that was the last time Paul Blart: Mall Cop was shown on movie night.

Wayward #7

written by Jim Zub | Art by Steve Cummings

Dave: This may look gross but it’s actually a fantastic shot of the joyess Spider Spring Festival, Dance and Fling.

Nick: Heh, check out the one spider flying away with the dude’s eye. WE’RE BACK, BABY!

John: Are Steve Ditko and Stan Lee finally unveiling the original idea behind Spider-Man?

Convergence: Wonder Woman #2

Written by Larry Hama | Art by Aaron Lopresti

Dave: I’m still weighing what is worse for your back, the boot to the spinal cord or the 50 pound melons on her chest.

Dog: The “brokeback pose,” taken literally.

John: It looks like Wonder Woman has been reading some 50 Shades of Grey with that Bracelet of Submission…

Nick: Pro Tip: Declaring that your opponent “doesn’t look so tough” is not a conclusion you should ever draw from them breaking your friend’s spine.