Written by Gillen | Art by Andrade
Man vs. Rock: Mondays, right?
Dave: I don’t know what’s worse, the gross beast or the crap spilling out of it. Fun fact: that’s the mutant X-Man Beast. Bad hair day, eh?
Nick: “Someone jiggle the damn handle! It’s overflowing!”
Alyssa: And I thought they smelled bad on the OUTSIDE. (PS – I can’t believe I was the first person to make this joke.)
Lisa: Looks like this guy needs Xout. Those mechanical pimples are out of control.
Dog: Syphilis, as viewed under the microscope.
John: That red laser must be really hitting the right spots; look at how much juice is flowing out!
Sean: Teens, do you struggle with acne?
Written by James Robinson | Art by Steve Pugh
Dog: Revenge on the Planet of the Apes.
Lisa: This is what really happened during the Faces of Death monkey scene.
Dave: Ah the gentle sound of “brains” in the morning. The only way to wake up. Or am I thinking of the Folgers Brains flavor?
Man vs. Rock: The things listening to Nickelback will do to your brain ..
Alyssa: The dangers of dubstep. Someone seriously dropped that beat.
Nick: Taking out a whole side of the face instead of just the eye? Sloppy.
Sean: Fun fact: when organs pop out of you, they spell out what they are as they exit.
Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Szymon Kudranski and Cliff Richards
Dave: Just let it in, Lobo. I know it takes a lot of relaxing but what did we say about the breathing and the lube? It’ll work itself in either way, so best make her happy and put on a smile.
Man vs. Rock: So that’s what sex with a Scientologist feels like …
John: Arachniality! It’s eight times the fun!
Dog: Oh, I’m sure he caught some disease named after an arthropod.
Alyssa: Another opportunity Ant-Man missed.
Nick: Please…PLEASE tell me this page appeared over a Twix ad.
Sean: I’ve heard smashed spiders make good lube.
Dave: The Lobo pinata was a huge hit until people realized the entrails were filled with poo.
Man vs. Rock: He might not have intestines anymore, but check out that ass!
Dog: And his hair is still perfect.
Nick: Looks like even Flashdance is getting the gritty reboot treatment.
Lisa: Tickets on sale now for Cirque de Soleil’s new show, Gastro Electric.
Sean: No ifs, ands, or butts, Lobo’s got… cool eyes.
This Damned Band #1
Written by Paul Cornell | Art by Tony Parker
Dave: If he’s lead groupie why isn’t he on his knees?
Man vs. Rock: Summerflower’s not as catchy as her original name, Rimjobber.
Nick: Since when does sex start with a bunion treatment?
Dog: Or having your shoulder sucked?
Lisa: The guy on the right is so horny he can’t even open a no name beer.
John: Does that one woman have a baby in her arms? Didn’t know they started them that young!
Sean: But why is there a peacock?
Written by Joshua Williamson | Art by Mike Henderson
Dave: “I know I love what they did with the walls.”
Lisa: The day we discovered Gene Simmons lineage.
Nick: I’m seeing Kid Rock, but before the meth really started taking a toll.
Man vs. Rock: “They all died of natural causes!” – Dr. Riviera
John: No this is not new. It is obviously very old and decaying. Man, gotta point out the obvious to this guy…
Dog: Medieval Times only got a B from the health department. The meat locker wasn’t up to code.
Sean: Corpsegrinder’s living room looks nice.
Deadly Class #15
written by Rick Remender | Art by Wes Craig
John: “And you know nothing”
Dave: Including how eyeballs work.
Nick: Can’t even get the whole eye out. Reganomics fails again.
Lisa: That’s what you get when you eat Reagan’s special jelly beans.
Man vs. Rock: Best.Soviet.President.Ever.
Dog: Stop changing our textbooks, Texas! Moses did not discover America, and Reagan was not the first man in space!
Sean: I think everyone’s been there.
We Stand On Guard #2
Written by Brian K. Vaughan | Art by Steve Scroce
Dog: “Cold nose, cold nose!”
Dave: Little did she know that was the wolf shower. But the soap? That was rabies.
Man vs. Rock: They say there are no bad dogs … just pervy ones.
Lisa: I told you to head straight to grandma’s house.
John: Lisa, she is already at Grandma’s house!
Nick: When Old Spice commercials get real.
Robert: She’s going to slip and fall when she lands. No hurdling out of the shower.
Sean: That time of the month already?
Zombie Tramp vs. Vampblade #2
Written by Jason Martin, Dan Mendoza | Art by Winston Young
John: I think you get feed at Tractor Supply Co., they are looking in all the wrong places.
Dave: Who let the penis monsters in and since when did they become puddles of fat?
Dog: Love the sex disease theme you’ve cultivated this week, Dave. Very subtle.
Man vs. Rock: Those penises don’t seem so out-of-the-ordinary to me, Dave.
Lisa: Something’s gone very wrong at this fertility clinic.
Sean: Gross, stumbled onto the Xenomorph tag on Xtube.
John Flood #1
Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Jorge Coelho
Dave: With a knife holder like that, who wouldn’t!?
Lisa: It’s so sweet when families spend time together.
John: Just enjoying the game with my buds.
Sean: “Y’all real good at the quiet game.”
Nick: Dude better get his damn feet off the table or he’ll be relaxing permanently.
Man vs. Rock: “Let’s play a game! Every time Dale Jr. finishes a lap, we get to stab Billy Joe.”
Age of Reptiles: Ancient Egypt #3
Written and Drawn by Ricardo Delgado
Robert: This is a reenactment of my family during Thanksgiving. Someone always tries to eat early. They do not survive.
Dog: What did you call dogpiles before dogs evolved?
Lisa: Looks like T-Rex couldn’t hack the jump in.
Dave: The origin of the word gangbang is 65 million years old. The more you know!
Dog: Oh, it’s a dinosaur foot fetish crushing video? The asteroid did Earth a favor.
Sean: In the immortal words of Dave Mustaine, “Crush ‘em!” A lot of people don’t know that Megadeth song is about dino stomping.
Man vs. Rock: Jurassic World II: Dinosaur Gangbang. In theatres summer 2017, Dave.
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