Secret Wars: Battleworld #4



Written by and art by James Stokoe

Dave: Large Marge sure got a 21st century upgrade in the new Pee-Wee movie.

Man vs. Rock: The new Windows 10 looks great, guys!

John: Surfers are not only sharks’ favorite snacks but mechanical robots love feasting on them too!

Nick: Starting things off strong with a zombie Galactus eye pop.

Dog: Once the scourge of the universe, Galactus is reduced to doing hentai just to put something in his mouth. Sad.

Lisa: These new Weight Watchers ads are a bit extreme.


Written by and art by James Stokoe

Dave: Galactus’ “innards” are hentai tentacles? Now we know why Sue wanted Mr. Fantastic to end him. Franklin was getting ideas.

Man vs. Rock: Hentai tentacles? Now that’s what I call Intelligent Design!

John: Surfers taste so yummy. You can just see the taste buds exploding off the Devourer’s multiple hentai tentacles!

Dog: Unless he’s actually Heartworm Medication Surfer, I don’t think the Big G is gonna get what he really needs.

Nick: Those Listerine commercials from the 90’s were pretty intense.

Lisa: Be warned people this is what happens after a week of Soylent Green.


Batman #43



Written by Scott Snyder | Art by Greg Capullo

Lisa: Everyone into the wave pool! Oh wait, everyone get out!

Dave: Changing Batman to Junkman was bold, but it made sense when you consider he replaced the bats with junk punches. Striking fear in the junk of common criminals since 2015!

Dog:Is this going to another genital-hating week, Dave? Is there something you want to talk about?

Nick: “That’s what happens to right-Twix loving scum in my city.”

Man vs. Rock: Not the penis-shot Gotham needs, but the penis-shot Gotham deserves…


ODY-C #6



Written by Matt Fraction | Art by Christian Ward

Dave: Percy was worried about his dong pendulum. Not because it was shiny with a new gem on its end, but because everyone would perceive it as arrogant cock swinging. They’d be right of course, but Percy wasn’t one to brag.

Lisa: Now that’s taking bedazzling to a whole new level.

Man vs. Rock: I didn’t know Joel Schumacher started writing comics …

John: Man-Baby only wants one thing! And that’s a singer for his microphone!

Nick: It’s all fun and games until you sit down too fast.

Dog: Close this Halloween costume contest. No one’s beating RuPaul’s S&M minotaur.


Wonderland #38



Written by Erica J. Heflin | Art by Marc Rosete

John: Definitely have to clean up. You aren’t touching me with all that blood all over you!

Dog:So that’s why my grandma puts plastic on the furniture.

Nick: Two people wearing white to a knife murder? That’s just poor planning.

Dave: You should see him carve the turkey at Thanksgiving!

Lisa: That’s one way to get out of alimony.

Man vs. Rock: I’m beginning to think that comic creators might be maladjusted people …


BOY-1 #1



Written by H.S. Tak | Art by Amancay Nahuelpan

Dog: Trying to “control your DNA” doesn’t work. Please, use condoms.

Dave: I’m going to assume that coke line is covering her “grape” fantasy kink. Aka the Lucille Désirée Ball syndrome.

Nick: Oh sure, an iPad screen someone uses to snort coke from that doesn’t have any cracks on it. Whatever.

Lisa: It’s nice to see a nice religious girl practicing her faith.

Greg: This is not at all what I expected from an adaptation of “Boy,” Roald Dahl’s memoir of his childhood.

Man vs. Rock: Pussycat2023/Trump for President, 2016!


Empire Uprising #4



Written by H.S. Tak | Art by Amancay Nahuelpan

Man vs. Rock: The new, hip Catholic Church: Hotter and sexier than ever!

John Just a few of the benefits of consuming a God!

Dog: Cecil wondered why the communion wafers were blue, but was later glad that he said “fuck it” and ate half a dozen. Glad to see some genital LOVE!

Dave: Failed Viagra commercial #457. Notes read:
“Too much mystery. It needs more symbolic gestures of growth. Girls should look shocked but not scared. Why is this turning me on?”

Lisa: Looks like there was a three for one sale on Wetn’Wild black lipstick.

Nick: This scene loses a whole lot of its sex appeal when you realize they’re staring at his fart bubbles.


Shutter #14



Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Duca

John: FATALITY! … ROUND TWO FIGHT!

Lisa: Pop goes the weasel.

Nick: Gotta give it up to red dude for keeping an angry face during his decapitation.

Dave: “They said it was a hard punch but I heard the spine was just bored of its body,” Gore Gossiper Greg said.

Man vs. Rock: Nice metaphor for what Fox did to the Fantastic Four.

Dog: “Thud,” indeed.


Mice Templar: Nights End #4



Written by Bryan J. L. Glass and Michael Avon Oeming | Art by Michael Avon Oeming and Victor Santos

Man vs. Rock: Cecilia the Bat was a huge part of Transylvania’s culture! Lousy rabbit dentists …

Dave: This would be a great time to teach preschoolers about symmetry and give them nightmares!

Dog: Why nightmares? Each side will regenerate into a whole, new bat … right?

Lisa: Well this is certainly going to change the Mad Hatter’s song, Twinkle, twinkle little bat…