Civil War #3
Written by Charles Soule | Art by Leinil Francis Yu
Dave: “He wanted to stick his tongue out so I did it for him.”
Dog: Tentacles, deep throat … I’m tired, make your own hentai joke.
Man vs. Rock: “The stock market did WHAT this week?!”
Lisa: Does your blood look like crude oil? Little known fact: Four out of five men suffer from Exxonplasma syndrome.
Written by Robert Kirkman | Art by Ryan Ottley, Cliff Rathburn, Jean-Francois Beaulieu
Dog: I once got a text from a friend saying, “My ass just puked.” Never understood that, until now.
Lisa: Hey! It was my turn to play the head.
Dave: Sphincter Mouth Birds are known for their acidic feces but also their asshole attitudes.
Man vs. Rock: That’s what you get when you buy a timeshare in Chernobyl.
Batman: Arkham Knight Genesis #1
Written by Peter Tomasi | Art by Alison Borges
Dave: I’ve heard of an eye popping affair but this is truly eye dropping!
Man vs. Rock: Did y’all hear about the reveal in the new Batman video game that the Arkham Knight is actually … Josh Duggar!
Dog: Did I miss the announcement of more Amalgam comics? Black PanBatMerica looks awesome!
Past Aways #6
Written by Matt Kindt | Art by Scott Kolins
Man vs. Rock: Baark? That reminds me, Happy National Dog Day everyone!
Dave: The eye exam was foolproof and always captured who had the worst vision. It only required they kill Karl every time.
Dog: Yeah, that’s why I still won’t get Lasik. You’re not fooling me, supervillain ophthalmologists.
Man vs. Rock: After Tommy was diagnosed with a mild concussion, Coach Belichick put him back into the game and, even without a pulse, were still able to beat the Jets.
Lisa: Disclaimer: Reactions borrowed from One Direction’s latest video test audience.
Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Robson Rocha
Dave: Foreplay for Franz was always a shocker to the ladies.
Dog: But he’s revolutionized med school instruction.
Man vs. Rock: With a billion Twix ads and comics promoting Christian stories like Sinestro Jesus raising the dead, how does DC manage to lose $2 million?
Lisa: This new liposuction procedure seems a bit more invasive. How’s the bruising?
Robert: Am I the only one that feels the order is wrong? Like, it should be muscles, then skeleton, then internal organs, right? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s right.
Written by Justin Jordan | Art by Kyle Strahm, Felipe Sobreiro
Man vs. Rock: The normal bear reaction upon hearing that Owen Wilson is an action-star now.
Dave: The birth of Bear Grylls everybody.
Robert: I have sneezed this hard before. Damn allergies.
Lisa: It’s okay bear, everybody has at least one bad night with tequila.
Man vs. Rock: See, Bears hate the Fantastic Four movie just as much as we do!
Gotham by Midnight #8
Written by Ray Fawkes | Art by Juan Ferreyra
Dave: Some thought the abstinence only program was faulty, but when they learned this was the only image they showed of “intercourse” kids quickly stopped having sex and started getting real.
Man vs. Rock: Sad fact – They say 50% of all marriages between stockbrokers and space-tentacled monsters end in divorce.
Lisa: This is why news anchors sit behind a very large desk.
Robert: Monster vs. Man: Dawn of Spousal Abuse
Dog: I don’t think the chairs are ergonomically designed to support that body shape.