Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies #4

Written by James Robinson | Art by Steve Pugh

Lisa: These guys could really use a dental plan.

Dave: Intestine streamers aside, is everyone seeing that Ultron-Zombie-Batman on the right?!

Dog: Clearly meant to one-up Robo Gordon.

Man vs. Rock: Robot Zombie Spring Break!

Danger Girl: Renegade #1

Written by Andy Hartnell | Art by Stephen Molnar

Man vs. Rock: I’ve heard of a one-eyed snake, but this is ridiculous!

Dave: I’ve come to the realization artists have eyeballs pop out, explode and do all sorts of gross things because their eyes are their most important body parts.

John: So this is how Voldemort took possession of Professor Quirinus Quirrell.

Man vs. Rock: She’s screaming because she doesn’t want the snake spraying it in her hair.

Lisa: Oh stop screaming. This is what happens when you wield a snake like a sabre.

Lobo #10

Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Robson Rocha

Dave: I want to see what he can do in a deli.

Lisa: These Ginsu knives are fantastic!

John: Step 1. Slice into specimen. You try, on this one.

Dog: Are all Skrulls full of Twizzler lattices, or just the albino ones?

Man vs. Rock: “He gets like this when he misses an episode of the Real Housewives.”

Dave: Seriously, how can they hear each other? I thought you couldn’t speak in space. I guess in space everyone can hear your chest explode.

Dog: There is still one atom per cubic centimeter in outer space. Teachable moment!

Man vs. Rock: The Lesson: Open your heart to the universe, and your dreams will come true!

Lisa: Lobo, this is a bit of an overreaction for someone borrowing your red eye makeup.

Tales of Honor: Bred to Kill #2

Written by Matt Hawkins | Art by Linda Sejic

Dave: Little did she know his genitals were the least private thing at the club.

John: Well…I’ve changed my questions a bit though…How small is your dick?!?

Man vs. Rock: Don’t worry bro, it looks like that alien cat thing is still DTF…

Lisa: Well you don’t usually see that on Star Trek: Next Generation.

Dog: Yeah, really more of a Deep Space Nine thing. Pretty sure Odo f----d a cat in season two.

The Dying & the Dead #3

Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Ryan Bodenheim

Dave: Creating the wheel had its repercussions.

Dog: No one crosses the Parallel Follicle Tribe and survives.

Man vs. Rock: How Geico retires its mascots.

Lisa: Hmmm….impaled “Hurk!”, ready to strike “Hurr”, gorged on intestines “Hurl”.

Dog: Look, I’m glad the Akira movie finally got made, but I think the Russo-Aztec money marks may have influenced the final product.

Dave: That face just screams, “who put these intestines here?! I just cleaned this carpet! The Roomba will be ruined!” Give or take…

Lisa: No, no no! I waited in line forever for that tripe and gravy.

John: Get in my stomach. NOM NOM NOM!

Man vs. Rock: “Why… why did I eat at Arby’s?!”

Dark Corridor #2

Written and Drawn by Rich Tommaso

Dave: The sad thing was he was going to ask him to suck his gummy bear treats. Unfortunate, because Fernando never did find the treats after he was executed.

John: You gotta be careful who you play Monopoly with…

Man vs. Rock: The re-make for the Shawshank Redemption is looking great!

Lisa: He needs to work on his home improvement skills if he ever wants that TV show.

Dog: The sink thinks this is hilarious. Pareidolia!

Aliens / Vampirella #1

Written by Corinna Bechko | Art by Javier García-Miranda

Dave: I can’t watch Aliens porn anymore. The facials are just too graphic.

John: It takes just the right amount of foreplay to really get the Alien turned on…

Lisa: Now that’s a love bite!

Dog: I’m somehow reminded of the fugu episode of The Simpsons.

Dave: The Aliens chubby was always my least favorite part.

Lisa: You better be picking up my dry cleaning bill.

Dog: Best I can piece this together: Alien scares guy, grabs beef jerky, sprays ketchup on guy’s hoodie.

John Flood #2

Written by Justin Jordan| Art by Jorge Coelho

Dave: That’s what you get for having a slug neck.

Dog: God, if he could just do that to every other Pink Floyd fan …

Lisa: Leave Pat alone!