Age of Ultron vs. Marvel Zombies #4
Written by James Robinson | Art by Steve Pugh
Lisa: These guys could really use a dental plan.
Dave: Intestine streamers aside, is everyone seeing that Ultron-Zombie-Batman on the right?!
Dog: Clearly meant to one-up Robo Gordon.
Man vs. Rock: Robot Zombie Spring Break!
Danger Girl: Renegade #1
Written by Andy Hartnell | Art by Stephen Molnar
Man vs. Rock: I’ve heard of a one-eyed snake, but this is ridiculous!
Dave: I’ve come to the realization artists have eyeballs pop out, explode and do all sorts of gross things because their eyes are their most important body parts.
John: So this is how Voldemort took possession of Professor Quirinus Quirrell.
Man vs. Rock: She’s screaming because she doesn’t want the snake spraying it in her hair.
Lisa: Oh stop screaming. This is what happens when you wield a snake like a sabre.
Written by Cullen Bunn | Art by Robson Rocha
Dave: I want to see what he can do in a deli.
Lisa: These Ginsu knives are fantastic!
John: Step 1. Slice into specimen. You try, on this one.
Dog: Are all Skrulls full of Twizzler lattices, or just the albino ones?
Man vs. Rock: “He gets like this when he misses an episode of the Real Housewives.”
Dave: Seriously, how can they hear each other? I thought you couldn’t speak in space. I guess in space everyone can hear your chest explode.
Dog: There is still one atom per cubic centimeter in outer space. Teachable moment!
Man vs. Rock: The Lesson: Open your heart to the universe, and your dreams will come true!
Lisa: Lobo, this is a bit of an overreaction for someone borrowing your red eye makeup.
Tales of Honor: Bred to Kill #2
Written by Matt Hawkins | Art by Linda Sejic
Dave: Little did she know his genitals were the least private thing at the club.
John: Well…I’ve changed my questions a bit though…How small is your dick?!?
Man vs. Rock: Don’t worry bro, it looks like that alien cat thing is still DTF…
Lisa: Well you don’t usually see that on Star Trek: Next Generation.
Dog: Yeah, really more of a Deep Space Nine thing. Pretty sure Odo f----d a cat in season two.
The Dying & the Dead #3
Written by Jonathan Hickman | Art by Ryan Bodenheim
Dave: Creating the wheel had its repercussions.
Dog: No one crosses the Parallel Follicle Tribe and survives.
Man vs. Rock: How Geico retires its mascots.
Lisa: Hmmm….impaled “Hurk!”, ready to strike “Hurr”, gorged on intestines “Hurl”.
Dog: Look, I’m glad the Akira movie finally got made, but I think the Russo-Aztec money marks may have influenced the final product.
Dave: That face just screams, “who put these intestines here?! I just cleaned this carpet! The Roomba will be ruined!” Give or take…
Lisa: No, no no! I waited in line forever for that tripe and gravy.
John: Get in my stomach. NOM NOM NOM!
Man vs. Rock: “Why… why did I eat at Arby’s?!”
Dark Corridor #2
Written and Drawn by Rich Tommaso
Dave: The sad thing was he was going to ask him to suck his gummy bear treats. Unfortunate, because Fernando never did find the treats after he was executed.
John: You gotta be careful who you play Monopoly with…
Man vs. Rock: The re-make for the Shawshank Redemption is looking great!
Lisa: He needs to work on his home improvement skills if he ever wants that TV show.
Dog: The sink thinks this is hilarious. Pareidolia!
Aliens / Vampirella #1
Written by Corinna Bechko | Art by Javier García-Miranda
Dave: I can’t watch Aliens porn anymore. The facials are just too graphic.
John: It takes just the right amount of foreplay to really get the Alien turned on…
Lisa: Now that’s a love bite!
Dog: I’m somehow reminded of the fugu episode of The Simpsons.
Dave: The Aliens chubby was always my least favorite part.
Lisa: You better be picking up my dry cleaning bill.
Dog: Best I can piece this together: Alien scares guy, grabs beef jerky, sprays ketchup on guy’s hoodie.
John Flood #2
Written by Justin Jordan| Art by Jorge Coelho
Dave: That’s what you get for having a slug neck.
Dog: God, if he could just do that to every other Pink Floyd fan …
Lisa: Leave Pat alone!