Guardians of Knowhere #4

Written by Brian Michael Bendis | Art by Mike Deodato

Dave: That’s what happens when you reach for the chips too quickly on football Sunday!

Dog: I guess in the female Ghostbusters remake, crossing the streams is a good thing.

Lisa: Note to self, remove chin dildo before the battle.

Man vs. Rock: The overwhelming favorite for the new image on the $10 bill.

Secret Identities #7

Written by Brian Joines | Art by Ilias Kyriazis

Dog: Being a razor-clawed spider-monster is no excuse for talking with your mouth full.

Dave: The Halloween Snickers ads nail the message but aren’t making me hungry anymore.

Man vs. Rock: Bill Belichick is at it again …

John: This is why you should always pass gas when the urge comes. You never know when it will build up and turn you into a crazy insect creature.

Manifest Destiny #17

Written by Chris Dingess | Art by Mathew Roberts

Dave: Ken dolls got more realistic, but still flat in the crotch area. The lesson? Children love gore but hate penis.

Dog: Count Thorn Throat really wanted a Civil War Hero Mashers figure.

Lisa: With that face I would steal a new head too.

Man vs. Rock: How the Civil War is taught in Texas schools everywhere…

Tokyo Ghost #1

Written by Rick Remender | Art by Sean Murphy

Dave: The Arm Elongator® never quite stopped stretching at the right time.

Dog: Is the fur trim on helmeted Hulk Hogan really necessary? Do the tips of his clavicle get cold?

Man vs. Rock: Wouldn’t be the worst thing Hulk’s done recently, Dog.

Lisa: Wow! The chain wallet seems to never go out of style.

Dog: Well, I mean, technically he’s not destroyed. Just, um, disconnected?

Dave: That’s what you get for having dinner plate nipples.

Lisa: I don’t think this is what he meant when he said “take a little off the top.”

Man vs. Rock: Can’t wait for the movie, Commander Zane Returns, starring Brandon Routh, to hit theaters everywhere!

Dave: Admins got pretty harsh with the cheat code users at Valve.

Lisa: How is he enunciating so well without lips?

Dog: Why does all horror media think human beings have foot-long optic nerves? What would be the point of that?

Man vs. Rock: Nice metaphor for what Donald Trump is doing to the rest of the GOP field.

Injection #6

Written by Warren Ellis | Art by Declan Shalvey

Dave: People who are vegan sure are in your face about it.

Lisa: Ah yes, another case of Trump eyes. Look away! Look away!

Dog: The foreman told them if they kept gold-brickin’ the way they were, they’d start growing mold ….

Man vs. Rock: This is what happens when you vaccinate your kids too early …

The Auteur: Sister Bambi #4

Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan with Luigi Anderson

Dog: “Confused groping with my cousin Katie doesn’t count!”

Dave: Pterodactyls care not for love, only entrails!

Lisa: Perhaps it was the pants.

Man vs. Rock: Technically, a pterodactyl gangbang doesn’t count as love these days …

Sex Criminals #12

Written by Matt Fraction | Art by Chip Zdarsky

Dave: Come to think of it I think I’ve encountered a few haunted vaginas in my day.

John: Praise be the Glory of Cthulu’s Bride!!

Lisa: Well lubrication certainly isn’t an issue for this gal.

Dog: “Darkened Delta of Destruction” is the black sorority bodybuilder porno I didn’t know I wanted until now.

Man vs. Rock: Finally! Irrefutable proof that Matt Fraction has never seen a vagina.

Dave: You should see her do parties!

John: Glitter is so last year.

Lisa: Pantiless backpacking leads to trouble every time.

Man vs. Rock: Disgusting that comics continue to objectify men in the year 2015.

Dog: You thought the money shot was hard to clean up before ….

’68: Last Rights #2

Written by Mark Kidwell | Art by Jeff Zornow

Dave: Roberta was always a cockblock. Even with the undead.

Dog: I can’t believe those granite eyeglasses help his vision that much.

Man vs. Rock: #zombielivesmatter [TOO MUCH DAVE?]

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