Guardians of Knowhere #4
Written by Brian Michael Bendis | Art by Mike Deodato
Dave: That’s what happens when you reach for the chips too quickly on football Sunday!
Dog: I guess in the female Ghostbusters remake, crossing the streams is a good thing.
Lisa: Note to self, remove chin dildo before the battle.
Man vs. Rock: The overwhelming favorite for the new image on the $10 bill.
Secret Identities #7
Written by Brian Joines | Art by Ilias Kyriazis
Dog: Being a razor-clawed spider-monster is no excuse for talking with your mouth full.
Dave: The Halloween Snickers ads nail the message but aren’t making me hungry anymore.
Man vs. Rock: Bill Belichick is at it again …
John: This is why you should always pass gas when the urge comes. You never know when it will build up and turn you into a crazy insect creature.
Manifest Destiny #17
Written by Chris Dingess | Art by Mathew Roberts
Dave: Ken dolls got more realistic, but still flat in the crotch area. The lesson? Children love gore but hate penis.
Dog: Count Thorn Throat really wanted a Civil War Hero Mashers figure.
Lisa: With that face I would steal a new head too.
Man vs. Rock: How the Civil War is taught in Texas schools everywhere…
Tokyo Ghost #1
Written by Rick Remender | Art by Sean Murphy
Dave: The Arm Elongator® never quite stopped stretching at the right time.
Dog: Is the fur trim on helmeted Hulk Hogan really necessary? Do the tips of his clavicle get cold?
Man vs. Rock: Wouldn’t be the worst thing Hulk’s done recently, Dog.
Lisa: Wow! The chain wallet seems to never go out of style.
Dog: Well, I mean, technically he’s not destroyed. Just, um, disconnected?
Dave: That’s what you get for having dinner plate nipples.
Lisa: I don’t think this is what he meant when he said “take a little off the top.”
Man vs. Rock: Can’t wait for the movie, Commander Zane Returns, starring Brandon Routh, to hit theaters everywhere!
Dave: Admins got pretty harsh with the cheat code users at Valve.
Lisa: How is he enunciating so well without lips?
Dog: Why does all horror media think human beings have foot-long optic nerves? What would be the point of that?
Man vs. Rock: Nice metaphor for what Donald Trump is doing to the rest of the GOP field.
Written by Warren Ellis | Art by Declan Shalvey
Dave: People who are vegan sure are in your face about it.
Lisa: Ah yes, another case of Trump eyes. Look away! Look away!
Dog: The foreman told them if they kept gold-brickin’ the way they were, they’d start growing mold ….
Man vs. Rock: This is what happens when you vaccinate your kids too early …
The Auteur: Sister Bambi #4
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan with Luigi Anderson
Dog: “Confused groping with my cousin Katie doesn’t count!”
Dave: Pterodactyls care not for love, only entrails!
Lisa: Perhaps it was the pants.
Man vs. Rock: Technically, a pterodactyl gangbang doesn’t count as love these days …
Sex Criminals #12
Written by Matt Fraction | Art by Chip Zdarsky
Dave: Come to think of it I think I’ve encountered a few haunted vaginas in my day.
John: Praise be the Glory of Cthulu’s Bride!!
Lisa: Well lubrication certainly isn’t an issue for this gal.
Dog: “Darkened Delta of Destruction” is the black sorority bodybuilder porno I didn’t know I wanted until now.
Man vs. Rock: Finally! Irrefutable proof that Matt Fraction has never seen a vagina.
Dave: You should see her do parties!
John: Glitter is so last year.
Lisa: Pantiless backpacking leads to trouble every time.
Man vs. Rock: Disgusting that comics continue to objectify men in the year 2015.
Dog: You thought the money shot was hard to clean up before ….
’68: Last Rights #2
Written by Mark Kidwell | Art by Jeff Zornow
Dave: Roberta was always a cockblock. Even with the undead.
Dog: I can’t believe those granite eyeglasses help his vision that much.
Man vs. Rock: #zombielivesmatter [TOO MUCH DAVE?]