Written by Cullen Bunn and Frank Barbiere | Art by Robson Rocha and Ethan Van Sciver
Dog: That’s what you are? Cause you kind of look like WildStorm joined up with the KISS Army.
Dave: Fun Fact: Lobo has a thing for tickling the heart valves as he stabs. Now that’s kink.
Lisa: Aww, poor calamari face just wanted a fix. Way to overreact.
Man vs. Rock: Marco Rubio 2.0. – Bigger, stronger, and with more stabbing action!
Written by Tim Seeley | Art by Mike Norton
Dave: Comics today have a lot of jaw dropping stuff. ::RIMSHOT::
Dog: An intricate, two-pronged plan for eliminating someone’s mandible. She’s the best at what she does, because everyone else thinks it’s f-----g dumb.
Lisa: This guy is really wishing he opted for the dental plan.
Man vs. Rock: This happens on the same day we allow women in combat?! I’m no conspiracy theorist, but this must have been planned by the Illuminati in conjunction with the Freemasons and all-powerful Pez dispenser lobby (after they did 9/11).
Aliens / Vampirella #4
Written by Corinna Bechko | Art by Javier García-Miranda
Dog: A comic so scary it will make you s--t blood and hop!
Lisa: The fashion police are harsh. That headband is terrible but, really?
Dave: If I was a dead body I’d look away too.
Man vs. Rock: It’s simple, people! If everyone carried a weaponized alien with them, there would be much less alien violence and we’d all be much safer …
Savage Dragon #209
Written and Drawn by Erik Larsen
Dog: Wait, are we sure this isn’t the Alien comic?
Dave: Abstinence only: Not even once.
Lisa: On the plus side, she has a great ass for a pregnant, dead lady.
Man vs. Rock: Take that, Planned Parenthood!
Ixth Generation #7
Written by Matt Hawkins | Art by Atilio Rojo
Dave: Now that’s how you slap a b---h ass mouth.
Dog: Emo Lizard keeping his pimp hand strong.
Lisa: This is why I will never visit Sea World.
Man vs. Rock: On the plus side, that guy still has immaculate teeth …
Dave: Little does The Darkness know those were his best friends and lovers.
Dog: Even the Almighty will crack his enamel if he keeps grinding like that.
Man vs. Rock: Any man who says I am god is no true god.
The Humans #10
Written by Keenan Keller | Art by Tom Neely
Dog: “Plastics, Abe. There’s a great future in using plastics to reattach severed intestinal tissue.”
Lisa: A simple “excuse me” would have done the trick.
Dave: This should be the premise of the show Chopped.
Man vs. Rock: Been awhile since we’ve had a good intestine shot at PiPT …
Call of Duty: Black Ops III #2
Written by Larry Hama | Art by Marcelo Ferreira
Dave: What exactly “shunk’d” there? Nut shot?
Dog: “Hey, you know there’s bullets in the other end of these things, right?”
Lisa: And that was the third and final time, he forgot to take out the garbage.
Man vs. Rock: She walks off scot-free, yet if Ray Rice did the same thing, he’d be suspended at least two games. Really makes you think …