We are now in week two of PiPT of 2016. No pressure. We analyze the grossest, funniest, weirdest panels across all publishers to bring you the best of the disturbingly best!
༽つ۞﹏۞༼つ What the F am I looking at? WTF of the week 😱
Swamp Thing #2
Written by Len Wein | Art by Kelley Jones
Publisher: DC Comics
Dave: I don’t know what’s more grotesque, the intestines on the outside of his body or his shoddy joke.
Dog: Intestines? I thought he was incubating Fabergé spider eggs.
Nick: Swamp Thing is made of silly string and corn cobs?
Man Vs. Rock: Trump did the same thing to pull himself together after the Iowa Caucus.
Lisa: I am pretty sure I ate something that looked like that last night at a Thai restaurant.
Patrick!: Look, we’ve all eaten at Taco Bell and had to do this. This is NOT the hard way. Sidenote though, can someone check on Len Wein? Man loves to have people get torn to bits and then heal themselves.
👙Let’s talk about sex…baby? Sexytime of the week 🏩
Written by Tim Daniel | Art by Mehdi Cheggour
Publisher: 215 Ink
Dave: Joanne has HPV but a great ass. A tragic combo…
Nick: That’s some hella bad backne.
Dog: Well did you actually READ the label on the “Head and Grotesquely Mutated Shoulders” bottle? “Slight monsterification” is clearly listed as a possible side effect.
Lisa: I can hear Tim Gunn now, “Charlize Theron would never wear a purple, tentacle cowl.”
Patrick!: Remember Coneheads? Remember the weirdly cute daughter who was dating Chris Farley? Yeah, this is what Cone/Human hybrids look like. YOU’VE KILLED US ALL.
Man Vs. Rock: Urban Dictionary defines “Da Purple Charleston Steamer” as: when a woman punches a guy in the balls until they are purple and then she injects radioactive mutant semen into his scrotum while he writhes in pain. Only Jack Kirby has ever been able to really draw it right.
💉 Is that blood? Gore of the week 💀
Mystery Girl #3
Written by Paul Tobin | Art by Alberto Alburquerque
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Patrick!: SHIT BULLETS! THEY’RE SHOOTING DOGS WITH SHIT BULLETS!
Dave: The “James Bond” sequel to the Grumpy Cat film really drove home the idea that cats hate dogs.
Lisa: Coming up at eleven: Tragedy struck when the Baha Men were filming the video for their comeback song, “Who Let the Sled Dogs Out?”
Man Vs. Rock: The comic debut of Michael Vick didn’t go as smoothly as the editors had hoped.
Nick: …and in case you were still wondering, the mammoths are fresh because they came from Kroger.
Dog: Certified antibiotic-free, because they died 4,000 years before Alexander Fleming was born!
God is Dead #47
Written by Mike Costa | Art by Jacen Burrows
Dave: He may speak with the voice of God, but few knew Metatron couldn’t dodge a wrench so he certainly couldn’t dodge a ball*.
*Also known as spear in God language.
Lisa: Soiled flagstones of eternity? No problem! ShamWow is perfect for every situation.
Nick: …and that, boys and girls, is when American Idol finally went too far.
Dog: Being naked was the LEAST weird thing about the first Olympic javelin competitors.
Man Vs. Rock: His boyfriend shows up all irate and yells: “oh, so now you suddenly know how to deep throat!”
Patrick!: Hold up. You mean to tell me there are 46 other issues of this, but NextWave is still on hiatus? The world is cruel.