With WonderCon having just taken place in Los Angeles last weekend; and, more importantly, Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice coming out last week, and even more importantly, my ongoing 10 Count! series in which I’m booking fantasy WrestleMania cards based on different pop culture mediums, I bring you the ultimate comic book fictional wrestling card. Which is way better than anything Marvel’s Unlimited Class Wrestling Federation has ever put on.
10. Ape X (Marvel Apes) vs. Luchadores 5 (Lucha Libre)
This is right up the Luchadores 5’s alley. They’re used to taking on non-human opponents. If they can handle werewolves and a mild mannered Gojira, they should be able to handle themselves well against a gorilla luchador. As long as Ape X keeps from getting unmasked, he’ll be able to use his super-human strength to fend off the Luchadores.
9. La Mano del Destino (La Mano del Destino) vs. The Holy Terror (The Holly Terror) vs. El Muerto (The Amazing Spider-Man)
All three of these men gained their powers from their lucha libre masks once they put them on. While The Holy Terror and La Mano del Destino’s masks carry supernatural implications, El Muerto’s mask does give him super human strength. El Muerto is also the only rudo in this match, which might either work against him, or work to his advantage depending on how he’s able to play The Holy Terror and La Mano del Destino against each other, considering they have their own actual demons to battle. Of course, this match is also a triple-threat, lucha de apuestas.
8. Silver Angel (The Strain) vs. Rex Hauser (The Nail)
Two creations from visionary film directors and creative types, Guillermo del Toro and Rob Zombie. Both wrestlers are also representative of a different era, with Rex Hauser’s roots embedded in 70’s era grindhouse films and Silver Angel as a throwback to the old El Santo Mexploitation horror films. So we’re looking at a gritty, old school type of brawl. Silver Angel will have to rely less on his high-flying lucha attack and more on his vampire-killing skills to defeat Rex Hauser, before Hauser can beat him to a bloody pulp.
7. Sonambulo (Sonambulo) vs. El Zombo Fantasma (El Zombo Fantasma)
Two luchadores brought back from the dead to protect the innocent and now, beat the crap out of each other. El Zombo Fantasma will have to contend with Sonambulo’s mind games, aka his ability to see his dreams. That is, if luchadores stuck in purgatory can even dream. Sonambulo has made a career out of dealing with supernatural forces, so Fantasma doesn’t pose a different type of threat. Well, other than the fact that he’s also an undead luchador. This match might even have to be contested under a “Loser Goes to Hell” stipulation just to up the ante.
6. Mike Hartmann (Headlocked) vs Joe Somiano (Super Pro K.O.)
Despite their contrasting (visual) styles, the story of Mike Hartmann and Joe Somiano are very similar. As two rookies looking to make their mark in the world of professional wrestling, while dealing with the backstage politics, this match will prove which one of these young upstarts has the most heart and potential to make it in the industry.
5. El Tigre (Strongman) vs. El Gato Negro (El Gato Negro)
Two feline-based luchadores working to rid the streets of corruption collide inside the squared circle. El Tigre is the cagey veteran who had fallen by the wayside until he found a new sense of purpose. El Gato Negro is a legacy luchador with a chip on his shoulder. These two take the title of hero seriously so this will most likely play out as a competitive, technical match-up, instead of an all-out brawl. Expect a handshake between the two when it’s all said and done.
4. Eric Layton (Swerve) vs. Dan Knossos AKA The Minotaur (Ringside)
Another grizzled veteran (Dan Knossos) versus newcomer (Eric Layton) match. Despite the differences in their wrestling experience, these men operate similarly outside the ring. Their questionable personal practices won’t be on display for the world to see, but it will definitely inform the way they handle themselves inside the ring. Win or lose, something tells me this match will keep going outside the arena once the show’s over.
3. Gina Bravo (Whoa, Nellie!) vs. Sakura Hagiwara (Wanna Be the Strongest…)
Two promising up-and-comers in the world of women’s wrestling. Sakura Hagiwara’s determination to prove that she’s more than just some pop star will definitely be her strongest asset. Gina Bravo is just as talented and primed to be a serious threat in the women’s division, if she can only develop a more serious mean streak. Gina has let her easy-going demeanor hold her back one too many times. Gina is going to have to show a different side if she plans to keep Sakura down for the count.
2. Tiger Mask (Tiger Mask) vs. Kinnikuman (Kinnikuman)
Two legendary manga Japanese pop culture icons go head-to-head. Kinnikuman is used to wrestling on an intergalactic level against inhuman specimens, but Tiger Mask is Tiger Mask. Plus, Kinnikuman isn’t really the thinking man’s wrestler. Both the Kinniku Buster and Tiger Suplex are powerful signature moves, whoever can hit their move first will surely be declared the winner. Maybe. Nowadays, it usually takes hitting your finisher at least twice to put away somebody in a marquee match-up like this one.
1. Crusher Hogan (The Amazing Spider-Man) vs Bane (Batman ’66)
The main event. DC Comics vs. Marvel. It’s like WWE vs. WCW without it being watered down or one company specifically being made to look inferior. I’m going with the Batman ’66 version of Bane given that lucha libre was a big part of his introduction, backstory, and look. Also, because regular super villain Bane is so juiced up that he would squash Crusher Hogan like he was SD Jones. Crusher might actually have a chance against Mexican luchador Bane, but he might want to keep from putting up any money, just to play it safe.