Last week’s 90 minute episode of The Walking Dead was kind of terrible. This week, we travel to the Hilltop Community to see what Maggie and Sasha are up to…and to hopefully witness a more enjoyable hour of television (with a lot less commercials).
The episode opens with Maggie waking up at the Hilltop. She learns that her baby is still alive, but the Hilltop doctor advises her to rest and stay put for a while.
Later, Maggie goes out to visit Abraham and Glenn’s graves with Sasha. Jesus—the character from last season who you almost forgot about—reminds us all what a good guy he is by talking about the flowers he’s leaving at the gravesites.
Before things can get any sappier, Hilltop mayor Gregory shows up and begins pitching a fit that two Alexandrians are still inside his walls. He wants them gone so that Negan won’t think he colluded with them. He also makes a complete ass out of himself by telling Maggie he doesn’t care what the doctor said and that it’s “her fault” for getting pregnant.
Jesus is able to negotiate a one-night extension, but after that, Mayor McDouchebag insists that they leave.
Stay on Target
Back in Alexandria, One-Eyed Carl argues with his dad over their “deal” with the Saviors while he attempts to throw darts, missing the board entirely. The symbolism here is about as subtle as a Viagra commercial.
After Rick and Aaron leave for a supply run, Carl decides he should do something about this whole Negan issue. But first, he attempts to talk Enid out of leaving Alexandria (again) to go see Maggie. Predictably, she doesn’t listen, goes out on her own, and uh…gets spooked by a lone walker in the middle of a wide-open road?
Seriously? One walker shows up and Enid turns into every girl who gets killed first in every horror movie. Isn’t this the same character who survived in the wild on nothing but turtle meat and passive aggressive fortitude last season?
Anyway, Carl saves the day running over the walker in a car he stole, which he promptly crashes into a barricade. I’m starting to think these two deserve each other.
As Jesus helps Maggie and Sasha prepare for bed, Sasha lights him up for not taking a stand against Gregory. Jesus responds by saying he doesn’t want to lead. Before she can really let him have it for being such a pushover, he gives her Abraham’s necklace. It seems sweet, but it’s kind of a dick move. Did Jesus have it the whole time and decide to give it to Sasha only after she’d back him into a corner?
Later that night, Sasha and Maggie are awakened by loud music coming from a car parked outside the gates, which are wide open. There are also fires lit everywhere and walkers pouring into the Hilltop. Maggie begins marshaling a resistance while Sasha and Jesus go out into the fray and start kicking ass. Maggie then gets into a tractor and rumbles over to crush the musical car flat.
During this action sequence, three things become abundantly clear:
- The Hilltop Community would have been overrun without Maggie and Sasha’s help.
- Jesus is a good fighter, but some of his moves (particularly his zombie kicks) were so ridiculous they would have made Chuck Norris blush.
- Someone purposefully set this whole thing up.
Rolling Down the Road
Since Carl’s an idiot and destroyed his car to kill one zombie, he and Enid are forced to walk together to the Hilltop. She eventually figures out that Carl wasn’t just out for a random drive when he saved her—he’s going to the Hilltop for his own (unstated) reasons. Carl also finally apologizes for locking her in the armory.
Later, the pair randomly find two pairs of roller skates—which fit both of them perfectly! I’m sorry, but I’ve got to call B.S. on that. Back in my elementary school days, you had to try at least three pairs before finding a comfortable pair of skates. I can suspend my disbelief for the dead rising, but this is absurd.
GTA X: Rural Run Around
Gregory is in the middle of another hissy fit when Simon and the Saviors show up. He panics and tells Sasha and Maggie to hide in the closet.
Gregory and Simon then proceed to preen and grimace at each other for what feels like half an hour. We also learn that Simon and the Saviors were the ones who unleashed the zombie attack on the Hilltop, all in the name of uh…reminding us that they are terrible people or something (I think).
After a while, Gregory decides to try and sell Maggie and Sasha out. Fortunately, Jesus remembered his boss was a spineless douche canoe and hid them in another closet.
After the Saviors leave, Jesus officially takes the wheel from Gregory. Maggie then does something we’ve all wanted to do and punches Gregory in the face. She also insists that he start addressing her by name: Maggie (yeah!) Rhee (awww).
Carl and Enid reach the Hilltop and see the Saviors loading up their trucks. Enid tries to convince Carl not to do anything stupid by giving him a kiss. She clearly underestimated how hormones react to being stimulated, because Carl still goes off to do something stupid.
Enid meets up with Maggie and Sasha, where they all share a nice moment together. Meanwhile, Carl and Jesus happen upon each other as they both stow away one of the Saviors’ supply trucks.
Is it Good?
It’s bad enough that Gregory is as unlikable as a hemorrhoid. But then you have Simon, who makes Negan look like a nuanced statesman. Half the episode consisted of these two arguing, which felt like watching a sadistic Walmart store manager berate a burned out night shift cashier.
When you combine that with Jesus’ ridiculous zombie kung fu and the Carl/Enid “romance,” this was already a pretty bad episode. But then you also have to consider the fact that NOTHING HAPPENED.
Oh sure, we learned that Maggie’s baby was okay (which we already assumed), but did we really need a one-hour reminder of how terrible the Saviors are? Hasn’t that already been repeatedly established?
At least the ending looked like it might yield an interesting new plotline. As of right now, however, the show’s narrative is getting beat down harder than Abraham and Glenn’s skulls.