Watching movies is one of the best ways to spend your time. With all the channels and streaming options it is also easier than it has ever been before. Movies can make you laugh, cry, and frustrate you. They are good to throw on in the background when you are busy and they can be great fluff when you want to turn off your brain. Best of all, you can enjoy them with others and share your opinions are you can watch them by yourself to get away from everyone. Unfortunately, there are people who can ruin even the most enjoyable movie experience. Here are the worst people to watch movies with.
A person who refers to themselves as a “self-described” anything is usually a person you want to avoid having too many conversations with. (Watching The History Channel a few times a month does not make you a history buff.) Arguably, the worst of these is the self-described cinephile. Films are a great hobby. Whether it is the acting, storytelling, or more technical aspects, there is so much to enjoy about a movie. It may sound silly, but it is really easy to get caught up in the magic of movies.
That being said, watching the latest art house releases or obscure indie movies does not automatically make a person a cinephile. By the strictest definition, a cinephile is someone who not only loves cinema but also enjoys examining the medium as a whole in their critiques of film. A cinephile now seems to be a person who watches French New Wave films while pretentiously questioning your tastes. That’s great that you like Akira Kurosawa, but why does it bother you so much that I love Bachelor Party?
This one is not much different from the cinephile. In today’s world of social media posts and blogs, writing up your thoughts about a movie and putting them out for the entire world to see can be done at the push of a button. This can be a great since we are now exposed to many different ideas, opinions, and theories. There is nothing wrong with sharing your reviews on Instagram, but is it necessary to review Aquaman while I am watching it? It is one thing to riff on a movie with a bunch of friends. It is another thing to have a person explain to you what they hate about a particular scene, while you are watching it. It’s not that your opinion does not matter, it just means a whole lot less when I am trying not to listen to you.
The Know it All
The cinephile can defend their actions due to their love of film while the critic is just doing what comes natural. There is no excuse for being a know it all. Not into movies enough to know about smaller films and too lazy to write or record a review, the know it all will talk throughout a movie and explain things to you. Using terms like “practical effects” or dropping names like Lars Van Trier, the know it all seems to have a constant need to impress you while at the same time showing how much more than know. In the end, they just ruin the whole movie for you.
Movies are subjective. One person’s Holmes & Watson is another person’s Into the Spider-Verse. The judge will not accept that we all have different tastes. Instead, they will ask your opinion, want you to defend it, question how you would do things differently, then end up telling you how you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with a spirited debate. Hearing different takes is part of the fun of movies. But I really do not need to hear why one person’s opinion is more correct. It does not bother me you don’t like Dario Argento’s Suspiria, and I don’t feel the need to give you a detailed breakdown as to why I do.
The Net Hound (Similar: The Me and My Friend Were Talking person)
1/ Dear Twitter: When a movie as amazing as A DARK SONG exists, you need to tell me about it IMMEDIATELY. How am I just now watching it?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 5, 2018
As mentioned above, the internet is a great way to share opinions. The net hound will take things too far. After first seeing a movie, you will get their only genuine reaction. From there on it is a stream of ideas they have read about online. This is not to say it is a bad idea to read deeper into a movie. Some film’s require more research due to a twist ending, or having a deeper meaning, or just being plain confusing. And there is certainly nothing wrong with coming around on a film once you have a better understanding of it.
The net hound’s change is not so much do to a better understanding than it is a good memory. A net hound will find a theory or opinion they like online and will proceed to tell it to you verbatim as if it is their own. Whether it contradicts what they told you an hour earlier does not matter. Someone put it on the internet and it must be repeated. Even worse is when the analysis found online is from someone involved in the film. At this point, it is not just regurgitating someone else’s opinion, but reciting one that is very biased. I’m sure what Patton Oswalt had to say is interesting and funny, but I can just read his Tweet also.