On the bright side, we get a Rat King cameo, so there’s that to look forward to. Some other recurring characters, like Don Turtelli and the Neutrinos also show up and there are some surprising nods to continuity, as well (though they create some discontinuity at the same time, as is this show’s way). And if it’s any further consolation, this batch of episodes contains pretty much the last of the truly awful episodes for the season. The next and final season 3 article is essentially all good stuff. But before I can get there, I have to get through this…

The Turtle Terminator (written by David Bennett Carren and J. Larry Caroll)

Shredder has Irma kidnapped and replaced with a robot doppelganger named the Turtle Terminator. However, whenever the robot hears the word “turtle” it starts blasting everything in sight, including everyone at the Channel 6 Building.

Hoo boy. Way back when I started my season 3 reviews, I mentioned that the animation in this season could get so incompetent that you’re scarcely left with a clue as to what’s happening on screen. Well, this episode is exactly what I had in mind when I said that.

“The Turtle Terminator” appears to have been done by that squash-n-stretch studio, but when I say “done”, I don’t mean “completed”. Because this episode is lousy with unfinished animation. There’s a moment where Irma steps on Shredder’s foot and he’s supposed to be hopping on one leg going “ouch, ouch” etc, but the animation for that scene wasn’t completed. So while the audio track has Shredder hopping and screaming, the “animation” consists of still frames of Bebop, Rocksteady and Irma supposedly reacting to the sight we aren’t seeing (and those still frames are just headshots from earlier animation). The same thing happens again a few minutes later. Rocksteady drops a bunch of paint cans on the Turtles so that Shredder can escape in a driller module. The animation stops and freezes as Shredder starts to close the door to the module and we get a weird still frame of the pile of paint cans as the audio track matches the animation we SHOULD be seeing (the door closing and the driller module tunneling away).

It’s pretty horrible, is what I’m saying.

And yet, there are moments in “The Turtle Terminator” that actually look pretty good. There’s a great multiplane establishing shot of the sewer lair at the start of the episode, for example. Most other studios just do a pan of a background painting, making the multiplane effect used by this studio really stand out. There’s also lots of the super expressive animation typical of this squash-n-stretch studio (sorry, but they go unnamed in the credits) and moments where there are a lot of frames during action sequences. Sure, most of it is really choppy and awkward, but the handful of seconds that look good, look really good (like when the Turtle Terminator turns on Shredder and Krang at the end and chases them off).

The episode’s animation is just this weird combination of awful and decent with a lot of mediocre in-between that really throws you off. It’s just a mess. And to top it all off, Thom Pinto substitutes as Raphael and Greg Berg substitutes as Donatello and Bebop again, so the damn thing doesn’t even *sound* right.

As for the story, well, it’s an Irma spotlight. I hate Irma and the rest of the Channel 6 cast, so naturally this wasn’t my cup of tea. Irma’s bumbling around at the villains’ HQ was kind of amusing, but the gag goes on way too long and crosses over into tediously annoying territory. In a surprise nod to continuity, Burne’s girlfriend Tiffany, last seen at the beginning of the season in “20,000 Leaks Under the City” gets a name drop. We’ll never see her again, but at least the writers are keeping the ancillary character’s love life straight.

The Great Boldini (written by Francis Moss)

When the phony magician Boldini steals a priceless emerald from the museum, the TMNT take the rap. While the Turtles run from the cops, Zach and his friend Caitlin try to steal the emerald back from the real crooks: Don Turtelli and the Rat King.

Great. Zach. Because I’m sure we were all counting the minutes until that little puke showed up again. This time he’s flanked by his own sidekick (a sidekick for the kid sidekick?) in the form of Caitlin. She doesn’t leave much of an impression, honestly, but I’ll take “fades into the scenery” over “makes me want to break things” any day of the week.

Don Turtelli makes a third and final appearance in the series. I’m not sure why they wrote him out of the show after this episode, as the writers would continue to introduce other recurring mob boss and gangster characters such as Pinky McFingers and Big Louie that could have just as easily been Turtelli in any of their scripts. Heck, Turtelli was himself an inexplicable replacement for the previous mob boss villain, Tony “The Butcher” Vivaldi. So instead of getting one well-developed gangster villain in the show, we get four interchangeable and uninteresting gangster villains. “Quantity over quality” at its finest.

Of course, with the return of Don Turtelli comes his gimmick: Tickling people as a form of torture. I’ve commented on this before, but it just seems kind of gross and creepy now that I’m an adult and the internet has taught me that “getting tied up, blindfolded and tickled with feathers” is a fetish. It’s especially unsettling when he commits his tickling crimes on children, as in this episode. Gah. Just talking about it makes me feel dirty. Let’s move on.

The Rat King! Hooray! I love that guy! Sadly, Wise kind of shoehorns him in for no discernible reason and he actually adds little to the story. As a matter of fact, once he sets the climate controls in the museum to “indoor blizzard” (yep), he completely vanishes from the story like he was never in it at all. No comeuppance, no being defeated, not even a reference as to “where’d the Rat King go?” He just up and disappears. I get the feeling he was a late addition to the script and the ending wasn’t rewritten to account for his involvement. Another case of Wise putting too many plots into one episode and not developing them properly, but I’ll let this one slide. It’s the Rat King, after all.

The Missing Map (written by David Wise)

While visiting the Turtles, Zach’s brother Walt steals a map to the lair as well as a document that could reinstate Splinter as leader of the Foot Clan. Shredder immediately zeroes in on the teenager and Zach gets kidnapped and taken to the Technodrome in the chaos.

Two Zach episodes in a row. Boy, aren’t we lucky. Coming immediately after “The Great Boldini”, it sure seems like Zach is taking everybody he knows down to the TMNT’s “secret” lair. First Caitlin, now Walt, who next? Mom and dad?

The decision to bring back Walt (who had a small role in “Zach, the Fifth Turtle”) was a rather dubious one, but I guess Wise felt he could wring a story out of the kid. Walt’s voiced this time around by Townsend Coleman (he was voiced by Cam Clarke in his first appearance) and he’s just as bratty and cruel as before; again, making it very odd that Zach and the Turtles would invite him down to their secret lair. He eventually helps to undo the damage he causes and apologizes, leading to him being named “the Sixth Turtle”, because Lord knows we needed another one of those. Makes you wonder why Caitlin wasn’t named an honorary Turtle like Zach and Walt? I guess girls don’t count.

Wise fills this script with callbacks to older episodes which range from random to neat. The TMNT’s scrapbook (where the map and documents are kept) contains mementos from earlier adventures, like a photo of Frip the Polarizoid and a calling card from Lotus Blossom. Perhaps a bit too random of a callback, though, is the inexplicable use of the Techno Rovers in place of the Driller Modules. In case you don’t recall, the Techno Rovers were the tanks used way back in season 1 and haven’t been utilized since. How a vehicle with no roof or drillbit can tunnel through the Earth’s crust, I’ve no idea.

Wise also fills this one up with too many subplots, a setback of his writing I’ve harked on before (earlier in this article, as a matter of fact). Along with the map to the lair, Walt also steals a document that could exonerate Splinter of the attempted murder charge that got him banished from the Foot Clan during his Hamato Yoshi days. Exactly what was in that document is never stated. In fact, the document plays no part in the episode whatsoever and isn’t even mentioned at the end when the map is recovered by Raphael.

Why Wise even opted to include it is bewildering for a number of reasons. Chiefly among them is the fact that the Foot Clan is just a bunch of robots now, so who cares? The Turtles make a big ado about the document at the beginning of the episode, thinking that Shredder would do anything to get it from Splinter (lest he lose command of the Foot Clan). But, I reiterate, who the heck are they going to show it to? There are no more human members of the Foot Clan anymore, or if there are we never see them. It’s almost as if halfway through the episode, Wise realized “wait, this is stupid” and promptly ignores the whole “Foot Clan evidence” thing, which is why it doesn’t get mentioned at the end.

The episode’s also rather ugly to look at. It appears to have been done by a Japanese studio (they spell the “animation” wall scroll right, which is a usual giveaway), but not by the good Japanese studio that’s done the better looking episodes from this season. The framerate is choppy and it’s full of bandana coloring errors and voices applied to the wrong characters.

There also seems to have been a scene that got cut from the script for either time or animation costs, but a reference to it was left in. Shredder is seen wandering around the sewers, looking for Walt before the story transitions to one of the other subplots. When next we see Shredder, he’s given up on finding Walt, citing “an oil spill” as having set him back. WHAT oil spill? A glob of goo falls on his head while he’s traipsing around the tunnels, sure, but nothing approaching an “oil spill.”

Wise does this all the time and you’ll notice it in other cartoons he writes for. There’s a Transformers episode, “The Key to Vector Sigma, Part 1”, where Optimus Prime is wandering around the depths of Cybertron and mentions a “blast” caused by Megatron to slow him down. But no such thing happens in the episode.

Apparently, Wise was a writer who didn’t believe in second drafts. That’s okay. I hear Shakespeare was the same way.

The Gang’s All Here (written by James A. Davis)

When Michelangelo gets poisoned by some anti-mutagen, he’s transformed into a human teenager. With his new disguise, he helps April infiltrate Bebop and Rocksteady’s old gang so they can stop them from stealing an electronics shipment.

Apparently, anti-mutagen works however the writer wants it to work. In “Shredder & Splintered” and “Splinter No More” it was supposed to revert all mutants back to their original form (as the name would imply). In “Michelangelo’s Birthday”, it had the weird effect of inflating the Turtles into balloons. And in this episode it turns Michelangelo into a human being. Is it really “anti” mutagen if it mutates him into a completely different creature? And odd that Splinter wasn’t even remotely tempted to eat one of the “cookies that will turn you into a human”, but I guess he got the desire to be normal again out of his system in “Splinter No More”.

Writer James A. Davis just doesn’t seem to have a very strong grasp on this universe or its characters. In addition to the whole anti-mutagen thing, the episode erroneously claims that the TMNT’s “ninja powers” come from their mutation and Michelangelo loses all martial arts abilities once he becomes human. I’m kind of left wondering if Davis thought that the Turtles were humans before mutating and got their “ninja powers” from the mutagen? The script really seems to point to Davis having not read the series bible before writing the thing.

And speaking of the script, “The Gang’s All Here” really feels like two scripts crammed together. There’s a story about Michelangelo adapting to human life and a story about April trying to infiltrate Bebop and Rocksteady’s old gang. Either one could have carried an entire episode on its own, but when combined the result is two half-formed ideas that never meet their full potential. Heck, the title of the episode is dedicated to the less interesting of the two plots and gives no hint of the main focus (Mikey becoming human).

As for the gang, they’re an unexpected callback to season 1, but a callback that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. When last seen, Shredder was keeping them locked up in cages within the Technodrome, experimenting on them with mutagen (“Shredder & Splintered”). When the Technodrome gets sucked into Dimension X, they’re never heard from again. Until now, that is. I guess at some point off screen during that episode the Shredder… de-mutated them and let them all go free? They don’t seem to recognize Bebop and Rocksteady’s mutant forms and none of the members are drawn with the same character models as the gang members seen in season 1, so perhaps these are just different members who weren’t in the Technodrome at all? Heck if I know. But they’ll appear again in a later episode, “Once Upon a Time Machine”, so we still haven’t seen the last of them.

As one final aside, the fourth live-action TMNT feature film that got scrapped in the development stage would have included a subplot in which Michelangelo gains the ability to transform into a human being. A coincidence, I’m sure.

The Grybyx (written by Michael Reaves)

When Kala’s pet grybyx escapes from Dimension X, it uses its psychokinetic powers to wreak havoc on New York. The Turtles and Neutrinos try to recapture it, but Shredder and Krang plan to use the critter’s powers to raise the Technodrome.

You know a cartoon is fresh out of ideas when it resorts to bland movie parodies. In this case: Gremlins. Michael Reaves works some funny dialogue into the episode, but the base plot is pretty weak. He warps some of the “rules” behind the Gremlin films, from feeding the grybyx to getting it wet and it’s all pretty standard stuff. One of Reaves’s weaker scripts and he was usually one of the show’s better writers.

The Michelangelo/Kala thing is once again in full swing, but as with every other Neutrino guest appearance, it doesn’t go anywhere beyond awkward flirting and blushing between the two. If you’re going to introduce a romance into a series, at least try and develop it a little, guys. It’s the same shtick in every Neutrino episode.

The squash-n-stretch animation studio handles this one, and as usual, that invites the same old pros and cons. Their background art is some of the best in the show (some of the time, anyway), as they paint one of best-looking sewers we’ve seen. Other moments are crude as hell (puffs of smoke when a Foot Soldier explodes) and there are plenty of errors, from voices mismatched to the wrong character to an awkward bit where Bebop throw a pistol into the air and the grybyx proceeds to catch a rifle. Still, there’s a short but sweet moment where Shredder and Leo square off in the sewers and the animation on their battle is really well done (though looped to pad it out).

Anyway, even by Neutrino episode standards, this one wasn’t very good. Really bland and forgettable stuff with a phoned in script. It would be remade almost completely for a future Neutrinos episode, “Four Turtles and a Baby”, just a season later. Was there no depth to which this cartoon wouldn’t sink?

Mister Ogg Goes to Town (written by David Wise)

After Krang opens a portal to Dimension Z, he releases Mr. Ogg, an obnoxious midget with god-like powers. Krang and Shredder trick the little nuisance into attacking the Turtles while they try to steal a tanker of oil.

Déjà vu, anybody? This is basically the exact same set-up as the previous episode: “unassuming creature from another dimension comes to Earth and uses its super powers to wreak havoc on the city.” Except this time instead of a Gremlins parody, we’ve got a Peewee Herman parody. What was that I was saying about the depths this show would sink to…?

The Mr. Mxyzptlk archetype is hardly new and a LOT of cartoons and comics have knocked the character off. Wise’s Mr. Ogg is a pretty wholesale ripoff and man is he annoying. I mean, I don’t mind when a show does the cliché well, but this isn’t one of those occasions. Wise can’t even seem to think of a lot of interesting things for Ogg to do with his powers; halfway through the episode, he just starts transmuting everything into ice cream because Wise apparently ran out of imagination.

Donatello’s pandimensional portal generator from “Usagi Yojimbo” makes a comeback in this episode as a convenient means of dispatching Ogg at the end. What doesn’t make sense at the end, though, is that Krang and Shredder succeed in stealing a tanker of crude oil, but claim the substance is useless for powering the Technodrome unless they can use Ogg to transmute it into liquid hydrogen. Granted, I don’t think they’ve stolen oil before in the series as a fuel source, but they’ve tried to steal just about everything ELSE that I can’t believe they’re unable to use oil as a means for powering the Technodrome. It’s not like liquid hydrogen is the ONLY thing capable of powering the base, as has already been demonstrated all season long.

So yeah, we end this batch of episodes on a pretty sour note. All things considered, this was the worst bunch I’ve had to review for this season in a while. Luckily, the next five episodes that conclude season 3 are pretty good. We’ll have the return of Baxter Stockman, a visit to an alternate future and an epic 3-part finale to look forward to. Season 3 is nearly behind us. Just one more article to go.

The Green Team: Teen Trillionaires #1 (DC Comics)

Prince Mohammed Gahtanii’s father was invited to check this little expo where the latest in gadgetry and science are being shown off. The expo itself was created by the Green Team, which consists of the richest teenagers in the world. His father refuses and Mohammed decides to go instead, to see if he can learn anything from it and prove to his father his own worth. While there, he meets the teens and ends up causing some big trouble when he tweets about the location of where the expo is being taken place.

Like accidently leading this odd fella to the location.

This is probably the most different and unique of any DC comic right now, including The Movement. It really does not feel like this comic takes place in the DC universe with absolutely no mention of superheroes or superpowers going on in here. While that could turn people off a little bit, I find it quite refreshing and it helps separate it from the other comics as its own thing.

Besides its own uniqueness and the interesting villain that pops up towards the end, nothing else is particularly amazing. It’s all fine mind you, but it does not really grab you right off the bat. The characters are all introduced, but most of them could use a bit more development. It’s a very wordy and dialogue-heavy comic, but its only really average stuff. Also, besides the villain, I’m not sure of where this comic will be going from what was presented. I’m hoping the second issue spells out a clearer direction for where these characters will be going.

Weirdo? Considering all of you, he’s probably the most normal teen here.

The art for the comic is very good and it has a cartoony feel in a way with the expression and movements of the characters. It’s a good style, but if going for that, this comic could stand to be a bit funnier since it’s really lacking in the humor department. Besides that though, everything is definitely appealing and great to look at. However, when the comic pulls back from people, it starts getting less detailed and people begin to look pretty odd.

What’s going on with the girl in the pink shirt’s face?!

7.5

• A very different kind of DC comic.
• The artwork is very nice.
• The writing is decent.

• The characters need more developing.
• A clear direction within the comic is needed.
• Does not really pick up till halfway through.

Is It Good?

It’s enjoyable, but not particularly amazing first start for the Green Team comic. If it develops the characters more, adds in more humor, and also gives the comic a clear direction, we could easily have probably one of the more surprising standouts in terms of uniqueness for DC. Let’s keep our eyes on it and hope it gets better from here.

Avengers #12 (Marvel Comics)

After taking some of the kids from the Garden Site in the Savage Land, Iron Man decides to get some of the Avengers together to help teach and integrate the new kids into the world. So they all go on a field trip to the Savage Land, do some minor teaching, melodramatic dialogue is exchanged by many, and something happens on the last two pages. Like #9 and pretty much every issue of this run, that’s it and frankly, it’s really not much.

Yes, watch those kids get carried off. It’s not like any of you superheroes can do anything to stop this.

Having read the last two issues and now this one, this comic still suffers from being extremely slow. Hell, sometimes you feel like nothing has been accomplished at all at the end of an issue as well and you’re left wondering what the point was of what you just read. This comic has a bit of that problem, since nothing really happens until the final page and points you even wonder if this will mean anything. This issue really feels has little going for in terms of plot advancement or character, besides maybe some stuff from Hyperion.

Oh dear god, the cheese on the last line.

Like I brought up in the beginning, we have a new co-writer aboard with Nick Spencer. Apparently he did the dialogue and some plot points from what I heard. Honestly though, it still reads like the last few issues. I don’t see a writing difference at all except for two scenes, so I don’t see his inclusion as a much of a difference. What I did notice that felt different was the scene between Thor and the kids about him telling them about one of the older Asgardian tales, which was a legitimately enjoyable.

The other involved Spider-Woman and Hawkeye, though it makes them out to terrible babysitters if anything.

4.5

• The artwork is nice.
• The Avengers were given some focus this issue.
• The scene with Thor and the kid was very enjoyable.

• Plot still stretched thin and not very memorable.
• The addition of a second writer has changed very little.
• The dialogue can be boring and melodramatic.

The art for this comic is fine. The penciling, the inking, the coloring, and the layouts are all just fine, but that is it. It’s just average work that does not do anything to either impress or be memorable for the reader, but it doesn’t do anything particularly awful either. The only thing I can really comment on is that I couldn’t tell that was Hawkeye right off the bat until he was holding his bow later on.

Is It Good?

Not really. While the issue was certainly better than usual, it really continues the boring and uneventful trend of dragging the story out and accomplishing little or nothing in an issue. With the new event, Infinity, that is extremely important apparently, this comic is going to need to get moving and show why any of this stuff is actually important.

Green Lantern #20 (DC Comics)

Volthoom has the Guardians right he wants them in his little trap, Hal Jordan has died and is about to rise again, and Sinestro is going yellow. There are so many things going on here that it’s hard to condense everything into a single paragraph without giving any more away than that. Let’s just say it’s completely epic and one hell of a ride from start to finish.

There were a lot of things and I do mean a lot! Almost every hanging plot thread seems to be wrapped up here, some final bits of character development that brings everyone’s arcs to their natural conclusions (at least as how they were presented throughout the entire run, mind you), and it also ends with some final wrap up pages that tell about most of the main characters’ fates at the end. With so much happening, it can be very tiring and ending it all on the final fight with one of the weakest villains in the run was probably not for the best.

It doesn’t help that he looks bored or tired throughout the issue.

However, despite the lackluster villain and the overwhelming amount of story content (some of which turns out to be pointless), this was still a damn good ending to Johns’ time on Green Lantern with how it all came together. Those final pages where the characters reunite and we get to see their endings were really emotional and felt incredibly satisfying to see everyone get what they truly deserved and earned in the end. Plus, the quotes from other authors and Geoff’s goodbye letter at the end were really the icing on the cake to this.

9.0

• An epic and satisfying conclusion
• The ending scenes are really heartwarming
• The art is just perfect and really gives the ending the right tone

• The First Lantern was ultimately very boring.
• A bit too much happening that can lead to some points being pointless.

The issue was drawn by Doug Mahnke (with the exception of a couple of pages) and it was really well done. The emotion, the action, the epic feel and tone presented, and even those huge full page and two page spreads. It’s all just beautiful to look at and some of Mahnke’s best work yet from what I’ve seen of him.

Is It Good?

Yes! It was extremely good and just a near perfect way to wrap up everything, while also leaving plenty of things on the table for the next writers to use (good luck to them). If you have been following this run since the beginning, prepare to be rewarded greatly for sticking it with to the very end.

Uncanny Avengers #8AU (Marvel Comics)

If you’re reading this and haven’t been reading the Age of Ultron series you’re shit out of luck. There’s a hell of a lot you’ll need to be caught up on. Just know that Ultron blew up the world, Wolverine killed Hank Pym and now there’s a new world. Not confusing…right? Okay, it is, and this issue takes it a step farther by showing us the Apocalypse twins as kids. They’re all grown up in the current story of Avengers, but here they are children and this issue sheds some light on Kang’s rearing of the super evil mutants.

…an egotistical shit who talks in the third person…

Maybe I’m crazy but Kang can transverse dimensions as well as time? I thought he was just a time traveller. Unless of course this is the first proof the Age of Ultron storyline is taking place in the 616 universe. No way to really tell considering Marvel hasn’t given us a scrap of info as to when or where it’s taking place. That said, Kang decides to teach his Apocalypse twins a lesson by sicking them on Colonel America. If they can kill them they learned a valuable lesson. I don’t know how, but whatever, just go with it.

Who talks like that?

Aside from the twins and their characters—which are incredibly well rendered in this issue I might add—all we really get is a couple tasty factoids about some of the heroes we haven’t seen in the main book yet. If you’re just dying to know where Havok has been and who he’s married to this is the book for you. If not, well…you do get some awesome Cap fighting! Really the meat of this issue is all about the twins, their personalities and their relationship to Kang. Not much has been said in this regard over in Avengers so it’s pretty important if you hold character development as a valuable thing. Now, if you’re just looking for the bang bang this still may be the best issue for you.

So that must hurt.

Andy Kubert is on art and he does a sweet job of it, especially considering this is just a lowly tie-in. Most tie-ins get the second tier artists because really, let’s be honest, this is just filler junk material. Not so here, as he lends his impeccably classic style to the issue. I’m not a big fan of his odd diagonal slicing panels and I’m not sure it really fits with this story, but it’s exciting and well rendered.

Wolverine reference it must be!

8.0

• Action packed story
• Neat details if you’re into elseworld stuff
• Good character development on the twins

• If Marvel throws this universe away this will mostly be throwaway stuff
• Cross hatching panels oddly don’t fit

Action, character development and some interesting twists. What more could you ask from a comic? Well, for starters, it’d be nice if a comic of this quality happened in a universe that actually mattered, but maybe it’s a little too early to say as such of this series. For what it’s worth it’s entertaining comics and that’s all that matters. If you don’t read Avengers you won’t find much to enjoy here and if you don’t read Age of Ultron either…well go buy a Dark Horse comic or something you weirdo.

Is It Good?

Yes. Come for the art and enjoy the character dev…if you read Avengers that is.

Uncanny X-Men Vol. 3 #6 (Marvel Comics)

Those just joining us, Angel from the past joined Cyclops, Magneto, Magik and Emma Frost’s new team which is also a new school named after Xavier. He joins a bunch of new mutants who recently acquired their powers after the Phoenix Force fixed things for mutants everywhere. Only one day has taken place, but Magik has lost control of herself to Dromammu in Limbo and teleported the whole team with her. Not good.

Just think of this as the Matrix and you’ll be good.

Writer Brian Bendis has done it again and given us a story we haven’t necessarily seen before. A bunch of green mutants stuck in a precarious position they aren’t trained for…wait, we’ve seen that before! Either way you can’t argue it’s not fun to read the banter. Bookending the Limbo-distressed heroes is an introduction to a person who just gained mutant powers as his girlfriend breaks up with him and an old school mutant joins S.H.I.E.L.D.

This is Cyclops losing his shit.

This is soap opera stuff through and through and if that’s not your cup of tea look elsewhere. The flipping opening is really just a breakup scene, only made more interesting with super powers. It’s a clever little respite from the main feature in Limbo and helps ground the fantastical story a bit.

Instead of gadgets like Batman, Magneto carries nails…also great for carpentry!

Okay…that looks ridiculous.

Now the art by Frazer Irving…let’s just say it’s awe inspiring. This guy has real chops when it comes to the dramatic department. Even a close up of the cuckoos is epic in tone and grace. Love his work here.

They see you!

8.5

• Epic art is epic
• Entertaining story no matter how you look at it

• The Limbo section is kind of predictable
• Slow as syrup story

When you’re in into the 6th issue and a character says, “This is our first day,” you know there’s a problem. Unless of course there’s time travel involved. Not so here, and while it’s an entertaining read it could really use a lot more happenings. It’s about character though and Bendis nails it.

Is It Good?

Yes. Comics are fun again…or were they always fun?

GFT Werewolves: The Hunger #1 (Zenescope Entertainment)

There are a few things in this issue that are straight up cliches, starting with the grizzled monster hunter chasing a werewolf into a camp of teenagers who are sinning it up with sex and booze. There is however an original idea afoot, focusing on a veterinarian who’s up to some shady animal business and forcing her interns to do bad things. Assuming the werewolf/hunter aspect isn’t too bad, we might have ourselves a good comic here.

Graahh! I learned my growl from London fools! Or was it Paris?

I demand they be nude in this shot, much like the cover!

Mark L. Miller does a great job with dialogue and pacing, keeping things moving but also the mystery alive. The book opens with a man wondering if he should have let his daughter go out, and when a werewolf literally storms through his living room in the direction of his daughter…well that’s just depressing, ain’t it? I would have enjoyed a bit more humor considering this is all ground we’ve tread before, but it works which is good enough for me. What pulls the reader along is the vet side story which ends up with a pretty nifty cliffhanger.

Who are these dudes and why do they call this old man not one but two names!

Elmer V. Cantada does a nice job with mood and atmosphere throughout. He takes some chances when it comes to composition too, which is helpful in kicking things up a notch. There are some awkward panels, particularly when a random SWAT team pops in, but overall things move smoothly along.

I’m not familiar with the grizzled old timer monster hunter, but aside from him losing his family I’m not sure you need to know much. I never once thought, “oh what’s his deal” and maybe that’s because he’s serving his purpose by simply blasting werewolves. Who needs character development when you got that?! There is an interesting moment he has which is made stronger by the composition of the page which you can see here:

7.0

• Werewolf looks great
• Interesting plotting afoot

• Some shoddy art here and there

I’m on board for this tie-in. I like the angle it’s taking, especially with a veterinarian who may or may not be doing some werewolf research. The grizzled monster hunter is just okay, but I’m willing to take his cliched character along for the ride if it means some werewolf prodding in the right direction.

Is It Good?

It ain’t bad if that’s what you’re asking. A good first issue.

Batman Incorporated #11 (DC Comics)

… aaaaaand, it’s Jiro, the Batman of Japan. Cool… I guess? So, uh, where are all the characters we’ve been reading about for the past year and what have you done with MechAzraelManBat, Morrison?

Oh. Turns out this issue was written by Chris Burnham, who’s usually on Batman Incorporated art duty. Seems like odd timing but let’s ditch the grousing and get to the reviewing, children.

As the cover implies, Jiro Osamu is Tokyo’s Batman, who has popped up from time to time in Morrison’s run. He’s having a little cyberspace rendezvous with his sidekick/love interest Canary when all of a sudden he gets called to duty: There are five color-coordinated track suit wearing, curvaceous motorcyclists causing a ruckus. Forget the fact that they’re bulletproof and super-strong, though:

Their most deplorable characteristic? They’re goddamn bullies:

Not everyone in Japan can afford acne cleansing medication, heartless wenches!

Battles rage. The fight scenes are well done and Jiro and Canary exhibit a nice variance in gadgets, ability, and methodology which make for an interesting departure from the Bat-family we’re so accustomed to.

The repartee between the combatants is clever in some instances and downright groanworthy in others. Your nine-year old cousin might really get a kick out of his new favorite phrase, “Promiscuous butt chunks” though, so there’s always that.

Fine, I almost breathed really hard out of my nose at this. You happy?

All the banter is made better however, if you juxtapose Jiro to Bruce Wayne in your head: Quips from the bad dudes in this issue actually get under Jiro’s skin, something that would never effect Bruce, so it’s amusing to think about how differently Jiro responds and how the real Batman might verbally shoot the villains down. Or ignore them like a stoic boss.

The whole issue evokes an Adam West Batman meets Super Sentai meets Manga vibe, with a smattering of post modern Jack Kirby-nodding thrown in for good measure. Also, Power Rangers with toilet humor. If a thing like that even makes sense. Of course, let’s not forget the fine job by Jorge Lucas, whose artwork fits the mood perfectly. Burnham stated that Jorge “is an absolute master at drawing outlandish Kirbyesque environments. The splash page of Jiro and Canary transforming gets me excited every time I see it.” Can’t say we disagree with him too much there. Bad-ass splash incoming:

Burnham’s design for Jiro ain’t too shabby. In an interview with ComicVine he admits the design is heavily influenced by Battle Kenya (complete with battle-scarf), a character from Battle Fever J, a Japanese Super Sentai series from 1980. Not quite as cool-looking as Battle Kenya, but not so bad it’s an eyesore either.

7.5

• Nice poppy, Golden Age art by Jorge Lucas.
• Genuinely fun little read.

• We want to see Morrison’s story.
• We have to wait yet another month to see Morrison’s story.

Is It Good?

Let’s face it, nobody besides Chris Burnham’s immediate family and possibly Jason David Frank wanted to see the contents of this issue over a continuation of last’s with Bruce Wayne, Thalia, and the gang.

It’s like paying for the championship match and then being told the main event is delayed for six hours and all that’s available in-ring is Hulk Hogan’s Micro Championship Wrestling and a twenty-pinfall Ironman Match between Barry “The Hand” Horowitz and Bastion Booger. (On second thought, I’d sadly watch the hell out of that.)

We feel cheated, sure. but this isn’t a bad little issue if you look at it from a standalone perspective. Skip it if you must, but you’ll be missing out on bonafide entertainment and… gasp, fun. And Hell… that’s what we want from our funny strips, isn’t it folks?

Superior Spider-Man #10 (Marvel Comics)

Last issue the (highlight for spoilers) blue Peter Parker ghost sharing a body with SpOck was completely erased. SpOck is now no longer impeded with the goodwill of his predecessor. This issue opens the morning after and boy is SpOck a happy camper.

That robot creeps me out.

One of writer Dan Slott’s strengths is his ability to drop small details in every issue that end up paying off later. A couple of issues ago it was revealed that Green Goblin is back in town, but hasn’t had much happening besides that reveal ever since. He makes an appearance this issue, yet still isn’t the main enchilada…yet. No, instead this issue spends most of its time showing how SpOck has succeeded as Peter Parker, although many folks will take umbrage with his definition of success.

Green Goblin decals. Subtle.

This issue shows how demented and deluded SpOck is when it comes to family and a good life. The man thinks it’s all aces, but his arrogance and unfamiliarity with family is clouding things. Just because he has the time to share dinner with Aunt May doesn’t mean he’s a success as Peter. A lot of his fixes appear to be creating new problems elsewhere, which only goes to show the original Peter Parker did his best and that may have been “superior” to what SpOck is doing now.

Is this Norman Osborn?

Even though SpOck killed Peter I still see Dan Slott writing about the old Peter Parker. We can see the character whenver SpOck does something wrong or immoral. The fact that he brutalizes his enemies can’t end well for him. It makes you think about how Peter’s joking manner and compassionate ways maybe saved him brutal beatings from his enemies as well. It’s made ever more obvious when we get a screaming match from J. Jonah Jameson and his father. J.J. thinks Spider-Man is better than ever, but is he when he’s running a fascist state?

It’s only “partially” crushed. See, he has morality!

The art by Ryan Stegman keeps things moving and when you consider how many balls are in the air every single issue you have to commend his ability to keep things clear. Instead of an action-packed superhero book we’re really getting a toothy serial soap opera and it helps when the art is this clear and concise.

It’s moments like these you realize you’re getting a quality comic.

8.0

• Enjoyable ongoing for the ongoing reader
• Rewarding story for those who pay attention

• You gotta pay the “Superior toll” to get it

Yet another solid issue from this series. It’s consistently entertaining and consistently rewards the reader who’s been following along. In the same sense, anyone just joining us will have plenty of things fly over their head. In that sense, this series sets itself apart from most comics these days. Most issues recap thoroughly or can be enjoyable even if you’re not following along. It’s a double edged sword then, that this is so good, but not for everyone.

Is It Good?

Yes. Consistently good reading.

The Lobster is gee, well, a swell throwback to those super fellas like The Spirit, The Shadow, and J Edgar Hoover. Hoover was a superhero, right? I heard he liked to dress up, but maybe I’m confused…

Lobster Johnson: Satan Smells a Rat (Dark Horse Comics)

With art by Kevin Nowlan, and written by Mignola and John Arcudi, Lobster Johnson: Satan Smells a Rat is fast paced. Seriously, check this panel out.

The story is pretty standard for a one shot. No one is really that memorable other than Tha Lobstah. But then, who can make even close to the same impression as a dude in yellow goggles who leaves claws on the heads of those he kills?

Nowlan has some sweet looking soggy dead people. His action sequences are quite fluid as well. And he should just go ahead and draw The Goon if Powell ever gets too lazy. Look at this guy below. Is that not The Goon?

8.0

• Fast paced, with great shoot outs
• Soggy dead people look cool, as does Lobster Johnson
• Throwback to the early super hero comic days when hot dogs cost the price of a woman

• Entirely forgettable, except for The Lobster
• Who is Satan?!

Is It Good?

As with most one shots of this nature, it seems like a having a one night stand while really drunk. Sure, it’s enjoyable, but the next day you can’t remember the majority of the events. And you hope you didn’t piss the bed while whatsherface was still sleeping next to you. And you wonder why you’re in a dress. It’s a little flowery for your taste, and you prefer an elegant evening gown. Uh, what I mean to say is, this comic goes by quick, and leaves little impression, but is still fun.

If you like The Lobster, and guys who look like The Goon, check out Satan Smells a Rat. Even if the title makes little sense. Who is Satan? Is it The Lobster? But he’s the good guy? And why do my sheets smell like piss again? Why am I in a dress? Was I playing J Edgar Hoover again last night?