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3 Second Movie Reviews

3 Second Movie Reviews of the Week: 12/16/11

Heeeyaaah! Welcome to Adventures in Poor Taste’s weekly movie review roundup. I’ll be posting a slathering of movie reviews each week to give folks a healthy helping of what’s good and not so good. New and old, the reviews cover anything from the pleasantly innocent Winnie The Pooh to disturbingly twisted Salo or the 120 Days of Sodom.

While critics and columnists cull up their top ten lists, which indubitably contain at least 8 movies that won’t be released until February, I’ve decided to share my best and worst films of 2011…so far! ::Queue bombastic drums beating and a single triangle chime::.

Martha Marcy May Marlene, January 2011

Ever wanted to passive-aggressively enact revenge on Danny Tanner? Well lead actress Elizabeth Olsen is not only the younger sister of the Olsen twins, but in this film she shows off her very own pair!

This film captures a damaged psyche incredibly well. The superb acting along with the sound and cinematography create an unnerving sense of anxiety and fear that grips you for every moment.

Grade: A

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, May 2011

While not as painful as the last, this film suffers the same problem as the previous films; it’s a cartoon and not a movie slowly bludgeoning the viewer until they realize they’re catatonic by films end. Truly a plot and pacing nightmare.

Grade: D-

Batman: Year One, October 2011

While only 1 hour it captures the comic perfectly. It’s also a great reminder how much Batman Begins stole from this classic comic story.

Grade: A-


Tree of Life, May 2011

It doesn’t get any more visceral than this. It has the same epic scope and feel as 2001: A Space Odyssey, but does it with more creative shots and complex plot. I can’t recommend this enough, but be forewarned this is not your typical narrative. You might call it a new age opera.

Grade: A

Everything Must Go, April 2011

More like, “Everything Must Move Slow.” Sad that Will Ferrell sustains nothing to remember.

Grade: D

When you’re sad the acting just drips right out of you. A fallacy.

Hanna, April 2011

A fairy tale adventure that’s dense with story. Music by Chemical Brothers. Nuff said.

Grade: A

Fast Five, April 2011

Everything is bigger in the fifth action-car-stravaganza! Bigger odds! Bigger action sequences! Bigger biceps! The flick is surprisingly soap operatic at times, but lets be honest, it’s a big dumb action movie. Exactly what we wanted!

Grade: A-

It even gave my wife a bigger bustline just from watching.

Terri, July 2011

Genuinely charming film about the awkwardness of adolescence. The film feels bigger because of the emotional resonance.

Grade: A-

Hesher, May 2011

Simply badass. This movie can be easily misunderstood, much like its heavy metal protagonist, but it’s a quality picture for what it does right and new. Sometimes all you need in life is to say screw it, do whatever feels right and fight.

Grade: A-

Warning: This image may make you pregnant.

Sucker Punch, March 2011

Just awful. You wait for explanations in every regard but the movie seems to think cool set pieces are all we need. You stop caring very quickly and you have no empathy for any of the characters. Watch this to see what it must feel like to be a psychopath.

Grade: F

Beginners, June 2011

If you feel something it has to be right. Creative story telling at its best.

Grade: A

Don’t let this image fool you. There is nothing French about this film.

Horrible Bosses, July 2011

It has its moments not due to the writing but the acting which is great across the board. Really Colin Farrell should have had a whole movie done on his balding ignorantly evil character. Fast forward to his parts.

Grade: D+

Midnight in Paris, June 2011

Has the fun and adventure of Vicky Cristina Barcelona with social commentary replacing the melodrama. Surprisingly sexual in nature, especially coming from the 76 year old Allen. A movie that’s definitely different fair. A good thing.

Grade: A

Warning: This image may make you pregnant.

Green Hornet, January 2011

What a terrible movie. Clearly director Michele Gondry, who is usually great, had a much more serious idea of the Seth Rogen written script. He brought slow building seriousness while the script had terrible jokes made worse by bad timing. The characters are not likable. The villain is good fun, and the action scenes bring in some neat special effects, but 15 minutes of bad guy banter and 2 decent action scenes a movie is not enough to make a good movie.

Grade: F

Proof losing weight ruins your creativity. Coincidence? I think not.

Bridesmaids, May 2011

One of the funniest movies I’ve seen in years. None of the jokes were cliched so it all felt extremely fresh. The story was compelling and it took some turns you wouldn’t expect. It felt a tad long, but it didn’t ruin the experience.

Grade: A-

That’s right, not a single super hero film not direct to DVD had a good grade. They were watched, but not anything in the A range. But the good news is there’s no way the world could end in 2012 with Avengers and Dark Knight Rises on the way. Unless that’s all part of the plan…


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