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3 Second Movie Reviews

3 Second Movie Review: 8/7/12

We’re in the dog days of summer, which means you should be chillin’ all cool in the AC (or being fanned by your servants like we do) watching movies! Whether it’s the theater or your AC’d living room there’s bound to be a flick worth your time and money. Welcome to 3 Second Movie Reviews, where we let you know which flicks to check out recently released on disc and in theaters.

In Theaters Now

Total Recall, (August 2012)

Genre: Action

So instead of motorboating – could we consider what we would do here… mega yachting?

This is wall to wall action with a sprinkling of cool gadgets and technology we actually might see one day like computerized glass and phones built into your palm to name a few. Biel and Beckinsale are uber-hot and Colin Farrell adds just enough emotional resonance to make the flick matter. It’s worth a look on the big screen due to the special effects sweet action sequences.

Grade: C+

The Dark Knight Rises, (July 2012)

Genre: Action, Drama

The real reason the Batpod required you to laydown. Art by Kit Kit Kit.

You’ll be glued to your seats with the stakes raised and a formidable and frighteningly chilling Bane. The climax is grand, the journey of Bruce Wayne (not Batman) and the overall meaning are strong. Dare I say one of the weakest Nolan film to date? The pacing is montage-like, never letting you breathe and the story is incredibly convoluted for a concluding film. It never feels like a perfectly completed work like the previous films.

Grade: B

Beasts of the Southern Wild, (July 2012)

Genre: Drama

Guess which one is the “beast” in this movie. Extra points for thinking like an artist.

Impossible to hate and incredibly well done in every technical choice right down to the music. What stuck in my craw was the people and their lifestyle. The film is weird and savage in nature which caters to a crowd that wants something emotional that stands up rather than flops down in whimsy. Mostly successful, but it never technically proves whether it’s literal or figurative in tone, which just might aggravate some viewers.

Grade: B

Recently Released on Disc

The Raid: Redemption, (March 2012)

Genre: Action

Bill just wanted to fly! “Fling me, fling me!” he squealed before breaking all his teeth.

You’re going to see every blow and punishing kick which is the point of a movie like this. You’re not going to watch this wondering about character intention or purpose. It’s pointless fight scenes with cartoon like beatings. Get drunk and watch this with friends and you’ll be fine.

Grade: C+

Lockout, (April 2012)

Genre: Comedy

Sort of like Snake Plissken in space.

Someone needs to cut out all scenes missing Guy Pearce. He’s funny and great and makes every scene fun and electric. All the rest is b-movie schlock. Any political meaning is superfluous considering how sloppy the handling of story.

Grade: C

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, (March 2012)

Genre: Romance, Drama

Ewen Mcgregor seen playing Pictionary. The answer is this movie’s sequel, “Dead Bucket Arab Sink”.

Nearly everything in this film is unbelievable. The plot, the community caring Arab prince, the romance, hell even the Salmon. I suppose the acting is alright, but the script doesn’t do them any favors.

Grade: F

Intruders, (March, 2012)

Genre: Drama

Enter…The Matrix! I mean Intrud…right Intruders.

A clever idea that, once revealed, makes the viewer feel a tad cheated considering the monster that’s set up. You may just fall asleep by the time that is revealed though. The choice of Clive Owen however, is inspired.

Grade: C-

Friends with Kids, (March 2012)

Genre: Drama, Comedy

Don’t do it man! Smell that time-suck life altering smell!

The movie carries its own weight on acting and premise with some laughs thrown in for good measure. Then about 50 minutes into the film some irrational turns will frustrate you and the viewer realizes Kristen Wiig and Jon Hamm are window-dressing for the poster. It’s more sitcom than meaningful drama which creates a schizophrenic atmosphere.

Grade: C+

Oldy, But Goody?

Bamboozled, (October 2000)

Genre: Drama, Comedy

Blackface merchandising: could this happen in America?

Satire and premise are solid tight for the first 30 minutes, but I can’t help but think the film could have been more effective if it didn’t turn into a hellish fantasy. The message is clear to the point of brain damaging the viewer and becoming a self parody.

Grade: C

A Lonely Place to Die, (March, 2012)

Genre: Suspense, Action

From here.

To here. Ouch.

This is one of those films that compounds the stupid choices and plot holes until you’ve completely given up on it with 30 minutes to spare. The always good Eamonn Walker is the only success. Frustrating considering the premise is a good one.

Grade: D-


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