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Comic Book Preview: 9/11/13 – Tentacles and Freefalls

WTF? Category

Where we don’t understand, are insulted by or would rather stab our eyes with acid pops than look at these covers for various reasons.

Vampirella Southern Gothic #2

Johnny Desjardins

Dave: I’m not sure if this is a rape fantasy cover or just a big booty commercial. Let me think on that…

Brendan: And here we see the cheesecake fantasy woman in her natural habitat. See how she instinctively presents herself to the forthcoming rape-crazy male figure.

But for real, how big are that guy’s hands? If they are in the foreground they’re easily the size of her head. If the perspective presses them further back that means they’re roughly the size of her entire body. Let’s use some logic, people!

Red Sonja #3

Pia Guerra

Dave: The execution isn’t that bad here, but the concept is throwing me off. At first glance it looks like someone just gave Sonja an insane uppercut, but then you realize she’s flipping and cutting these dudes. Cool idea, but with her squinting eyes I was totally thrown off. On top of that, her body looks very limp.

Brendan: I think the execution is bad, here. Namely, this is not a way anyone would ever realistically execute anyone. It looks like a case of crowd surfing gone horribly awry.

Mars Attacks Judge Dredd #1

Greg Staples

Brendan: Because this is the comic we needed to see! Listen, I’m pumped for the IDW guys and their acquisition of the Mars Attacks! franchise but seriously, stop it. I can’t even begin to imagine how many of these comics are currently being used as puppy-mats or paper-shred packaging. Are there people out in the world that have an unquenchable thirst for these cruel little aliens?

Dave: As a big fan of Mars Attacks!, I disagree. It’s schlocky B-movie fun! Plus, look at those pretty pink gourds!

Dave’s Honorable Mentions

Fearless Defenders #9

Mark Brooks

Dave: A manga cover…or is it?! Mark Brooks, man…he has some skill, eh? Guy can do anything (just look at all the covers we’ve picked in our previous previews), but I just love the tongue-in-cheek covers he keeps putting out. This one is particularly fun, especially with the pandering comment.

Brendan: Mark Brooks truly is a talented man. He’s seemingly able to shapeshift his style into whatever he pleases on a simple whim. Also the self-critique of this “style du jour” is both welcome and appreciated.

Kick Ass 3 #3

David Mack

Dave: For a series drawn by Romita Jr, this is a striking cover to say the least. Romita has a cartoonish and unrealistic look to everything, so when Mack busts out this beautiful hyperreal cover your jaw drops. I can actually see Hit Girl as a human being when she’s drawn like this. Awesome.

Brendan: I’ve said before how much I enjoy David Mack’s work, and this cover is further fuel for my passion. I think the best part of this cover is the ingrained innocence on Hit Girl’s face. It’s so easy to be lost in Romita’s style and forget that these characters are children. This cover makes you recount what you’ve seen and feel a slight sense of awe.

Brendan’s Honorable Mentions

Brain Boy #1

Juan Doe

Brendan: I enjoy the vintage poster motif of this cover. It’s incredibly well executed. Furthermore, how comfy does that brain look? The answer is: “incredibly”.

Dave: I just love how calm and dapper our man looks. The highlighting effect from the white outline makes him pop nicely too.

Astro City #4

Alex Ross

Brendan: Mr. Ross recklessly teeters on the edge of “way too many neons” once again, but this time it works. I think the semi-normal colors of our average Joe, with hints of neon illumination by the super heroic nonsense outside, perfectly captures the “us vs them” of cape comics.

Dave: I don’t know Brendan, I’m kind of with the chick on this one. She can’t deal with day noise and neither can I.

Dave’s Pick of the Week

Red Sonja #3

Stephanie Buscema

Dave: Cute cool explosion times! Is this a Halloween cover or what? From the skeletons to the green slurry, this is a super fun cover. Heck, Sonja is still in sexy clothes too. Imagine this as a cartoon and tell me you wouldn’t watch it!

Brendan: I won’t lie, I probably wouldn’t watch it. While it is nice to see the cuter side of Sonja, I think this cover is even more off-putting than the norm of bloody skulls and ass cracks. Perhaps it’s because the latter imagery has been so fully ingrained within my mind that any alternative seems simply preposterous.

Brendan’s Pick of the Week

Astonishing X-Men #67

Phil Noto

Brendan: There were a lot of fantastic covers this week but at the end of the day I just had to go with Phil Noto’s X-Men cover. I like this cover the most because it provides you with the story. Without even reading the solicit you know that Wolvie and Gambit are on the open road and there’s something going on with in the trunk. On top of the transparency of the cover, it is also incredibly executed. The facial expressions, colors and blur effects all work fantastically well. This is a complete package.

And on top of it all, this cover will provide Dave ample fuel for his never ending tentacle rape infatuation.

Have fun, buddy!

Dave: I love this because the monster has to be moving fast…a rare thing for rape monsters.


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