The Auteur #3
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan
Dave: That much puke would choke a man, but he ends up caring more about his chokable friend instead. Silly bastard.
Sean: I mean really, who hasn’t puked on their dick today? Let he without puke on his dick cast the first… uh… puke?
Dog: I always wondered what a casting call for Japanese porn looked like.
The Auteur #3
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan
Dave: I’ve heard some people could just die for sushi, but this is a bit much.
Jordan: Look man, shark just doesn’t taste as good if you don’t go out and kill it yourself with your machete.
Sean: It’s rare I feel bad for a shark.
Poor sharkie.
Dog: In 2012, a total of 7 people were killed in shark attacks. Every year, humans kill somewhere around 100 million sharks. This guy says, “You’re welcome.”
The Auteur #3
Written by Rick Spears | Art by James Callahan
Dave: Your barf looks like a green Pizza The Hut.
Sean: Slimer got a sass mouth.
Jordan: I’m sure this makes sense in the context of the story, but right now, all I can do when I see this is think: What the f**k is going on?
Dog: I’ll break it down for you, Jordan. The anthropomorphic rabbit from Donnie Darko entered the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” video where he met a sentient slime mold that thinks it’s a tough fifth-grader from 1987. I mean, it couldn’t be ANY CLEARER.
Bloodshot and H.A.R.D. Corps #22
Written by DUFFY BOUDREAU & CHRISTOS GAGE | Art by AL BARRIONUEVO
Dave: I haven’t seen such a bored looking expression whilst watching a head explode since…well since last week’s PiPT!
Jordan: Well Dave, if you’ve seen one head explode before, you’ve seen them all.
Sean: Single perfect eye exploding off of the head region in a spray of blood. I live for this shit!
Dog: “Wait, Bruce Willis was dead the whole time?!” SPLORCH
The Field #2
Written by Ed Brisson | Art by Simon Roy
Dave: Coincidentally this all happened on Skid Row St.
Jordan: This is a rather brutal PSA about wearing your helmets when you ride a motorcycle.
Sean: Helmet don’t work if you don’t strap the fucker on! STRAP ON!
Dog: Did they choose the “CHUD” sound because that’s what he’ll look like after the asphalt scrapes all the skin off his skull?
Shutter #2
Written by Joe Keatinge | Art by Leila Del Luca
Dave: “Colonoscopy,” they said, “it wouldn’t hurt,” they said…
Jordan: I think the River Spirit from Spirited Away has gotten mean in later years it appears.
Dog: And you thought most Chinese New Year accidents were caused by fireworks.
Starlight #3
Written by Mark Millar | Art by Goran Parlov
Dave: This is how they make sausage in Scotland.
Jordan: I like how these guys aren’t freaking out or anything. It’s like: eh, slice in half? Big deal!
Sean: They longed to perfect the Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal lean.
Dog: Whenever Billy Batson speaks the magic word “SHIZZZAK!” a lightning bolt appears that … bisects at the trunk anyone unlucky enough to be nearby. It’s a problematic power.
Judge Dredd #19
Written by Duane Swierczynski | Art by Nelson Daniel
Dave: The rhyming body stack monster needs to shut up.
Dog: “What’s your weight? Are you straight? How about a date? Fine, I’ll masturbate.”
Sean: “Too late.”
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