Detective Comics #40
By Francis Manapul and Brian Buccellato
Dave: Who wants candy corn!?
Dog: Must be hard to eat when you’ve got guitar picks for teeth.
Russ: Macaulay Culkin can’t catch a damn break, can he? (Excluding his front tooth, that is.)
Rat Queens #9
Written by Kurtis J. Wiebe | Art by Stjepan Sejic
Dave: If you think about it the penis is a very inefficient tool. It’s severely limited in its uses. I can only think of two off the top of my head: shovel and baby maker.
Dog: What awful spell is this, the Blue Balls of Bilthagor?
Russ: Maybe she’d have an easier time casting, oh, I dunno… while not in full-on cowgirl?
Russ’ brain: COITUS INTERRUPTUS!
God Hates Astronauts #6
Written and Art by Ryan Browne
Dave: If you “de-crab!” like this at Red Lobster they give you a free helping of cinnamon bread!
Dog: Oh sure, as soon as they give Nick Fury a horseshoe crab head in the movies, he HAS to have one in the comics, too.
Revival #28
Written by Tim Seeley | Art by Mike Norton
Dave: Ladies, don’t you hate it when they have fish breath? Or worse, whole-fish-in-mouth syndrome?
Dog: Looks like she tried to suck that guy’s dentures out. No wonder she’s puking up Poligrip.
Russ: Second weirdest thing I’ve seen happen after watching a girl swap spit with a hobo.
Dark Engine #5
Written by Ryan Burton | Art by John Bivens
Dave: Stop beating around the bush Mr Burton, “ruinous liquid” is poop. Call it what it is or get out!
Dog: It’s a little known fact that the original flood myth was written by German scat fetishists. They had to sanitize it for the mass market.
Russ: Who knew the Church of Fudge creators’ next project would be so ambitious? Dog knew.
EGOs #6
Written by Stuart Moore | Art by Gus Storms
Dave: Can’t they get a pan for that guy? He’s dripping everywhere!
Dog: Maybe the EMTs could have saved him if they took off their Red Cross bondage hoods.
’68 Jungle Jim: Guts‘N’Glory (One-Shot)
Written by Mark Kidwell | Art by Jeff Zornow
Dave: Edward Scissorhands would have been an excellent soldier in Vietnam.
Dog: So the Viet Cong were really rogue, 1920s newspaper boys? And we still lost?
Russ: “Extra! Extra! Get yer papers here! Nguyen Cao Ky’s mustache tames herd of water buffa– OH SWEEET MOTHER OF JESUS MY FACE! FUCKKKKK!”
Nailbiter/Hack/Slash (One Shot)
Written by Joshua Williamson and Tim Seeley | Art by Mike Henderson and Emilio Laiso
Dave: Never say you have an itch or the dentist will pull out one of these. I’ve seen it a thousand times!
Dog: Razorblade brushing isn’t always enough for tough bacteria build-up, so be sure to rinse with battery acid after.
Russ: Thirteen years later Williamson and Seeley capitalize on that blazing hot Dr. Giggles craze.
Crossed Badlands #73
Written by David Hine | Art by Nahuel Lopez
Dave: Josie and the pussycats got really dark in its final season.
Dog: The lion’s doctor told him it’s healthier to take the skin off before eating.
Russ: Aslan says, “Bitch! Gimme yo face, Lucy” in the gritty reboot of C.S. Lewis’ beloved high-fantasy yarn. (Must be read in Liam Neeson’s voice.)
Saga #26
Written by Brian K. Vaugn | Art by Fiona Staples
Dave: This calls for a blowjob PSA. Just think of the children who’ll lose a perfectly good resolution over this mistake!
Dog: I love to get some jagged, smoking head. It’s like watching the Paris Hilton sex tape all over again.
Join the AIPT Patreon
Want to take our relationship to the next level? Become a patron today to gain access to exclusive perks, such as:
- ❌ Remove all ads on the website
- 💬 Join our Discord community, where we chat about the latest news and releases from everything we cover on AIPT
- 📗 Access to our monthly book club
- 📦 Get a physical trade paperback shipped to you every month
- 💥 And more!